Life at 46....

My two favorite people EVER!
...is nothing like i thought it would be. I don't mean that in a bad way, mind you, i just mean that i am in a place that i never thought i would be lucky enough to be in. I have a amazing husband, who makes me challenge myself to become a better woman. I have a little daughter, who has managed to teach me more in 4 years than i ever thought possible about life and love.

It's a blessed life, this life i have...

...and i am grateful beyond measure.

The most stunning thing i've learned lately is how little i truly "know" me. Oh, i know what color i like, what things make me smile, but i don't know why some really important things like: how to live a daily life that is on a path of improving my spirit, mind and body. Even at this age, there is still so much to learn and how it's never to late to start striving to live the life you want. The ending of each of our "dashes" hasn't happened yet and i have finally learned that every moment that happens in our dashes is important and worth having. But you know, it does take a lot of effort to live in our dashes but this is our only journey and we don't get 'do-overs'.

The Dash is truly worth living.

btw, the "dash" is the line between where you were born and where you die.

Yep, that's "the dash".

I'm sure that you've heard about it before.

Recently, in a class that i am taking, we read Hebrews 12:1-3. It has now become a favorite scripture of mine.


"...let us throw off every thing that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out before us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus...so you will not grow weary and lose heart.


Yes, forty-six is a good place for me. Tough at times, insane at time, happy experiences at times, bad choices some times, but so worth it now that i am here.

I am where i am suppose to be.

Happy Birthday to me!

I love Franklin, TN

Going into town after the round-a-bout
Franklin Theatre on Main Street
A happy Franklin rabbit!
My dream house is for sale on Main Street for the extremely low, low, LOW price of almost $900,000
House next to my dream home
Another beautiful home...
Church on the round-a-bout
I spent most of Wednesday in Franklin, TN with my camera. Not only was it a beautiful, beautiful day, but that town is so beautiful all on it's own. I love this "little" (if you know anything about Franklin, you know that it can't be described as "little"!) town. Actually, what i love is the 'old' part of Franklin; i would live there in a second if i could talk my sweet husband into braving the traffic to get to work each day.

I took so many pictures in Franklin but i am still getting use to this new camera of mine. Still so much to learn about light, angles, etc. It is a dream of a camera, though, but not surprising, some of my photos don't do the view justice.

Franklin has grown almost too fast, some folks say; but i will say that in the older part of Franklin, walking around with my camera, i forgot about the traffic and all of the growing pains that Franklin is known for. I spoke to neighbors visiting their neighbors, met a sweet couple from England, played with two Golden Retrievers and a cat, and just enjoyed the tree lined town. It was peaceful and oddly relaxing and simple to spend time walking through this area.

I'll be back to visit next week, camera in hand.

We try....

Baked Spaghetti Pizza
...to eat healthy around here. Really, we do. Most times we do a good job and all of those other times, we really do a horrible job, especially on weekends. Fruits are a favorite around here with all of us, dairy is something we all love, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on wheat bread with a big glass of low fat milk makes all three of us giddy with excitement (even though i know it's not on the list of the most healthiest dinner ever).

Recently, i started reading and watching documentaries on food, eating and health. With Halloween coming up, it really is a good time to watch this stuff as it will scare the beegeezes out of you. Dairy is not a good thing to have. Animal proteins are of the devil. Processed food are pretty much linked to everything bad in a diet. Soda? Diet Soda? It's the drink of choice of the devil. Fruit? You are suppose to watch that due to sugar content. Beans? On the bad list of things to run from. Breads/Grains? bwahahahaaa.....it's also of the devil. The list of "don't eat THAT, but eat THIS" seems never-endless and to be honest, confusing at times.

The one thing everyone that i've read and watched do seem to agree on is that a plant based diet is a good thing. I love to agree with things that are 'right', but...that doesn't exactly make me want to scream "HOORAY" at the top of my lungs, either, and eat that way immediately.

The truth is, when i eat very little meat, stay away from daily and breads, stay away from sugars, have no soda and eat, well, kinda like a vegan, i feel better. I will leave out the part where when i do attend the YMCA on a regular basis and walk, i feel like a million bucks, too...but again, it's the truth.

I hate telling the truth sometimes.

Really, i do. Because then, well, i feel like i should do the right things. You know, like a parent should do for the health of their family? Lead by example and eat and exercise like a parent should?

Which would be to eat like a 'semi-vegan' if there even is such a thing and exercise regularly. I am sure that a true vegan reading this would scream at the computer "SEMI-VEGAN?!?! There is NO such thing! BE a VEGAN or don't be a vegan!" And they are probably right.

So, here at the ol' Johannes homestead, where i am head Diva~Mommy-
~In~Charge, i'm trying to figure out what direction to go towards. Robert will pretty much go along with anything as long as i take care of it and fix it for him. Emma, well, she's a bit tougher of a challenge. Fruits, milk, wheat bread, are some of her favorites. And i am wondering, as a child, if that kind of diet isn't healthier for her till she gets a little older. Looks like some research on child's diets is needed...

I shudder to think what i'll do without my daily treat: a Diet Coke just after Emma comes home from school. Emma will eat a banana,fruit salad or a small pack of chocolate chip cookies with milk, and i'll sit with her at the table and we'll chat about what we'll do with the rest of the day. And i slowly enjoy sipping my ice cold Diet Coke and enjoy every second of it. Somehow, drinking water doesn't seem as enjoyable...

I'm in the mist of reading a book called "The Primal Blueprint" and i'm also flipping through the Primal Blueprint Quick and Easy Meals Cookbook. Basically, it's a 'primal', paleo, low-carb, grain-free, dairy-free, gluten-free way to eat. I must admit, once i saw the words "primal, low-carb, grain-free, dairy-free and gluten-free way to eat", i wondered, other than grass and fruit, what there would be left to eat. It's an interesting book, and to make it a lifestyle, well, would be a challenge and take a huge, freaking, unbelievable amount of work on my part big commitment. But it would be worth it, not only for Emma, but for Robert and i as well.

It does concern me that my mother ate a healthy diet. My Mama passed away in early January 2007. She ate mostly fruits, greens, veggies, very little meat (red, chicken or fish), and drank lots of water way before it was fashionable to do so. Mama also would eat eggs and toast occasionally, but she was a much healthier eater than the rest of us. Mama was 5'4 and always weighed between 115/125 pounds. For the longest time, i didn't understand how she had cancer. Her diet wasn't the problem, i thought. But then i realized that she was married to a very, very heavy smoker for over 40 years so i'm willing to bet that contributed to her cancer more than her diet.

So, i'll finish this book and work on a plan. I think that slowly changing over with a date to completely eat this way is the best way for me to go. And of course, i do think that 80/20 would be a good goal for me at least for the first year. Perhaps, after i feel the benefits, it won't be hard to stay the course.

I will, however, desperately miss my Diet Coke...

Soup, Soup, Soup!

I have always loved soup. There is nothing better than a yummy bowl of soup in the Fall! From Split Pea Soup, to Chicken Noodle Soup, to Lentil Soup, to Taco Soup, well, i have all of recipes that were given to me from my Mom. My mother use to make me soup often and although i use her recipes, well, they still don't taste the same. I'm not sure why, as i use the EXACT same recipes. I would often beg her when i would come home to visit to please, please, PLEASE make me some soup to take home with me. Of course, either to make me shut up or to make me happy, she would.

She loved me.

I miss her.

I miss her a lot.

The last recipe i got from her was for a soup called Taco Soup. Most of the other recipes, she tweaked, but this one, she didn't have time to. We only had this soup once together before she became ill, so after she passed away, i decided to tweak this recipe on my own. This was a big thing, you see, because i didn't mess with her recipes. I make her recipes exactly as she made for me, no changes. But, it seemed almost fitting that it was time for me to do the 'tweaking'.

Taco Soup is a popular soup with so many different recipes. In fact, Taco Soup is also known as a Weight Watcher Recipe. This soup is an easy, peeasy soup to put together and it's one of those soups that you often have all you need in your pantry. Not to mention, you can change it up quickly for different events: add tortilla chips and make the soup thicker for a football game dinner, or make it spicier for a friend who likes their soup with a bit of heat. Or to entice a child to eat it, add goldfish and cheese to the finished soup, but remember that you need to adjust the seasonings for a little one.

Here is my version of this recipe that i got from my Mama....which i am sure is much like the other versions out there!

BUSY-ISSY'S TACO SOUP

1 to 2 pounds of ground turkey or beef
1 package of taco seasoning
1 package of ranch dressing
1 large sweet onion, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
1 can of corn (drained)
1 or two can of black beans (can rinse if you like)
1 can of pinto beans
1 can of tomato sauce
2 can of diced tomatoes(or 1 can of Rotel) with jalapenos or chilies
1 can of Mexican-Style Stewed tomatoes, crushed
5/6 cups of water
1/2 small can of cans diced green chilies (optional)

Directions:
~Brown ground turkey or ground beef, adding the onions first and then the green peppers as the meat starts to break apart and brown. Drain fat from pan (okay, so i don't do a great job of draining, but it's okay as i think the fat makes it taste better!) and add the 5/6 cups of water, stirring the meat and water together.
~Add the Taco Seasoning and the Ranch Dressing Seasoning. If i am using 6/7 cups of water, i add the entire seasoning packages. If you use less water, use less of the seasoning packs...it's a kinda "see what you like" thing. Stir well and bring to a slight boil.
~Add cans of diced tomatoes (don't drain!!) and stir well.
~Add can of crushed Mexican-Styled tomatoes, stir well
~Add can of tomato sauce and again, stir well.
~Bring to a boil and turn the heat down to simmer. Let simmer for a bit (i let it simmer 15 minutes or so) and then add the corn and all of the beans and cook just to heat. If you add the corn and beans sooner, they might get mushy.
~Cook till nice and hot....done!

You can serve this soup with sour cream, cheese, tortilla chips or eat as is. It is a great soup for a Fall gathering, too...the soup can be paired with yummy cheese quesidillas or corn chips.

I will say that this is one of those recipes where you can make it up as you go along. If you like your soup thicker, then forget the 6 cans of water and use less. I have even heard of folks using two of the Taco Seasoning packages and two of the Ranch Dressing Seasoning packages; but for me, that's a bit too much.

Lentil Soup will more than likely be on the menu for next week...so glad that fall is finally here!

Some days....

....things just happen.

Curiosity gets the best of us and we do things just to see what will happen, or what it will be like.

This was one of those days, folks.

While i was busy studying for a class that i'm taking, my daughter was playing with her stamping stuff. You know, the crafty box with all of the wooden stamps that comes with a stamp pad that you can easily clean off? Yep, that one.

It seems that Destructor-Girl Emma felt that this pad that she had in her box of stamps wasn't 'working' well enough, so, she decides to use the one that she saw me use earlier in the day.

My Japanese-Black-Permanent-No-Rub-Off-EVER-Ink.

Yep, that one.

As you can see, the 'thrill' of using my Japanese-Black-Permanent-No-Rub-Off-EVER-Ink was just too much fun, so my dear Emmie decided to stamp with her fingers. And hands. And her face, too, apparently.

Awesome.

Absolutely AWESOME.

Nothing like trying to scrub off PERMANENT BLACK INK off a child!

It's kinda like nailing jell-o to a tree, you know.

I did manage to get it off her face, arms, and legs, but had little luck on her hands and fingers. I was truly feeling like Mom of the Year...and i had no one to blame but myself as i am the one who left the stupid ink pad out in the first place.

I hate when that happens. I hate when it really IS my fault.

Needless to say, all of my ink is now hidden in the house.

Let's hope that the ink stays hidden...

Not off to a great start....

"Pato" the Puppet looking sad
....at preschool.

In fact, that's putting it rather mildly.

We had a great first day. I breathed a sigh of relief that Emma seemed to love her new class and teachers. She chatted all the way home the first day about all of the things that she had done, how much fun she had. Emma's little folder with her daily calendar had a huge red smiley face on the first day, showing that she did all that she was suppose to do, that she listened, cleaned up, kept her hands to herself, and played well with others.

I was so proud. Really, i was thrilled with that goofy red smiley face on her calendar!! You would have thought that i earned the goofy red smiley face...i kinda did, didn't i? I mean, sorta, right?

Day 2, you ask? How did Day 2 go for our Tot-In-Training?

Not so much of doing the things that she was suppose to do.

Emma hit one of her teachers when she was trying to instruct her one-on-one. And when the teacher told Emma that hitting was not acceptable, my dear imp of a child covered her ears with her hands.

Then, she continued to ignore the teacher and colored the floor with her markers.

Off to time-out she went.

No smiley face for Day 2.

Oh, yes, please, ask me about Day 3....

On Day 3, Emma boinked a little girl in the head with a dinosaur during clean-up time because the little girl grabbed one of "Emma's" dinosaurs.

Yeah.

No smiley face for Day 3, either.

Thank God that there were only three days of school this week.

The teachers were so very nice to me, and invited me to come "visit" to watch how Emma does if i wanted to. I'm pretty sure that they knew how horrified i was by the events of Day 2 & Day 3. They wanted to make sure that we were on the same program of time-out and taking away privileges, which we were. I was so thankful that Emma's teachers are the kind of women that they are....gracious and kind to Mommies who want to disappear into the floor when stuff like this happens.

But then again, maybe they are worried that on Monday, Emma will poke some child's eye out with a crayon or attack one of them with a large plastic dinosaur...

Emma was so shocked to see that she had two non-smiley faces! How could this be?!? She actually asked me to show her the calendar so she could see for herself that she got another non-smiley face.

"Mama! Why'd i get a 'nother sad face?!?! Are you swure??"

"ummm, Emma, you hit a little girl over the head with a dinosaur today, remember? We are not to hit ANYONE, EVER, period. Just wait till i tell your Daddy...."

"Otay, Mommy, it be okay. We swhould NEBER, NEBER HIT ANYBODY, right?"

sigh....

And can you believe that i have already resorted to the "just-wait-till-i-tell-your-Daddy" threat already?? On Day 3?!? I was hoping to save that line for much, much later.

I can't WAIT to see what next week holds for us, can you?

First Day of Preschool

I wish that i could tell you that i took a million photos of today.

But the truth is, i didn't take a single photo.

Not one.

I decided the night before that i wasn't going to take any photos because i wanted to be "in" the moment and not behind the lens of a camera, looking in on my daughter, who was starting her newest life adventure.

I woke up very early to pack her lunch, make sure that i had labeled everything with her name, double check the 'supply list' of items she needed for her class, re-pack it all again and pack the car with everything on my list. I wanted all of that done before i woke up my little Miss Sunshine who hates waking up early. Emma is not a morning girl so i wanted to be able to focus on her and make sure that we started the day off in a happy mood.

Being up so early gave me lots of time to think and reminisce this morning while doing all of this. It wasn't a time of sadness, but more of disbelief. Disbelief that Emma is now four years old and starting school. Disbelief that the past four years have flown by in what seems like a blink of an eye. Disbelief that although i've been here with her as a stay-at-home Mommy and have been here with her to see her grow....well, i am surprised sometimes when i see just how much she has grown up right before my eyes. I haven't missed a single moment and for a few minutes this morning, i wished the time backwards to re-live it all again with her and Robert.

Emma surprised me by getting up on her own. Potty time, brushing teeth time, washing face time and then getting dressed. Shoes on, hair brushed, pink bow in hair. Time for a breakfast of yogurt and strawberries.

As i sat there with her at the table, i listened to her chatter. She said that she was going to school today, that Pachi was coming, too and she would meet her new teachers. Watching her, i smiled to myself at her excitement. Emma ate carefully with her spoon, careful not to spill anything on herself as she ate. Gone are the days of my ducking food that she would sling all over the place, gone are the days of mashing strawberries all over her face, trying to find her mouth. In place of those times is a little girl who is growing up quickly...

Finally, Emma, Robert and i load up into the car after Emma checks out her Butterfly Garden and head off to her new school. She'll be at school four days a week from 9am-3pm. Four days a week. Four days a week....

She chatters the entire way with Pachi while i'm lost in my thoughts. Emma sings along with her favorite Veggie Tales CD as we drive along in her off-tune, cute way, "Jweses wuffsss meeee, dis i knoowwww....." and i can feel tears starting to well in my eyes. So very hard to step back and let Emma fly off away from my nest, but that is what my job entails as she continues to grow up.

"Wwlitttle wones bewlong to Him...."

How often i tend to forget that Emma is first a child a God and not MY own possession? He has entrusted Robert and i with this child. Emmie belongs to HIM and it's my job to do the best i can do to prepare her for her life. And if it means letting her go, bit by bit, then that's what i'll do.

"Deeewere are wwweeek but He dis stronnnggggg....."

To the school we go. We find her room, her new teachers introduce themselves to us and Emma sees a huge painting of the world on a nearby wall with photos of the little children across the top from different countries.

"LWOOK, MAMA! IT'S DA HOLE WOORLD!"

Robert, of course, is thrilled with how Emma is handling things this morning. It's me who he is waiting to see how long it will take for me to nut up and grab Emma and run out of the rooms screaming.

Emma spies some dinosaurs and she's off towards them as i kiss her quickly....

"Emma! Have a good day, sweetie, be good today and i'll be back......" i trail off as i realize she's not really listening to me and Robert is pulling me to the door as the two teachers smile at me.

"Bye, MAMA!! Hab a oood day!" Emma tells me, over her shoulder, with a huge plastic dinosaur in each hand.

"She'll have a great day, Mrs. Johannes! Pick-up time is at 3....enjoy your day!" says one of the teachers.

Enjoy my day? Enjoy my day?? I want to 'enjoy' my day with my daughter, dammit. I want to paint with her. I want to teach her Spanish words. I want to teach her about plants and animals. I want to teach her about the season....i want to run with her and play chase.

Me.

I want to do all of that.

Enjoy my day.

...and to myself in the car, as Robert and i drive away, i sing to myself, holding back tears:

Jesus loves me, this i know,
For the bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong.
They are weak but He is strong...


See you at three o'clock sharp, Emmie....

It's Labor Day Weekend!

 

 

 

We are waiting on guests to show up and spend the weekend with us!

I hope that the rain will stay away. It's hard to have a cookout in the rain.

But even if it does rain, i'm sure that we'll have fun together!

Now, then, if i could just get these two of mine out of bed, i'd be in business!

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

Enjoy your time with friends and family....

Wade Belak

Photo of Wade by Dan Stewart
This isn't really a post about Wade Belak. It's kinda about Wade, though. There are plenty of blog posts and news stories out right now about the well-loved former Nashville Predators hockey player who committed suicide two days ago in a Toronto hotel room, leaving behind a wife and two small daughters.

I guess this post is about every potential "Wade" out there...and how that potential "Wade" could be a family member or cherished friend and you might not even know it.

I'm not sure what lead Wade to commit suicide. Only Wade and God know that, but i'm willing to bet that depression (that ugly word that no one really wants to admit to much less say out loud) played a part in his death. No one close to him apparently had any idea that this 35 year young man was depressed; i've heard and read stories about his outgoing, fun personality and his love of playing pranks on team mates. I do know from reading and seeing (yes, i do love attending hockey games and love the Nashville Predators!) that many of the Nashville Predator fans and his team mates loved the guy that they knew on the ice and off...

Like most folks with depression, i think that Wade was probably like most folks who fight depression, in that he was able to hide his inside, from friends and family. It's not that our friends and family are a bunch of boobs who don't pay attention, we are just very, very good at hiding in broad daylight. No one really wants to admit to admit anything like depression, for reasons such as not wanting to worry friends and family, thinking that we can 'pull ourselves out of it', that 'it' will go away and my own favorite personal reason: we don't want friends and family closely watching us, waiting for us to 'nut up' right in front of them. And so, it is easier to just stay quiet and fight the fight alone. Most of us have fun, engaging personalities and never, in a million years, would you ever guess that depression was a part of us or our lives.

Yes, i am 'secretly' not so secretly anymore, eh? one of "them".

I have been, i think, for a long time. On and off....much better now, though. I think that depression and alcoholism run in my family; being as it is, no one talked about that stuff. Ever. Never. Perhaps it's that way in a lot of families. If you're a child who grows up around this kinda stuff, well, you don't really understand that it's not a good place to be. It kind of becomes your normal and therefore, not anything to really talk about. I just figured i was moody.

I know. I know.

I don't know what the answers are to stopping potential Wade's from doing something like Wade Belak did. I do know the heartache and sadness that comes with those actions to friends and family. Their lives are forever changed and they live their lives with holes in their hearts, missing the one who is gone. Add that to wondering what they could have done to stop someone from taking their lives, and the heartache seems endless to family members and friends. What "What Could I Have Done" questions can haunt a person, you know.

I've often heard that to commit suicide is a coward's way out and i totally disagree. I think that one truly, truly comes to believe that their loved one and friends are best without them around. Yes, twisted, but that's what i believe. To get up each and every day, and face the day when it takes every single thing you have, is really hard work and i don't think that is understood unless you've been there. You not only lose your faith, but you lose the one thing that you should never lose: hope in tomorrow.

Talk to your loved ones, love and hug on each other and be kind to others. Take time to make that phone call, don't just text. Send a card and let someone know how much they mean to you and that you love them. Take time for lunch with a friend. Go to church and invite someone to go with you. Invite folks over that you know are spending the holidays without family. Meet your neighbors and actually talk to them. Leave work early one day and take your child out for ice cream after school.

You never know when you'll be someone's life line....