'Tis the season....

 

 

 

 

...that there is much to do and what seems like little time to do it all. Decorating, baking, Christmas parties, driving around looking at Christmas lights, visiting Santa and getting your photo taken...the list is endless. But it's different this year. Very different. This year, i'm truly able to see Christmas through Emma's eyes. How lights are simply amazing and beautiful no matter if the lights seem slung on trees; how decorating is something to enjoy and have fun with no matter how you do it; how even cookies that don't look beautiful and perfect are still yummy, and how it's okay to take baby Jesus from the Little People Naivety play set to bed with you. To see Christmas this way, well, makes you slow down and really, really take a look around and take joy in the season and the folks that you love around you.

Emma has been really good about the tree. She's only taken the stuffed reindeer's off of the tree in the family room. Emma touches the ornaments on the bigger tree downstairs in awe....and everything she touches is "bootuful". While i was putting some of the ornaments on the tree, i remember thinking "Is this ornament pretty enough to be on this tree?". I now realize that the ornaments on the tree downstairs, the older ones ornaments, the shatter-proof ornaments recently purchases, the home-made ornaments, all deserves their place on our tree. And it does look "bootuful" with all of them on there together. Letting go of my idea of how the tree decorations, the outdoor decorations, the house decoration need to be "perfect" is hard....after all, so many of my friends decorate like they are Martha-In-Training. But there is joy here in the house with Emma and that is so much more important than me fussing over a tree.

It's also fun to see Emma's language explode. Questions, "wat's dtat?", comments, screams, and requests seem to be never ending. There is frustration on her part that she doesn't sometimes know the words to put together when she's angry and that usually results in a meltdown or a hitting episode (i have to admit my frustration in getting her to stop hitting us....especially when she hits no one else!) that gets out of hand for her. From chatting with some of my girl friends with two year olds, it seems that this is the life of a two year old! I have gotten a little better at the 'stopping-before-it-starts' but some days, i think that this is truly God's way of teaching me patience. I'm sure that God has been frustrated at some of the things i've done so i'm thankful that His grace is endless...and hope that my patience will be during the two year old stage.

I have constant thoughts about my Mom. I know that she would have loved visiting us, spending holidays and birthdays with us. She would have loved this house with it's windows and open plan. It makes me smile and brings tears to my eyes when i think of how much she would have played and loved on Emma. And i know that Emma would have loved her back. The pain of loosing her hasn't lessened and seems to have moved on to a constant ache. I have come to the conclusion that one doesn't get over the loss of their mother. It leaves a hole in your heart and soul. But i realize how blessed i was to have her for 40 years. My Mom's birthday is on Christmas day so i'll make a cake for her even though there will be more than enough desserts to choke a horse. She loved cheesecake so, like the past two years, it will be a cheesecake.

I have things to finish up and it's nap time. (yay for nap time!)

btw, these photos aren't mine. Robert's beautiful niece, Hannah, took them for me when they came to visit us during Thanksgiving.