A Heavy Heart.....

Through blogging and online adoptions groups, i've gotten to "know" many people. Although we've never met face to face, i know details about their families, their lives, their feelings. It's such a privilage to be invited into someone else's life, to get to know them in ways that you normally wouldn't. I've learned to laugh with my online blogger friends, giggle at something funny that has happened in their lives, see photos of their children and projects and hurt for them when something happens to them or their families. I understand why people blog~there are so many reasons~and i've come to cherish my online "friends". In fact, some of these friends i've know since the beginning of our adoption journey. Melissa is one of these friends who i am counting on meeting one of these days....she and her husband have two little boys and recently brought home a little girl named Ana. I've been through Melissa's adoption journey~and what a journey that has been! She has an amazing blog detailing all of it....i'm in awe of her blogging!

It's friends like these, that make life's journey's so much more meaningful. These are the folks that celebrate with you, cry with you, understand you when you know that no one else does or will and will call you if need be. It's been said that God doesn't allow you to choose your family, so thank heaven's He allows us to pick our friends! I've been so blessed to find Melissa and others...and so thankful to call them "friends".

This past week has been difficult for me. Two different blogger friends of mine have had tragedies in their families. Unthinkable tragedies that brings tears to your eyes. And it's affected me in an amazing way...i am upset. I am as upset about these tragedies beyond what i had expected. Perhaps it's because the tragedies are so heart wrenching and make you realize just how very fragile life truly is. Like most folks, i sometimes take life for granted and fail to grasp every moment with both hands and live it fully. It's bothersome that it takes a tragedy to startle you enough to stop you in your tracks and make you re-evaluate what and how your are living your own life.

One of my blogger friend's sister has lost her room-mate and best friends; a 21 year old young beautiful woman in a tragic car accident. Cali held on for many days after the accident but i think that the accident was just truly too much on her body. Cali was a beautiful young woman with a wonderful life ahead of her. She was with friends in an SUV that was traveling to Disney when the car accident occured. Only one of the five in the car was wearing a seat belt. All have now passed away except for the one who was wearing the seatbelt. Cali was not wearing a seat belt. All except for one was thrown from the car in this violent accident. My blogger friend has such a strong faith in God.....so strong, in fact, that i am in awe. She and her family and Cali's family feel that Cali is now healed and is in the hands of God. They truly feel blessed to have had this young woman in their lives for 21 years. It is moments like this that i question God; perhaps everyone does in their own way, but i feel that i question more so than others. Is my faith not as strong? Or do i just want "man" answers and not "Godly" answers?

My other blogger friend this morning has lost her 40 year old husband to an infection to a heart valve that was recently replaced. John seemed to be doing well, learning to speak again and learning to walk again in physical therapy. They have two young children. The marriage seems to be one that many would be envious of~they were in love with each other and had a wondeful, wonderful relationship. They loved their life, their children, each other and also had a very strong belief in God. I can't possibly understand what my friend is going through this morning...this was totally unexpected as John was doing so well. They have posted that they feel so blessed that John is now with the Lord, that they are even more blessed for have had John in their lives for 40 years. I truly cannot imagine the saddness in my friend's heart...she is surrounded by family and friends and for that i am thankful.

I do know that God must see the entire picture while we only get small glimpses of the picture. We are suppose to trust in the Lord, to believe in the Lord's will. But what bothers me is the fear and the anger that i am feeling for my friends in my small glimpses of the picture. Fear is the one emotion that can rob us of our ability to function. Fear can prevent someone from taking action. And anger? Anger can harden your heart. I am upset for Cali's family who have lost their only child. I am angry that she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I am fearful of how a mother must feel after loosing her only child. I am saddened for my friend who must now raise two little children without her beloved husband. I don't understand how this can possibly be a part of God's plan....and while i don't understand it, i believe that it MUST be part of His plan.

It MUST be part of His plan. Right?

Here in one of my favorite bible quotes:

Whether you turn to the right or to the left,
Your ears will hear a voice behind you saying:
"This is the way; Walk in it.
~Isaiah 30:21

Please pray for my friends.....