These are the moments....

 

 

 

 

...that literally take "my" breath away.

These three black and white photo are a snap-shot into our mornings. Emma, in her favorite monkey pjs, being chased by my husband who is acting as the "Tickle Monster". Through the house Emma, Pachi and Robert run, giggling hysterically until the "Tickle Monster" catches Emma and Pachi.

And moments after being caught by the Tickle Monster, the chase begins again; round and round the three of them go, over and over again, Emma with her little girl screams, Robert with his "monster" noises and Pachi swinging from his tail or ears. Poor Pachi is usually being held by one of his ears or his tail (which is barely hanging on, btw) as Emma runs and laughs her belly laugh as she is chased by Robert.

These are the moments that i try to close my eyes and memorize. I try to memorize the smell of fruit loops, the smell of Emma and Robert, the sound of my little daughter laughing and running and my husband, who i fall in love with over and over again as he chases her. I want to hold onto these moments because i know how fast moments move through our lives and just how fast life can change in one of those moments.

I am always terrified that something will happen that is out of my control and these types of moments will stop forever. Perhaps that's why i try to hang on so desperately to the moments that take my breath away. Perhaps that's why i always try to have my camera in hand, to capture the moments. I hang on to my daughter, my husband, and my life like a drowning woman sometimes, terrified that i will loose it all to some unknown force. I worry that God won't be looking at the exact moment that this 'disaster' strikes and my life will forever be changed and i will loose these two cherished ones that i consider "mine" and my happy life.

The truth is, neither my daughter or my husband are "mine".

They are entrusted to me, to take care of, to love, to cherish by God. They are gifts. His gifts to me. And no matter how desperately i hang on to both of them, they will never be "mine".

They are His.

Just as i am.

I recently have realized that hanging on so desperately to my moments out of fear with my family takes the joy out of those moments. For me to think that i have control of my life or that these two that i love are "mine" isn't smart or wise, either. I am entrusted by God to take care of both of them, cherish both of them and love both of them as best as i can. And i am to cherish the moments that i am given with them as a gift...

...a gift from God.

I know all about God's gift of eternal life for us. I know that He loves us so much that He gave His son for us. I know that things happen to people for reasons that i don't understand and struggle with, but that God understands. I know that i am to trust God with all my heart and soul. But i sometimes find myself wanting to "help" God with "my" ideas of how i think things should be in the world and in my life. I tend forget, it seems, that He has a plan for each of us and truly, does not need my help or input with any of it no matter how helpful i think that i may be.

Although i think and say that i trust God with all my heart and soul, do i?

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." ~Isaiah 41:10

"Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him." ~Psalm 2:12

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." ~Psalm 27:14

In my quiet moments now, i am a student again, learning and reading my bible. I am immature in my faith, wanting to "help" God, wanting to change things to suit me. Learning for me, is a slow process, reading the bible and learning about it can be a challenge; but it has also been almost like an awakening of my soul. I am learning how to let go, learning how to truly trust God entirely and not just let that be a sentence that comes from my mouth that sounds good. I am slowly learning to let the moments in my life continue to take my breath away, not be fearful of the unknown, and to truly not only put God first but to trust Him fully.

It's hard to teach these things if you don't know them yourself, you know. A child knows when your bluffing or when you don't have a clue about what you're talking about. I have to get this right, teaching Emma about God and how to study His word. It's one of the most important thing as a parent that i can teach her.

I want to be the one to teach Emma not only about how amazing God is, how amazing His grace is, how amazing His love is for us...

...but how thankful and grateful we should be to Him for all of those moments in our lives that He gives us that take our breath away.

Because if we think those moments He gives us here on earth are amazing and take our breath away, can you imagine how awesome and breath taking it will be to stand before Him when our time comes?

Truly a moment to look forward to...