Just around the corner.....

....are the holidays. Thanksgiving is in just a few days and then the countdown to Christmas begins. This time of year always flies so very fast for me. I remember growing up that time seemed to drag on until the holidays, each day seeming like it was longer than the day before. I am convinced that what happens is as you get older, your head fills up with to-do lists and since you can't possibly get everything done in time for the 'big' day, time speeds up. I have no proof of this, but it sure feels that way.

Pickles turns two in a few days. One of us in our family (that would be me) loves, loves, loves Pickles. The other two members of our family merely tolerate my sweet doggy. The other two members of my family have no taste when it comes to dogs. Granted, my Pickles is a bit on the high strung side at times and bounces around us like a doggy on crack, but it what her breed is known for. Someone (my sweet husband) should have done his research before letting me pick a puppy out of a litter. Pickles is not going anywhere.

Our lives continues to fly by...i truly have learned to cherish each and every moment. I have learned to force myself to be in the moment, to not miss anything that God has gifted me with. Even so, life is bittersweet for me--my Mama isn't here to share on all of these moments. Birthdays, Halloweens, Thanksgivings, and Christmases are beautiful, but in my heart, the death of my Mama has left a whole so wide that nothing seems to fill. I should be so thankful to God that she is no longer sick and suffering and that she is whole again...instead, i selfishly wish she was still here, with me, loving on my Emma, enjoying my little family....and loving on me. There is a constant ache in my heart that still can bring me to tears, even 5 years later.

There is no one who calls me to sing me Happy Birthday in Spanish.

There is no one who calls me to see when i will be home for Thanksgiving.

There is no one who calls me to sing Merry Christmas in Spanish in December.

There is no one who who loves me like my Mama did.

I can hear her sometimes, telling me that "This is how life ends up sometimes. Live your life and be happy! I am fine, i promise!" And while i know she is fine and that sometimes, life ends up like it did for her... hearing her tell me that it still doesn't bring me comfort. All those words bring to me is un-shed tears because i miss her so very much.

Emma is doing so well. First grade has been good for her because of an amazing teacher. Her behavior issues are no more and it is amazing to watch my sweet girl learn to love school. Her teacher is amazing-she and Emma seem to have some kind of bond that i am so thankful for. I don't know what she has done that is different than last year, but whatever it is, i am forever grateful to her.

I need to go back and catch up on some of this past year...and i will. For now, i'm going to cuddle with my girl and sleep...