What?

 

You know, i use to roll my eyes when i was younger and folks talked about medical issues....lets just say, i'm not rolling my eyes anymore.

Late Wednesday, after my long ranting post, i received a call from my doctor's nurse. I spoke too soon about in my pity post about feeling like no one cared. This nurse did care and she cared a great deal. And talked to me well over 30 minutes. She was so good, i want her to be my new best friend. We talked about what happened, why, and most importantly, whan she had done to fix everything for me. And so, we rescheduled the biopsy for Friday, which was yesterday.

Being the high strung, loopy, loopy nut job that i can work myself up into being, i was given one Xanex (i think that's spelt correctly) to take before we left for the biopsy. I remember thinking, "Geeze, this one little blue pill is going to do something? Yeah, sure, they should have given me at least 4 of them!" Let's just say that i so understand why folks take Xanax. It takes you to a nice, warm, happy place that lets you forget (and not care....lol) you are wearing the ugliest hospital clothes and that your backside maybe peeking out.

The folks at the registration part of the hospital were wonderful. Even when they asked me for my Mom's maiden name and i cried as i explained that she had passed away and couldn't i give them another 'code' word? They let me keep Robert with me as long as they could, which i was thankful for. The sonogram was really different than the first one....it took a LOT longer and seemed to be more deliberate. After the sonogram, the sweet tech let me lay there, where i promptly fell asleep until i woke up, much, much later and she told me the news that i would now be having a CT Scan. I had no idea what that was, but, in my happy, goofy state, i would have agreed to anything, even with that ugly hospital gown on. Off we went...rolling down the hall with me wondering why all hospitals are so white. Surely some light lavender paint would be more soothing...

The CT Scan was, well, odd. They did it with a dye....and of course, it's put into your system with a needle. Over quickly and painlessly. Then, the nurse rolled me back to the first room i was in and said with a huge smile "You're all done!"

I looked at her as if she was speaking German and explained, no, i wasn't "all done", that i was there to have a biopsy. She told me that she would go check with whoever it was you check with for these things....and came back with the same chipper answer. By this time, Robert was able to come back. I explained to the chipper, happy nurse that i wanted her to check again and to please call my doctor, as i had NO plans on coming back for this biopsy and to please make sure as i had arranged for someone to watch my daughter and did not want to do this again. She toddles off and comes back with the same chipper answer and smile so i'm thinking "What do i know?" and i get out of the ugly, yucky gown and back into my favorite jeans.

We leave!

Guess who calls my home almost two and a half hours later to tell me that they made a mistake and need to reschedule me for a biopsy on Monday? Yep, Chipper Nurse. She felt horrible, i could tell, and kept apologizing over and over again....apparently, the doctor who does the biopsy was looking for me and thought that they had "lost" me in a room and she had to tell him that she told me it was okay for me to leave. I would have hated to be this nurse who told me to go home! But i was still in happy Xanax land so i didn't say any of the things that i normally would have. But the fact remains, Robert will again take off from work, and Emma? Well, our plan is for Robert to drop me off on Monday and to stay at home with Emma. Robert isn't happy about this plan, but i think that it's a good plan. The amazing (and i mean, Christine was AMAZING) babysitter we managed to find for Emma is in school, our regular babysitter is working, our neighbors are out of town or working and to be honest, i would feel better knowing that Emma is taken care of at home with Robert. Besides, i'll have my friend, Xanex to take care of my high strung, sweet self... :)

The worse part to all of this has been my having a better understand of how my Mom must have felt, waiting for someone to tell her something, her maybe not understanding what they were doing to her (sometimes, her English wasn't too good and i know she didn't understand certain things) and how she just wanted to have them tell her, "You're fine! We made a mistake! You can go home to your family!" My Mom didn't speak of these things....but how scared she must have been when she was laying there, waiting for them to do whatever procedure they were going to do, praying that she would be okay. You can have all of the supportive folks in your life with you at the hospital, but when they roll you away, it's just you and all of your fears. I imagine how my Mom just wanted to be better for her family because she knew we needed her. Oddly, i could 'feel' her with me yesterday and it was comforting. How i wish that i still had this woman in my life! No matter how old you get, you are never too old to need your Mother. Her death and sickness has changed me in so many ways, so many ways. It's probably one of the reasons that i take nothing for granted and i do my best to enjoy every single moment with Emma. I saw through my Mom's illness how fast life can change and be taken away through an illness and i want to savor every single moment of being a Mommy and a wife.

Since everyone in my home is sleeping, well, i suppose i should too. But only after i go upstairs and check on my Emma....