Feelin' like....

 

the most horrible mother ever. EVER.

Robert is in FL for some kind of convention. Emma and i have been on our own for almost five days now...Emma keeps asking for him. "Wheres dada? Dadadaaa?" she'll ask frequently during the day. Yeah, he's the 'fun' one, i'm the diaper changin' lady, the stuffed animal finder, book reader and food giver. ;) Emma and i have kept busy...me by packing stuff for our move and Emma by "unpacking" stuff that i pack. Needless to say, not much has gotten done.

This afternoon, i could tell that Emma was ready for her nap. We were both on the floor and she was playing with her barrel full of monkeys (she knows all of the colors and numbers, btw!) and she was getting frustrated as she couldn't get the lid on the top of the barrell. Finally, frustration won, and she threw the barrell lid and turned around and hit me in the face, catching the corner of my eye. I sat there, completly stunned. I sat up, grabbed her arms and said sternly, "Emma, we do not hit. Hitting hurts." She tried to hit me again...so i picked her up and carried her upstairs. She was very upset, screaming for Paci, her beloved stuffed pink elephant. I got her to her crib, put her in it and told her that it was nap time. I then closed the door to her crying....

....and sat on the other side of the door and cried along with her. Within 5 minutes, it was competley silent in Emma's room. I went down stairs and got Paci, went back to Emma's room and snuck in. She was asleep, cuddled up in her cute sleeping position with her tush in the air. I put Paci under her arm, smoothed her hair, covered her up and silently apologized for getting angry.

Still, I was upset...upset that i got angry that she hit me. I know that Emma doesn't mean it...she's a child, and she's frustrated that she can't speak yet and get the words out that she needs--and it was naptime. But i was ashamed. Ashamed that i was angry at my little daughter. It's not the first time that she's hit me--i had a conversation with her preschool teacher to ask about her hitting and she said that she's only seen Emma hit once in the entire time that she's been there. She hit a little girl named Julie after Julie hit her in the face, trying to get a toy that Emma had. Emma has never hit her teachers. She did tell me that it is a phase that children sometimes go through, for me not to be upset about it and that Emma would grow out of it. A friend of mine that i spoke to about this said that her son also is a hitter. The only thing that has gotten her son's attention is when they spank him on the tush for hitting. I don't think that approach is going to work for me--spanking a small child because she hit? I'm going to spank her on the tush to get my point across that you shouldn't hit?

So, i'm feelin' yucky.

I'm off to find some chocolate. I hope that there's some in this house....and that i haven't packed it.

Have you seen this little girl?

 

This photo was taken last year on Emma's birthday. I love this photo of her...but this little baby, has grown into a little girl. She isn't a baby anymore....and while that makes me a little sad, seeing this new phase of her life has been amazing. Her vocabulary is expanding and i'm amazed to watch her speak. Today was a day of a lot of firsts:

~Today after Mother's Day Out, Emma walked down all of the stairs to the parking lot, holding my hand. Usually, she gets on her bottom at each stair, but not today.

~She brought me her favorite book and handed it to me and said " Weed Gooonitee Gorrilllla". (Read Goodnight, Gorrilla).

~Tonight, as i was finishing up laundry, she came to me, smiled and said "i poopy". She was rubbing her eyes, so i asked her if she was ready for nite-nite. She said "wes" and started gathering all five of her Backyardigans and Cupcake the Pink Elephant and started up the stairs to her room. And it was only 6:45pm!!!!

It's been a very good day....

A Valentine's Surprise!

 

Well, not exactly a "Valentine's Day Surprise", but Emma's Certificate of Citizenship showed up the day before Valentine's Day. We have been patiently (okay, okay, not so much) waiting for the COC for almost 9 months now. In the state of TN, when you re-adopt a child, they automatically become American Citizens, but i just wanted that COC paper! We have two steps left: one, a ss card and a passport. I've applied now for the ss card and the woman at the SS office promised me that it won't take nearly the time that it took to get the COC!

Valentine's Day was nice...i made cupcakes and we had dinner out at Chef's. It was a good day. And of course, Emma and i got flowers from Robert. Emma made a frame for us at her preschool class--Emma and i delivered it to Robert's office and he managed to keep it before i could take a photo of it.

Birthday photos to follow....yes, my little one is now TWO YEARS OLD. :))

Behind door number 1....

 

We (okay, 'i') am at what feels like a frantic pace. It's now official and unless something totally unforseen happens, we will be moving. Moving from a home that i love, a house that we brought Emma home to, a home where we became a family. I love the house we are in now. This house has amazing windows where you can see the tops of the trees; when i sit on the back deck, it's almost like sitting in a tree house. Lots of windows and lots of light. My plants are happy here. Our house is very close to Moss Wright Park...which is such a nice park to walk to with Emma. There are nature trails, a doggy park, and of course, a play ground. Can you tell that i don't want to leave?

The thing is, it's a wonderful house that we are moving to. It has a big fenced in back yard, which we don't have now. It's in an amazing school district for Emma. It's close the the YMCA. Lots of churches near by. It's an amazing investment for us. Robert is so excited about this new house that he is acting like a little kid. And i do love the kitchen. And the master bath. But honestly? I feel like the wet blanket on this little move of ours. I have seemed to finally settle in and have made a few friends. I have always had a lot of aquaintences, but few close friends. I'm a slow friend maker, lol...but i belong to a MOPS group that i truly enjoy, i have neighbors that are truly nice and look out for me and i can find my way around without getting lost (at least i don't get lost on MOST days!). I love the folks a the Publix where i shop. I found a wonderful dry cleaners here and enjoy talking to the woman who ownes it. I even know the folks at the post office!

Oh, and of course, i feel guilty for feeling that this is a wonderful move for Robert and Emma and not for me. It's not about me. Right? It's about my family and where it's best for us to be as a family. So, i have basically two doors--
behind door number one, i can just say out loud that i hate this idea of moving and go kicking and screaming like a small child. Or, behind door number two, i can decide that i will make the best of this move because it is the best move for Robert and Emma. And really, with the economy the way it is right now, we are lucky to be able to move.

Yeah, not much choice in how i should pull up the big girl panties and get on with it, right?

The painters have been here for a week and are done with the upstairs and the main floor. They are now working on the basement and garage area. I do have to say, this group of painters has been wonderful. They are on time, work quickly and of course, have entertained Emma when she HAS to see what they are doing. She tells them "Hola!" every morning! So very cute, lol...

....all that is pretty much left is to pack and organize. We close on this house in March so time is ticking away. I still have a few closets to do and a lot of other general packing. I really wish that i could do the nose twiting thing and have the house packed....like the "Bewitched" show? :)) I have gotten rid of a lot of stuff....Robert's records (we never, ever played them....), books were donated, furniture donated and i'm going through Emma's baby clothes. Luckily there is a MOPS mom in my group who can use the clothes, so they will go to her and her little one.

I gotta go get Emma....she has learned to open the door to the basement a few days ago and i'm sure that she wants to visit with our painters!