Unexpected Absences....

....do happen. Last October, after i posted my last post, i was at a very unhappy place. The state of the world, things unexpectedly happening around me, changes happening that i couldn't control, and some personal issues starting, left me where i just didn't feel like or want to post. This blog has been my 'safe' place in that very few read my blog so i was very comfortable in the kind of things i was posting. I felt fine posting things about my little family. I was okay with sharing about my Emma. I was okay that others read the rambling stuff that i was writing. It was only after some things cropped up with Emma that i had a sense of what i was posting wouldn't be in her best interest. It is one thing to write about myself and how i am dealing with things, but Emma has no say in what i post about her. Did she or would she want me posting private stuff about her? Is sharing her life, her joys and her struggles a good thing to do? I know that there are tons of bloggers who post often and regularly about their families, their joys and their struggles but i wasn't sure if i wanted to be that 'sharing'. Of course, that leads to whether or not to go to a private blog or not.

I do love blogging. Is it easier to blog than to write in a notebook or journal. Photos can be shared, thoughts can be scribbled, ideas can be gathered and thought out-loud while scribbling. It is wise to always remember, though, what you put out there, well, is out there. Share too little? It's out there. Share too much? Oops, it's out there, too. No matter how "safe" i feel on my little blog, i always try to remember that my thoughts are truly public when i scribble them out on my blog. The only 'safe' place would be a written journal, in my possession and not an online blog. But again, i do love blogging and the other women that i have come in contact with while i've blogged. Thru these other bloggers, i've learned so much about motherhood, adoption and just life; i've also learned that i am not alone in the things that i am currently struggling in, that even clouds eventually run out of rain and that the sun does come out again.

So, i am still struggling with that....to blog or not to blog, to share or not to share, to go private or not. Even as i struggle with it, however, i miss blogging. I miss getting my thoughts out and being able to read them to look at those thoughts in a different way. And although this blog was started as a adoption journey blog, it has morphed into a family blog with my occasional rambles about whatever has caught my attention. I would write many more of those high spirited rambles, but i stop because i don't know if those rambles really belong here or not. The blog has become a mish-mash about life, i guess.

One of my favorite things about blogging is that it really is a great way to have a sort of "Life Book" of your family, for your family. Things happen that are sometimes forgotten in the rush of daily life and a blog is really a great way to capture and remember those moments. Those special moments are what binds us together as a family, the moments that we laugh about and bring us together in later times of life. I want to remember how insistent Emma was, at five years old, she thought that we should take Uncle David for his 50th birthday to Chuckie Cheese because she thought he would LOVE getting a photo taken with Chuckie the Cheese Mouse and how riding the horse at Chuckie Cheese would be the "perfect" gift for him. These are the moments that i want to smile about in the years to come....

Of course, i could just throw caution to the wind and write whatever it is that i wish to write.

Not sure if i am that daring.

But it is a thought.

Perhaps i need to seek out another blogger and just ask their thoughts on sharing about their families and children.

Yes, maybe i will do that.

It is time to pick up my little person from kindergarten....i've missed her much today.