Photos....

It's that time of year......

....again and it's coming quickly. We are pretty much decorated, Jingles is back, baking cookies has begun and i'm busy with our Christmas cards. I have learned to let go of having decorations on our tree exactly where i want them; Christmas has been a lot easier for me since i've learned that! Most of our decorations on the tree stop as far as Emma can reach, but i've managed to move some of them a littler higher so it doesn't appear that short elves decorated our tree! Emma is full of questions as we put up the ornaments: "Where did dis one come from, Mommy?" and "Wlook! I MADE DIS ONE!!". Like most families, we have a lot of ornaments....and i gave up a long time ago trying to have a tree with matching colors/ornaments. Our tree has all kinds of ornaments that don't match, but it seems that every ornament has a story. Of course, it seems that now my favorite ornaments are ones that Emma has made or ones that we have made together. I think that Emma's favorites are the ornaments that i order each Fall from Guatemala. Some are animals, some are stars, some are dolls....each one is special to her and i love seeing how much she loves them.

As much as i love this time of year, it's the rushing to get things done part that can sink my Christmas Spirit quickly. It seems that i need to start getting things moving in September instead of late November. This time of year rushes pass me way too fast. I watch my life and i want to slow everything down, mostly so i can remember every single moment. There are days when things are tough for me mentally, but when i see all that i am entrusted with, my heart sings. Nothing is more precious than sitting on the couch with Emma and Robert, just looking at the tree. These are the types of moments that money and riches can never buy and it some times seems that these moments happen in the blink of an eye. I want to hold life in my hand, hold it still so it doesn't pass too fast...but there's no way to stop life. Enjoying life moment by moment and being grateful and thankful seems the best way to actually live life.

Our yard is decorated with a huge blowup of Santa and his reindeers, elves and pegiuns in his hot tub. I'm surprised that our homeowners association hasn't fined us for this blowup! There is also a reindeer with a red nose who looks like he's flying, another blowup Santa on the porch, garland on the railings and a pretty big white, metal snowman with lights. It seems that every year we add something else...i'm afraid that my husband and daughter love the blowups, so there's no telling what we will have next year!

I've done some baking. It's nice how smells of different cookies can take us back to our childhoods. I made my most favorite Christmas cookie: Snowballs. Some folks know them as Mexican Wedding Cookies, or Russian Tea Cakes, but my Mama called them Snowballs, so that's what i call them. She would make these every year for me. When i moved away from home and would come home late on Christmas Eve, she always had a tin full of these cookies, waiting on me. Mama was a wonderful cook and baker and i miss her more and more every holiday. While Emma makes my holidays full of fun, laughter and giggles, there's always an ache in my heart because i miss my Mama so much.

Off to finish a few things....more later.

Sweet Emme.....

We spent the morning together to get Santa photos taken....and in Emma's words, "Dis is da best day eber, Mommy!"

Despite the rain.....

...it's been a fun two days.  Emma is having a wonderful time with her new friends and we are having a hard time keeping her out of the creek. I asked her what was her favorite part of the day, and she said "Explorin' and playin' wiff out you followin' me, Mommy!!"

I guess my girl needs her space...the three girls have been pretty much glued together the past two days.  The two girls came and got Emma at 8am and I didn't see them till lunch time. After lunch, the three if them took off again till almost dinner time. I wish Emma could have this type of freedom more--you know, to just play in creeks, run with her friends and explore, but well, it's just not possible on a daily basis.  I do have a feeling that we will be spending more time here in the future,  though.

Robert has been a good sport about being here on his birthday.  We are in what is called a "Boo-Boo" cabin; basically,  it's a set of bunk beds , a futon a small kitchen area with a mini-frig,  and a very tiny shower/toilet room.  It hasn't bothered us though because we have spent most of our time outdoors. It is a beautiful area, but the camp sites and cabins are pretty close together.  I am surprised at how many families are here with all of the rain....the rain, of course,  hasn't bothered the kids in the least.

It is very late, but I can't sleep.  I know that I'll be sorry tomorrow that I didn't get more sleep,  though. Maybe if I am lucky, I can sneak in a short nap!

Today.....

...is my birthday.

I am 49 years old today.

This is what 49 looks like on me...

I'm very surprised that the number "49" doesn't bother me in the least bit.

I have gotten many Happy Birthday wishes--i even heard from my Dad last night! Yesterday was my Dad's birthday and Emma sang the Happy Birthday song to him over the phone. It was beyond sweet and he actually told her that her singing was his best present. Emma had a smile on from ear to ear as she loves to sing. My Dad is actually leaving today to visit my Mom's family in Spain. I was a bit surprised that he was going, much less staying there till mid-November. I'm so glad he's going though...and i only wish i was going with him!

I won't be hearing from my sister as we haven't spoken in a few months due to a huge difference of opinion; but it's okay. It is what it is. For once, i refuse to change my stance on something to please her. She believes that it is a slap in the face for me to be FaceBook friends with her ex-husband and his wife. My sister and her husband have been divorced for over 5 years now. No, it was by no means a pleasant divorce....but you know, the failure of that marriage is between the two of them and because of two of them. Her ex-husband and wife have been nothing but kind to me and Robert. It's not "our family" against "their family" and i refuse to make it that and take sides. We aren't in high school, for heaven's sake...

I do, however, miss my sister something fierce, and all of the drama she has a tendency to bring into my life.

Emma and i are going cake and ice cream shopping today after school. I have a feeling that i will end up with some kind of princess or animal cake and strawberry ice cream for this birthday, but that's okay as i love strawberry ice cream and i love any kind of cake! Emma is very excited about picking me out a cake...while i normally bake my cake, this year, it will be fun to see what she picks out.

I have loved being in my 40's.

I took an amazing nap this morning.

I am thankful.

Very thankful for all that i have.

A sweet, loving husband.

A cute, funny daughter.

A dog that i love.

And friends....

....i only wish that i could hear my Mom sing Happy Birthday to me in Spanish one more time.

9.11.2014

"Mommy, why are da flags half way down?"

I gently explain why, asking her if she remembered last year when Mrs. Gilmer-Smith read to them the book about the planes crashing, and all of the other events of that day.

"A whole lotta people went to heaven to be wif God dat day, Mommy. I bet God was happy ta see all ob dem that day."

"Yes, sweetie.....they did. I'm sure that their families still miss them, though...."

"But shouldn't we be kina happy about dem being in heaven wif God?"

I love when my child teaches me things.....

So far behind....

I love this photo...
...that i am starting to panic. I have a list of all of the things i am behind on, and it's getting a bit overwhelming. It's almost to the point that i don't know where to start! I have a list of things-to-do, a list of stuff for Emma, a list of things that need attention at our home, a list of things i'm behind on, a list of the lists....sad, isn't it? I've also gotten interested in the Project Life thing (if you aren't familiar with Project Life, goggle it! I promise you won't be sorry!!) and of course, that's become something else i'm behind in.

I have scribbled notes of things i need to post here on scraps of paper that i can find to write on when i don't have my notebook with me. I think i need to blog about everything instead of just family...if i don't, i may explode. I love politics and following issues that are important to me, but i rarely post about them. Some of the topics are those kind of topics where everyone has a opinion and they don't play with other's whose opinions differ from their own. What is it they say about opinions? That they are like you-know-whats--everyone has one. But i am finally starting to feel safe in my little corner of the internet, so i'm going to poke my toe out and really, just write. I've wanted to go in this direction for a long time, but just didn't. What's the worst that can happen? Nevermind, don't answer that...lol.

We are all fine, just busy. Emma is loving second grade and her teacher. Once again, we have hit the teacher lotto with Mrs. Shockey. Amazing woman who loves what she does. I couldn't ask for anyone better. Emma loves reading and she is reading without us asking her to. It's amazing seeing how much she is learning! Mrs. Shockey somehow got everyone in the class world globes...and you would have thought it was the best present ever! Emma knows all seven of the continents, all five of the oceans and she'll tell me amazing stuff with details--like what a ladybug starts off as and what stages it goes thru to become a ladybug. It's so amazing to see her soak up school...and honestly, i believe it's because of the wonderful teachers she's had at her school.

Robert is busy, as usual. Because of the way he works, i'm able to be home for Emma in the morning and when she gets off of the school bus. I can't tell you how grateful i am to my husband to be a stay-at-home mom during these years for Emma. The chats after school with her about her day, her doing homework while i cook or work on something at the table are precious times to me.

And i am hanging in there...working on projects, reading, playing with Pickles, and working on different blogs for friends. I have a neighbor who i have become friends with and she is a joy to talk to and grab lunch with. I am worried that she is going to figure out how much i like her and run away! Like most women, i have let my girl friendships go because i haven't taken the time to nurture them. And that's sad, because we all need girl friends. All of us. So, that's been something that i've been working on. I have to be honest, though, it's hard. I like being alone, i really do like being alone. The issue is, i'm alone too much, i think. It's difficult, too, to show your daughter the importance of friendship when you don't have any close friends!

I'm off to go look at a house that Robert has found online. Huge fenced in yard. Smaller house. Same schools for Emma (which is a requirement for me!). The kitchen looks less than inviting, but because of the price, it can be re-done. There is also room for a pool, which Robert would love. So, i'm going to sneak by and take a look at it.

....and then it's back to work on laundry!

Saturday Mornings....

...are pretty much my favorite. I've just started a new book and i think that Emma and i are on the downward swing of our being sick. We may even sneak out of the house today as i think we both need to get outside and away from the house for a bit. We snuck out yesterday to visit the local plant nurseries and see the koi fish at another. Emma was lucky-the guy on duty where the koi fish are let her feed them! Now, it seems, we need to have a koi pond in the backyard.

I just finished reading "Double Down" and it was really a good book. The book i've just started, "Race of a Lifetime" is by the same authors and it's starting off to be a good read, too. Political books like these are a favorite, as are biographies. "Race of a Lifetime" deals with the 2008 Presidential Election, so needless to say, i'm a bit late in reading this best seller, but better late than never. There is nothing like getting lost in a book; it's truly one of my most favorite things to do. I just hate that it seems to take me so much longer now to finish a book!

We are sponsoring a sailor again who is out at sea....so very excited to do this again. We do this in Matt's name. Matt is Robert's nephew, who was also a sailor but was lost at sea a few years ago in the Gulf of Aden. It's hard to think about Matt...such a young, smart, intelligent man with his future in front of him. He was following his dreams and his ending should have been so much different. But God, it seems, has other plans and these other plans sometimes make no sense. We have a 'girl' sailor, which is really cool. I was able to hear from her this morning and that, too, was very cool. Emma and i are working on a Care Package for her and as silly as it sounds, it is so much fun to put it together for our sailor. I can't imagine life on a ship like that!

Lots of fun baby news around us....a friend of Robert's son has a wife who is expecting her first baby. I believe that this little one is due just in time for Christmas, too. I also have a long time friend who has a young daughter is expecting her first child with her husband in mid-February. Both girls are relatively young but both of these young women seem exceptionally strong and so in love with their husbands. Yes, i wonder if they are too young, but you know, my Mama had me pretty young, too. And yes, i do realize that my Mom had me a long time ago and that times have changed. But looking back at photos, i can see how my sister and i "grew up" with my Mom and it makes me smile. My parents took us everywhere with them; if we couldn't go, then no one went...and i have a feeling that both of these young women will be wonderful mothers. My friend's daughter is a bit special to me as i've seen her grow up from a kid to the woman she is becoming now. I'm not sure how the parents feel about their young daughters (okay, they aren't THAT young, lol....just young to me!) being pregnant; i imagine there is concern about how they should have waited till they were more settled, had more money, better jobs, etc. but i hope that they will realize that these babies are something that both young women wanted. They both wanted to become Mothers and have families...and i'm willing to bet everything will turn out fine. I am hoping that i can be an "honorary" aunt for my friend's daughter--because you know, i'm much to young to be a grandmother. :)

Well, it's time to find some lunch and then, perhaps, get out for the rest of the day. It is a beautiful day today with the sun shining and that's the kind of day that is best to be outside in!

It has been.....

....a very long time since i have been this sick. In fact, all three of us are sick--which, if you're a Mommy, you know that is a disaster. Poor Emma and i basically have laid in bed for almost a week, fighting off this yuck.

Sickness around here usually follows the same MO:

Emma gets sick first.
Robert goes next.
And then i fall down hard and fast.
Trust me when i say that when i fall hard and fast, it's not a pretty sight.

I ached in places i forgot i had.

Emma is finally coming around.

Robert is slowly coming around.

Me?

Not so much.

But i have a peach of a husband who made a roast and homemade mashed potatoes tonight for us. I was too scared to eat as much as i wanted to, so i just had a very small bowl of the mashed potatoes with the yummy gravy. The smell was amazing....but i was right in not eating too much as i could feel my stomach wanting to get rid of what i had eaten.

Hopefully, we will all fully recover this week.

Right?

Today....

....seven years ago, we became a family of three.

That moment, seven years ago, was the most amazing moment for Robert and i. I have no doubt that moment will be cherished forever by both of us.

I remember every detail of that day....counting her fingers and toes, praying over her, holding her close while she held on to my finger with her little hand. I remember her falling asleep on me, still holding my finger. I remember her looking into my eyes with her big, brown beautiful eyes...what a moment for me.

And as grateful and thankful i am to be her Mama, my heart aches for her birth mother, who may have felt she had no other choice than to place her first, little daughter up for adoption. I constantly pray for S, trying to desperately let her know thru my prayers that her little daughter is much loved, safe and is growing up to be a funny, smart, people-loving little girl who has her eyes, her nose and her hair.

So, you see, my happiness happened at the expense of another woman....and i truly never forget that. I have to be honest when i say that knowledge has also changed me so much. It has made me look at adoption in a different light, changing long-held beliefs about what i felt adoption is/was and how adoption should come to be. It's hard to share those thoughts because i know that folks will think to themselves, "Well, you adopted your daughter the way adoption was...." and that's true. But one day, one day soon, i'm going to put my thoughts on the subject of adoption. I have a feeling my friends will not be completely thrilled with my thoughts....but i am hoping that they will understand them.

We love you, sweet girl....to the Moon and Back!

Home, Sweet Home!

After an amazing family vacation for two weeks to Hilton Head Island, we are home.

I love going on vacation, but i love coming home, too....i just can't describe the feeling of walking into my home. It's almost like i finally exhale and feel totally at peace to be home. Of course, i get that feeling of peace when i arrive at the beach, but there is something that i love about where i call home. Tennessee is one of the most beautiful states--really, i'm just not saying that because i now call it home. Honest.

I managed to end up looking like a racoon with my sunburnt face....but i didn't care. No makeup for almost two weeks felt good-i did wear light makeup one night when we went out to eat at Hudson's. I managed to keep my face moisturized so it didn't feel like a piece of old leather and i got sun gradually instead of getting burnt my first day out. You finally learn that wisdom as you grow up, i guess.

Emma loved the beach and the pool. She had a wonderful time as she made friends with everyone she could while practicing her swimming. This kid loves water and loves to dive underwater. I'm now looking into lessons where she can get even better; but wow, those lessons don't come cheap. The biggest surprise was watching her take to seafood. One night, Robert brought us almost 4 lbs of fresh shrimp for dinner and i couldn't believe how much Emma ate. She loved shrimp! She peeled her own shrimp and ate her weight in shrimp. It was fun to watch her try new things....

Lots to do here at home....laundry and putting the house back together after the upstairs overflowed a few weeks before we went on vacation. All of the repairs are made, but carpets need to be cleaned, beds need to be moved around, sheets/comoforters bought and beds need to be made. It's been overwhelming, to say the least. Thankfully, Emma goes to camp next week during the day, so i think i can finish up then.

Back to my work....

Look, Mama!

"Wook, Mommy!! We are growin' a bean stalk!!

Are we farmers?!?

I vaguely remember planting a seed in a cup at school when i was Emma's age probably because it was THAT long ago that i really can't remember. I do remember always loving plants and being amazed when i learned just how a plant grew....add water and sunlight, and ta-da! Your plant would grow. And of course, i come from a long line of tree hugging/plant loving women--my grandmother and mother had amazing green thumbs; although i've always loved plants and trees, my thumb was more of a dark brown variety.

Emma came home one day before school let out with a little plastic cup with a tiny bean plant that she had planted at school. She was very excited....and told me all of the things we needed to do to keep our "bean tree" alive. So, she watered and made sure that her plant was in the sun and as this little plant grew, we transplanted it into a bigger pot. I was holding my breath, willing this little bean plant not to die as i know my reputation around growing things.

This little bean plant of hers is growing amazingly well. It first grew flowers, and then the bean thingys came from the flowers. I don't know who was more excited, me or Emma! It now needs to be transplanted into a much, much bigger pot and it needs bean poles to climb on.

I know, i know.....Emma and i are getting carried away with our one bean plant. We now have a small pot of strawberries that we managed to grow from Strawberry seeds!! I can hardly stand it!!

Perhaps my husband is right....we need a small farm.

Or maybe we can just grow some potatoes in old tires.....and get kicked out of our neighborhood for being so 'creative' in our desire to be "farmers". When i told my husband about seeing folks grow potatoes in tires, he stared at me like i was insane. He then told me, that under NO circumstances was i to go find a bunch of old tires and drag them to our house to plant potatoes in.

He's just not any fun some days...

Either way.....growing plants from seeds with Emma has been so much fun. I love when you are able to have fun but still manage to make it a learning thing. Seeing the amazement on Emma's face has been awesome.

Maybe next year we can plant corn....

Because rainy days.....

...can be fun, too!