A Mr. Jim Birthday Party....

....was held this past weekend. I snapped way too many photos, but that's what you do when it's a fun party. Between watching the twins "decorate" their grandfather's birthday cake and just enjoying watching this bunch, well, it was truly a fun time to take photos.

Ms. Jo continues to hang in there. I'm honored that she's sharing this part of her life with me....i just wish that i could stop what is going on and make her healthy again. But just as she told me, cancer is part of her journey and we all have our own journeys. I suppose that she's right, but i still think that cancer, well, sucks.

What is He.....

....trying to teach me?!?!?!

Very early this morning, i woke up my poor husband, who had fallen asleep upstairs with a scream of "GET OUT!!!". You know, like the house in that horror movie screamed at those people who lived there? Yeah. Just like that. How awesome to wake up someone who had fallen asleep upstairs with that?!?! What a lucky man he is!

No wonder he sometimes falls asleep on the couch.

Truth be told, i use to have really, really horrible dreams. The kind that wake yourself up because you are screaming, yelling or thrashing about like an elephant trying to dance hip-hop? Yeah. Those kind of wonderful, awesome dreams. I figured it was due to stuff that had happened before in my first marriage and just hoped that it would go away. After i married Robert, those kind of dreams, thankfully, gradually disappeared (and he was very thankful, too, btw). As life became something that i always had dreamed it would never become, i rarely had those types dreams anymore.

That is, until something would trigger one.

Lately, i've had these dreams again....and i could not, for the life of me, understand why. I mean, i have a really nice life that i am so very grateful for that i never thought that i would have. I am sure to thank God every single morning to let Him know how grateful i am for the type of life i have. I am a wife to a man who loves God. I am a mother, the best job in the world unless you're potty training to a daughter that i love so very much. I have a roof over my head. I have so many friends that i love and cherish.

This morning, i totally understand why the dreams are back.

I get it.

This time, my dreams are trying to teach me lessons.

And there are lessons from God in these dreams of mine that i have always struggled with. I have ALWAYS struggled with these lessons. Always.

I think that i finally understand the two lessons that God is trying His best to teach me, His daughter, who apparently has to be taught things over and over AND OVER....

He is teaching me, one, that "nothing on this earth belongs to me."

Not my home, not my cool new running tennis shoes, not my amazing Born heels caught on sale for an amazing price, not my plants, not my photos, not my writings, not my treasured books, not my precious camera, not my cherished friends, not my difficult, but much loved sister, not my much-loved husband, not my very much-loved daughter. Not even me who i am not sure that i like/love at times.

None of these things that i seem to think are so "precious" belong to me.

None of it.

Absolutely NONE of it.

Not one piece.

They belong to HIM.

ALL OF IT.

The other thing that He is doing his best to teach His hard headed daughter is that i have no control over the world. Read that one again....i have NO CONTROL over the world even though in my mind which my very sweet and funny husband likes to call "Isabel-land", i like to think that i do. Apparently, i like to think that i control everything that i see. You know, like "all that i see in MY kingdom, i control and rule over"? Yeah, like that.

I control nothing in this world.

Nada, Zip, the big Zero.

Nothing.

HE DOES.

I don't control my little, cute daughter (what a shocker, eh?), i don't control the weather (otherwise, no snow days....), i don't control/decide who lives or dies, who has cancer and who doesn't (because my Mom and Ms. Jo would so totally be cured), i don't control/decide who gets to live or die, i don't control/decide whether the sun comes up tomorrow or not, and i don't control/decide who gets to poop on the potty or not apparently. I don't decide/control anything.

Nothing.

I control nothing in this world.

Nada. Zip. The big Zero.

NOTHING.

HE DOES.

All i can do is pray for people, love them the very best i can, treat them the best i can, take care of them the best i can and realize that everyone, EVERYONE is on loan to me from God. All of the special people and the "things" that i think are so important don't belong to me. We don't belong to each other. We belong to HIM.

God is in control. I am here to love, pray and take care of those in life who need me.

That's what He's trying to teach me.

Bradford Pears....

 

 

....are one of my most favorite trees. They signal to me that Spring is indeed near and for me to just be patient and wait a little longer. I love waiting for those trees to bloom as they are truly that stunning to see close up.

The biggest problem with Bradford Pears is that their inner branches are pretty weak and have a tendency to break off the tree during wind storms. I've seen beautiful Bradford Pear trees split down the middle during the storms because of their week branches. No matter how large the trunk of this tree gets, it still doesn't seem to protect it from splitting. Pruning seems to help a little and i've seen some pretty severe pruning of these trees....i think that the jury is still out on the pruning thing.

Even still, i love this tree....and it's beautiful blooms.

Goin' for a visit...

....to see these two lovely folks this weekend. I'm surprised that they are not tired of me yet; of course, they may be and are just too nice to tell me to shoo!

Sweet Jo is still hanging in there and Mr. Jim is right there with her.

I am sometimes at a loss for words when i visit Ms. Jo and Mr. Jim. Words just don't seem to come easily some times as i want to offer comfort and a smile and i am at a loss. Those of you that know me, know how rare it is for me to be at a loss for words....maybe sometimes, words don't need to be spoken and just being there is enough. Either way, i'm grateful that i'm being given the chance to be with them during all of this....

I keep reminding myself that Ms. Jo is headed to a better place, where she won't be sick or in pain. I'm sad, though, for her family and for her many friends that love her. I know that they don't want to see her suffer, but i know that it's tough to let go of someone that you love so very much. I guess that i need to remember that we are all here on loan from God and one day, we'll all be together again.

sigh...life is hard sometimes, isn't it?

Da Tickle Monster....

 

 

 

 

....who is better known as "Dada", shows up every day, ready to chase and tickle.

Really, i need to video it for you to get the full effect of the laughter, giggles, and little girl screams that happen when the Tickle Monster appears.

It warms my heart to hear Emma belly laugh and to watch my husband, no matter how tired he is, chase Emma and giggle right along with her.

I am so, so very grateful to be in their lives, to be a Mommy to Emma and a wife to Robert.

They are the colors and the music in my life...

Thought for the day...

Faith isn't faith
until it's all
you're holding on to...

~ Anonymous

A Visit...

2 When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
3 For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...
Isaiah 43:2-3

The past two weekends, i've been blessed to be invited to stay with sweet Ms. Jo and Mr. Jim. It has been an amazing two weekends for me; full of laughter, love, hugs and chats. I can't explain how grateful i am to the two of them to have let me into their lives and into their families so i can spend some special time with Ms. Jo.

Ms. Jo and Mr. Jim lived across the street from me when i lived in Athens. I was married at the time to my first husband and the Farley's, i think, always knew that something, well, just wasn't quite right at my home. They were right, of course, but never said anything about that; they just let me know that if i needed anything, i could come to them. Just knowing that they were across the street and i could run there at any time, was a huge blessing to me.

It's funny how God puts people in your life dressed in regular clothes who are really angels in disguise, isn't it?

Ms. Jo has a green thumb. Heck, to be honest, she has green hands. Every plant seemed to thrive with her and she knew so much about plants. I learned to love flowers, plants and trees from my grandma, so i was thrilled to find someone who had info that i needed! The day that they moved from our neighborhood and into their home that they are in now was a truly sad day for me. I felt like i had lost my buddies, my pals. I never had invited my parents to my home for fear that they would be dragged into my mess of a marriage, so, the Farley's were kinda like "my" family during that time.

Thankfully, we kept in touch. Ms. Jo's new home had an amazing garden and she delighted in her new home. A beautiful apple-decorated kitchen, her treasured antiques that she and Mr. Jim would find and bring home soon decorated the new home. I was thrilled they were so dang happy there...but i still, selfishly, wanted them to move back. But she and Mr. Jim were two peas in a pod and happy as clams in their new home...it was fun to watch the two of them banter back and fourth. It was almost like watching a dance between the two of them, one that had been perfected over many, many years of marriage.

Ms. Jo is also one of those women who take care of others. She is a nurturer in every sense of the word. She took care of her husband and loved her two children. She loved her friends and they loved her back. I remember thinking way back when we lived across the street from each other: "She should do more stuff for herself!" but the truth is, that wouldn't have made her happy. Taking care and loving others was what made Ms. Jo happy.

And she did those things so well.

To hear from Mr. Jim that sweet Ms. Jo was sick was hard to swallow for me. And the fact that it was cancer, well, made it even harder for me to swallow. I knew what was in store for her. I knew without a doubt what was in store for her. I was scared for her because i knew what cancer, radiation and chemo can and will do and it's not pretty. I was scared because of the Stage the cancer was classified in. I was terrified for not only her, but for her family. I didn't want Mr. Jim to watch her get sick. I didn't want her daughter, who was younger than i was and had a beautiful daughter and a sweet husband, to see how sick her mother was going to get. I didn't want her son, who i had pretty much watched grow up into a young man who also now had family of his own, to have to watch his mother get sick. Ms. Jo would loose her hair. She would feel horribly sick. I wanted to stop this from happening, and yet, i knew that i couldn't. I prayed as hard as i could that maybe the doctors were wrong, or that what they found would mysteriously disappear.

That didn't happen.

No matter what i did, or anyone else did, no matter how many people loved her and she loved back, no matter that she had beautiful grandchildren, she was going to get much sicker with treatment. In order to get rid of cancer, she would have to get much sicker first and then, get better. Ms. Jo would get sicker than any of them had ever seen her get....and it would break their hearts. It would break all of our hearts.

Just like it did for my family when my Mama got sick.

Ms. Jo, however, is not the "sit in the corner and pout" kinda gal. Her spirits, her faith, her strength did what is no surprise to anyone who knows and loves her: she got on her boxing gloves and decided to fight and do everything and anything she could do so she could stay with Mr. Jim and be "Nana" to her three grand kids. If it meant chemo and radiation, so be it. She would do what she had to do to give her the best shot at being able to stay with her family. I hate to admit this, but i think that i am a "sit in the corner and pout" kinda gal. I do know that Ms. Jo had her moments, but from what i understand, they were private ones. Ms. Jo is the one who made her friends feel comfortable when they visited and put them at ease. Ms. Jo hugged back tightly when hugged and continued to love on each and everyone of her many visitors. You know you've been loved on when Ms. Jo hugs you...

Now, under Hospice care, i can see her gradually getting weaker. She is in a wheelchair (that i named "Sally", btw) now and needs help getting things done. She hasn't eaten solid food in over 20 days; preferring to sip on Ginger Ale and eat orange Popsicles. Ms. Jo, however, is still doing things under her terms and i am so very proud of her. Her sharp wit is still there, her smile is still there, her eye rolling is still there and her hugs are still there. And the banter between Mr. Jim and she is still there and makes me smile each time i think of it.

Ms. Jo, Mr. Jim, their children and many friends know that there will be a time when things will change. Oddly enough, i think that it's Ms. Jo who is helping them deal with this. I can tell she puts everything she has into talking and loving and family and friends; almost as if she is trying to cram as much love as she can into an unknown amount of time. It's as if she is teaching us how to die with grace...and how to truly live our lives.

Because that's truly what it's all about, isn't it? Loving God, relying, trusting on Him to walk with you, loving others with your whole heart and serving them? Isn't that what life IS all about? Aren't those things the things that bring you the blessings in life and make it worth living? Aren't those the things that truly make you feel the most alive? Aren't those the things that God put us here to do?

I think so. I truly think so.

I'll be going back to spend some more weekends with sweet Ms. Jo and Mr. Jim very soon. Her garden needs some tending to, and i want, selfishly, to hang out with them. I'm grateful for this time with them, grateful to both of them for including me in their lives....and grateful for the lessons that Ms. Jo is teaching me.

I just wish that i could have learned those lessons on what life is about another way...

I spy....

....SPRING!

It does look as if Spring is right around the corner, according to my plants. Our newly planted butterfly garden is slowly waking up and coming back to life, the daylillies are starting to slowly peek out and the days are getting just a bit longer. I am so very ready for Spring! I see lots of trips to the garden center and lots of planting of things for Emma and i....

It's going to be a beautiful Spring, my friends...

Photo Tuesday...