Presents....

 

 

 

To remember to charge your battery camera is extremely important. If you forget, well, you then miss lots of photo taking opportunities. How do i know this? Don't ask... ;)

But here are three of Emma before the ol' battery in my camera decided that it had enough photos. Never mind that i wasn't done yet...thankfully, the video camera captured what i didn't.

Emma got the hang of unwrapping presents pretty quickly. She loved the Little People Nativity Scene and the Inn Scene with the three Kings and all of the wonderful animals that are now scattered throughout the house. Robert found a donkey in the shower this morning....and i found baby Jesus perched on the lid of the toilet so i was able to save baby Jesus from drowning. The excitement of seeing the tree, all of the lights, the presents was even better than i had imagined it would be. Truly a magical day that i will never forget.

In all, it was a wonderful day...but i missed my sister and my Mom a great deal. I missed the three of us in the kitchen, talking, laughing and listening to Christmas music and singing together in our off key voices. I miss the Spanish cookies and meats, i miss my Mom's wedding cookies. I know how to make these things, but for some reason, well, they don't turn out the way that they did when she made them. With my Mom gone and now that i have a family, new traditions are now being added....Robert and i made the best lasagna with fantastic garlic bread for Christmas Dinner. I imagine that we will be adding some Guatemalan touches to our Christmas in years to come. This year i managed to order some really beautiful ornaments from MayanFamilies along with our new tradition of getting Emma a new ornament every year. Last year was the traditional "Baby's First Christmas" and this year? Elmo, of course!

Off to pick up Little People.... :))

Hangin' with Santa....

 

We braved the mall traffic today to take Emma to see Santa. She did very well....i felt sorry for the two mothers ahead of us whose children were not in the Christmas spirit and let everyone know it. I have to say that seeing Santa on Christmas Eve is the way to go as we were in and out of the mall within 45 minutes! This will be our tradition, i think...taking Emma to see Santa on Christmas Eve.

The photo on the left was taken on Christmas Eve last year....

My little one isn't so little anymore, is she?

For some reason, my scan didn't come out too clear, so click on the photo and you can view the photo a little better.

Merry Christmas, everyone...

A Christmas Photo

 

I am 'almost' on schedule....my Christmas cards have all been long gone, all presents except two are wrapped, i've taken care of the mailman (he's really the best mailman i've ever had), the babysitter, Robert's office sales folks and his account reps and our neighbors. All i have left is some baking to do....and it's for enjoyment more than anything. So, i'm feelin' pretty pleased. Of course, after i bake, i'll be making the rounds back to my neighbors to pass out my goodies as i have no willpower when there are Christmas treats around! :)

Seeing the magic of Christmas through Emma's eyes has been nothing short of amazing. She loves our tree with all of the colored lights and has only taken one candy cane off the tree. To our great surprise, she's also left alone the packages that are under the tree! Emma and i have done lots of visiting stores to see the "twees"...she gets so excited and points and shouts "TWWWEEEES". What a perfect, special Christmas it has been! Emma has shown Robert and i the magic of Christmas that i think as adults, well, we sometimes forget. We haven't visited Santa yet but plan on going on Wednesday morning. Last year's trip to see Santa went really well, so i am hoping for the same magic again.

A MOPS friend and i 'adopted' a family this year that she knew who was in need. It was really nice to be able to go to the store and get the things that she knew that they needed. A bunch PJs for the children, gloves and scarf for the mother, and of course, toys for the little ones. I was lucky enough to go with Marci to the family's house to meet them. Such a young family with two beautiful little children. I am hoping that the New Year brings only good things to this family....

My Dad will be spending Christmas in FL with my sister and her children. My sister and her husband are still in the mist of uncertainty of their marriage. I hope that they will get some clarity and be able to work through their many issues. I am sometimes happy that my Mom isn't here to see how things have worked out for them this year-she truly would have been very, very upset. But then, maybe she could have offered some help to get them through this difficult time. I miss my Mom so very much....

Off to try a new candy recipe.... :)

Guess who is 22 months old today?

 

Yep...my little Emma is 22 months old today! She had a big day out at her Mother's Day Out class today, too....they had their 'Christmas Party' and had presents and they ate Happy Meals. It was her first Happy Meal, too! I am told that she enjoyed her fries (what a surprise, eh?) and played with her hamburger and ate all of her fruit. Robert and i were given a present from Emma which is under our tree. It's killing me not to sneak a peek, but i promised Robert that i would wait~good luck to me on that promise!

At 22 months, Emma is 24.5 pounds and 31.5 inches high. She can open doors, go up and down all of our stairs with ease (crawling or on her bottom), play in the toilets, almost climb out of her crib and is able to talk in sentences like "Where's dada?" or "Where's mama?". It seems that every day, i notice something new that she has learned...we are working on colors and she can hand me her five blocks by color when i ask for them by color. She is hugely attached to "Cupcake" who is her pink stuffed elephant. She can also say "abuela" when she looks at my Mom's photo on the frig. I'm sure that like most parents, i have conversations with her that only i can understand, lol...Robert sometimes looks at me when i 'translate' for him. And she loves to play "Weee" with Robert. The game consists of his putting her on his shoulders and prancing through the house or swinging her in his arms. The giggles from both of them are truly cute and this game is played out every evening when he comes home from work. I don't know who looks forward to this game of their more...Robert or Emma.

Happy 22 months, dear Emma! We love you so very much....

Hangin' around...

 

....the Christmas tree, what a wonderful way to spend a Saturday.

You know, pulling ornaments off the tree, hiding them in the couch so someone will sit on them? Or maybe putting your own special ornaments (like a diaper, a Dora cup, and little people....)into the tree to create your own special touch?

Of course, all of that brings smiles, especially when it comes with a little toddler saying "MAMA!" :)

"I stinky"

 

A about 2 weeks ago, i was cleaning up, and Emma toddled over to me and tugged on my pant leg. Looking down at her, she looked up at me and uttered these words:

"I stinky"

I had to smile as this is what i ask her when she has a stinky diaper and the words "Are you stinky?" makes my husband roll his eyes towards the heavens. He would rather i use 'adult' language...other than something like "are you stinky" (something along the lines of "did you have a bowel movement?", i'm sure) but for me, well, it works. I know, i know, it's amazing how my adult language skills land in the toilet while communicating with my daughter. ;)

Imagine my surprise three weeks ago when i understood exactly what Emma meant--she WAS stinky!

The best part was this morning when Emma went into the bathroom to where Robert was brushing his teeth this morning and she announces to him "i stinky". I was making the bed and i hear her and i had to giggle because she kept telling him over and over (and over....) again "i stinky". My new rule was quickly born to "who ever she goes to with the i-stinky-speech gets the fun job of changing Stinky". Brilliant, eh? I'm quick like that sometimes....

And this pattern has continued....sometimes (and most of the time) she'll come up to me with these magic words. Of course, i can usually smell her from the next room (who am i kidding, i can smell her two rooms away), but how amazing is it that she gets it??

So, i'm dragging out our new potty seat and reading up on potty training. I thought that 21 months was a little early, but heck, what do i know? If she's ready, then, by golly, i'm ready, too....i think. It's nothing fancy, this new potty seat. It doesn't sing when you do anything on it, it doesn't clap and cheer nor does it dispense M&Ms. It's just one of those ones that you place on top of a regular toilet. I also found a cute stool for her to climb on so she is able to get to the toilet all by myself. See? I'm getting ready for the "i do it" stage!

I do know that Emma continues to grow and learn quickly....i know that this is how it works, but i just want this process to slow down a little bit. I want to remember all of this growing up in great detail so i can tell her what kind of wonderful child she was when she grows up. I know that this growing up is the way that it is suppose to happen and as a Mommy, my job is to help her be independent and learn to take care of herself along with so many other things. I am sometimes overwhelmed with all of the things Robert and i need to teach her: how to have a caring heart, how to respect other's, how to follow her dreams and dare to try new things, how to be a member of a community and a church, how to serve her fellow man, and how to love others. It's quite a list, isn't it?

It's quite a list, indeed.

"All i want...."

I refuse to give up....

 

...on getting the "perfect" photo of Emma for my (opps, i mean OUR) Christmas cards. I've tried.

Short of tying her cuteness to the Christmas tree, well, i'm just about give out.

This photo here is the best out of oh, say, what felt like a freakin' hundred shots. I spent most of the weekend, camera in hand, chasing my little ray of sunshine around. I am usually a good shot in that i can get at least five good shots...but destruct-toddler will not sit still. At all. None. All weekend long. Unless, of course, she was asleep....hey! That may be an idea! I'll sneak a Santa hat on her while she's sleeping....yeah, that's the ticket. NOT.

I actually woke up Robert on Sunday morning with "EMMA! NO! NO!!! DO NOT LICK THE LIGHTS ON THE CHRISTMAS TREE, PLEASE!"

And then i tried the worse thing you could possibly do with a 21 month old: i tried to reason with her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah....what can i say? I'm still a newbie at this gig.

Me: Emma, Mommy wants to get a pretty photo of you for our Christmas cards. Can you please sit still in front of the tree?

Emma: Elmmo? WEEEEEEE....kittttyy? meeeoooowwwww.....KITTTTYYYY!!!!!!!!!

(Emma is now pulling up her dress so i can see her belly.)

Me: Emma, sweetie. (okay, my voice was straining at this point....)

(Emma is now sticking her finger in her nose....)

Emma: dadadada....LEAAFFFFSS!!! woooffff, woooofffff (they are learning animal sounds in preschool, sigh....)

Me: Emma, let's sit in the Pooh chair!! (yes, i was using that fake-patience sounding voice...)

Emma: Soocccks go on feeetttt! Dooorrrrraaaa!!

(Emma has gotten off of the Pooh chair and has run away into the sunroom, lifting her dress up as she runs away...)

Me: EMMA MARIE JOHANNES! COME BACK HERE NOW TO MOMMY!!!!!!!!

Robert: heheheeee....

Me: That's fine, Pooka. (side note: i call Robert "Pooka" and he HATES it. hehee...) I'll just send out this photo of her sticking her finger in her nose to your side of the family.

Robert: I don't think that you're going to get a photo of her sitting still, sweetie.

Me: Oh, yes i will. You'll see.

Famous last words, i'm sure....

Fourth Folder, Fourth Photo....

Wow. This photo is in my fourth folder and is the fourth photo and was taken on our second day home with Emma. So tiny...and only 4 1/2 months old. I loved watching her with Robert...i still do. Whoever said that you can fall in love with your husband again while watching him with your child, is so very right. When Robert comes home in the evenings, she is so very excited and waits for him at the top of the stairs and shouts "dada"...too cute.

We've been so blessed with Emma. From the beginning, she has slept in her own crib and usually slept through the night. She's only had less than a handful of colds and almost no diaper rash--she's growing up so very fast. I love watching her "read" or bring a book over to me so she can "read" to me. She's able to point out some colors, can point to sheep, doggy, kitty (of course!), cow; so amazing to watch her put things together. The only thing that has me worried lately is that she has gotten in the habit of pulling her sheets off the mattress in her crib and balling them up, stacking her stuffed animals on top of the sheets...and then STANDING ON THEM like she is trying to make a break out of her crib! I suppose it's only a matter of time before she learns to climb out, eh?

I don't have anyone to tag, lo, because everyone i would tag, well, has already been tagged! But this was a fun tag....and gave me a chance to look through some of the many, many photos that i've taken of Emma.

A Blessed Thanksgiving

 

It was a good...actually a great, Thanksgiving Day for us. Operation "Fresh Thanksgiving" got off to a rocky start, however, when at 9 am i casually asked the cook of the day what he planned on cooking his fresh turkey on. Being sort-of-newlyweds, we haven't bought all of the flashy roasting pans. It seems that the cook assumed that i was buying a roasting pan and of course, i thought he was getting a roasting pan. So, off to Kroger i go, praying that they were open. I managed to purchase the very last roasting pan in Nashville, i'm sure. Oh, and i scored some really yummy ice cream. :) The rest of the day went on without a hitch; my pies turned out pretty, the stuffing was really good, my sweet potatoes were utterly fantastic, the rolls were to die for and the green beans? Simply heaven. And yes, sigh, everything was "fresh" except for the cranberry orange cranberry relish that i smuggled in. Emma enjoyed her meal as did my white carpet when she threw food on it....sigh.

The rest of the day we spent outside...it was a beautiful day and we raked leaves. I love our trees as we are surrounded by trees and it is beautiful. Beautiful, that is, until the leaves start to fall. Then? Not so beautiful, lol. Emma loves the leaves and being outside. Our neighbor's poor cat (KITTTTYYY!!!) and dog keep Emma entertained so we were able to get up a bunch of leaves, but i'm sure that there will be lots more to deal with as the leaves continue to fall.

I do think, however, that next year, we will do something different. As much as i enjoyed it just being the three of us, well, i miss having folks around to be thankful with. While we were out, we noticed that our neighbors were also home for Thanksgiving, as were the older couple down the way from us and the neighbors behind us. Next year, i am going to invite folks over and make an effort to find folks who don't have somewhere to go. I know what it's like to be alone for the holidays...it's much better to be among friends, sharing blessings and food. Blessings come in all sizes and shapes and personalities....

I've been 'tagged' by Denise (please go check out her blog; she is truly a gifted writer--"There's Always Room For One More" on my must read list) so i'll work on that tomorrow. I'm going to eat a piece of my pumpkin pie...with the yummy vanilla bean ice cream on top. :)

I like things simple....

 

...when it comes to cooking, planning and holidays. I don't like to spend the entire holiday in the kitchen, thinking that i am missing out on family time. So, i try to plan as much as i can in advance and to simplify every single task. Store bought Turkey from Publix? Check! Store bought Pumpkin Pie? Check! Store bought rolls? Check! Add my wonderful, classy plates and somethings that look homemade like my wonderful whipped toppings and pie decorations/toppings, and ta--dummmm! It looks yummy as is actually quite tasty and doesn't look store bought! I call it my "anti-Martha Thanksgiving" theme. :)

But this year?

sigh.

BIG SIGH....

"Someone" in our sweet home wants us to cook from scratch. And that "someone" isn't me, it's the sweet hubby.

No frozen turkey for him, by golly. He wants a "fresh" turkey. (little side note: i had no idea that you could go into a store and get a 'fresh' turkey as i had images of having to chase a real, well, fresh alive turkey (don't all turkeys come from the frozen section?!?!)....yeah, you're seeing that i'm not really on-top of these things and had to have dear hubby explain patiently, i might add, that a 'fresh turkey' means it's never been frozen. Oh, and of course, the cost will make you wish that you had just bought, say, hamburgers instead, but it is the holidays....) He also wants 'fresh' sides, 'fresh' veggies, 'fresh' rolls, 'fresh' pies...are you noticing a theme here?

And so, like any new wife (we've only been married for two years, lol, so i'm still a 'fresh' wife) i've agreed to this insanity under the condition that he handle my shopping list and he cook Mr. Fresh Turkey. Yeah, i thought for sure that he would change his 'fresh' theme and go with my 'almost fresh' theme, but nope, no dice. He's agreed. So, this 'fresh' wife will make the fresh veggies, the fresh pumpkin pie, the fresh rolls.

Geeze, i hate to admit this, but i'm actually looking forward to cooking with the hubby as he's really, so much fun to be around. He's funny and i love laughing with him and this will be a chance, i'm sure, to laugh. I'm not, however, looking forward to cleaning the toxic waste site of what was formally my kitchen after all of this 'fresh' cooking takes place, but, he's agreed to help. How bad can cleanup be, after all? No, wait, don't answer that....

....just send over some paper towels. :)

Leaves!

 

 

 

 

Yeah, i know, some of these photos are fuzzy. But so much fun to watch Emma in the leaves this evening....even if my photos were fuzzy. :)

Last year....

 

 

...these photos were taken on today's date. It simply takes my breath away how this little one has grown into a toddler so very quickly. I sometimes think that i've blinked, and she's grown. I feel so blessed to be able to be a stay-at-home Mommy; i've not missed a step of Emma growing up. I just can't believe how fast it happens...and how lucky i am to be her Mommy

Yes, much to be thankful for this year! We are staying home for Thanksgiving this year. It's just going to be the three of us so we've made big plans: a waffle breakfast (yummy!), watching Wall-E on Robert's new blue ray toy, watching the Tennessee Titans play football, naps for everyone, visiting with neighbors to bring them treats, and of course, a Thanksgiving meal. Emma slept through the last one so this will be her first Thanksgiving where she eats with us! We did play with the idea of going on a short vacation for Thanksgiving, but in the end, decided against it. Home, especially during the holidays, is sometimes the best place to be!

It is during the holidays when i feel the loss of my Mom even more. I miss my Mom. There really are no words to describe the ache in my heart as to how much i miss her. How i wish she was here to enjoy the holidays with Emma! She was a wonderful cook...and made holidays so much fun. I keep waiting for the ache in my heart to lessen from missing her, but it hasn't happened. I seem to miss her more as the days go by, not less.....My Mom loved to shop. She was a bargain shopper and loved to hunt for a deal. So, i'll carry on that tradition with some online shopping, lol. We all have to do our part to stimulate the economy, right? ;) And who knows what wonderful deals i'll find? I'm not much of a Black Friday shopper in the malls, but give me a cup of hot chocolate and set me in front of the computer? hehee, i'm a force to be reckoned with! Oh, yes, my Mom would be proud, lol...

Off to bed....

A "Perfect" Pumpkin Pie

 

Yesterday was a practice run for my pumpkin pie. I know, i know, my crust doesn't look like anything that you would see on the Food Network, and please ignore the fork pricks as i was trying to make sure it was completely cooked but i must say, it is a yummy pumpkin pie. How do i know this?

Because EVERYONE ATE SOME and it's ALL GONE!!! :)

Of course, they may have been trying to spare my feelings but guess who kept asking for "mo, mo, MO"?

Emma.

Which made this Mommy, well, puff her apron just a little bit more.

Last year, Emma slept right through our Thanksgiving dinner. But this year, well, let's just say i have the camera charging as we speak.

A Thaksgiving Craft

 

Years ago, i had a friend who's child made her a macaroni necklace. She wore this necklace to work one day; a little red faced that she had forgotten to take it off before coming into work. It seems that her little daughter asked her to wear this necklace and she had put it on before leaving for work. It was a long necklace, made from all different kinds of macaroni. We had meetings all day that day and i remember her taking off that macaroni necklace and tucking it away safely in her purse. After all, she couldn't go to our "important" meetings with a macaroni necklace, could she?

I still remember staring at that macaroni necklace. I fought the urge to touch it...after all, it was just a macaroni necklace and it wasn't mine. I was in a not-so-happy (okay, it was more than "not-so-happy") marriage and i had promised myself that no way would i bring a child into a marriage such as the one i had. I remember thinking "i want a child to make me a macaroni necklace" and shoving the thought away. The chance of a child, my child, making me a macaroni necklace was slim to none. And so, i did other things like bury myself into my work...

...but the dreams of a macaroni necklaces, well, never went away.

A divorce happened, and life started over for me. Six years after that divorce, i met Robert, and a year and a half later, we were blessed with Emma. To say that life is good being a Mommy is an understatement.

Emma is still too young to make a macaroni necklace for me. But look at what she brought home from her preschool class (not really preschool, but a Mother's Day Out class) today! Is it not the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?? Does she not have the cutest hand print ever??

Before i forget the rest of my friend's story here it is:

After the first meeting, we had a break and my friend and i went to grab some water at the front office. She excused herself to go to the restroom and i waited for her so we could go back in. When we got back to our meeting, she sat down first and as i looked at her from behind (she had very short hair), i noticed the macaroni necklace back around her neck. I smiled because i knew that if it was i who was given a macaroni necklace, i would be wearing it at our 'so' important meeting, too.

An update....

 

Forgive me if i haven't called you to tell you my good news....i tried to call one of you and babbled and cried with relief on the phone so i figured that emails and posting would be the way to go. No sense in my calling if you can't understand a word i'm saying, eh? ;)

None of my six 'mixed mass' thingy turned out to have cancer cells. To say that Robert and i are thrilled, relieved and very thankful is an understatement. I do have something called Hashimoto's Disease (leave it to me to have a disease that i can't spell of pronounce!)which is thought to be a hereditary thyroid problem. While reading the symptoms, it became clear that i fit this. It is manageable and i'll have to have scans done every four months. No medicines yet and i'm thankful for that but i have a feeling that will change. It was surprising to hear how common this disease is and troublesome, too. Why is it so common, i wanted to know? And of course, there isn't any answer to that. Taking care of myself is important and eating less processed foods/sugary foods seems to help so, i'll take that.

And of course, if there is such a thing as "luck", i feel that i had it with me yesterday. This was a huge, kick-in-the-pants wake up call that i needed. I am good about taking care of Robert's health and encouraging "him" to eat healthy and work out. Now it's time to do all that i encourage my husband to do...

....and thank you for checking on me, emailing me, calling me (even when i didn't answer or return calls) and cards. I'm blessed to have you guys! :))

btw, these past two photos on my post are from our trip to Maui last year. Amazing, eh?

Quiet Heart

My husband always jokes with me that i have "hamsters running around in my brain" because i often try to do, oh, a million and one things at a time. He's right, of course, but i would never admit to having hamsters running around up there! The past few days, oddly enough, i have been quiet. It's almost as if i am on the borderline of having a peaceful heart about all of this. I like to think that it's because of the prayers said on my behalf from friends. I still don't know how all of this will turn out but calls from friends have been so helpful. Don't ever underestimate how just a phone call can help someone's spirits! It helps to hear that someone you know has had this happen to them. It helps to hear that i am not the only one who has the imagination that leads the mind to places where it has no benefit of going. And it helps to know that your friends are praying for you.

Perhaps this is what it is all about: a forceful reminder of how blessed i truly am. In the rush of the day, trying to be who i think i should be, i sometimes loose track of just how blessed i am. Even if this lesson for me isn't about that, i have truly learned to say 'Thank you, Lord, for each wonderful day' and learning to have grace when well, things aren't as wonderful as i would like them to be. I also seem to forget that God does answer prayers....he just may not answer them as "i" think that he should. Turning things over to the Lord is a hard, hard task for this control-driven woman that i am....but i think that i am SLOWLY (and i mean ever so SLOWLY!) learning.

My results from Monday's biopsy are in. Of course, no, they won't tell you over the phone no matter how sweet and funny you are; believe me, i tried. My husband and Emma are coming with me to keep me company. Emma has been the best thing for me-it's hard to hide under the covers when "someone" pulls them off of you and yells "bbbooooo!"

And so, we shall see. But thank you so very, very much for your emails, notes, calls-they have meant more to me than you'll ever know.

The kindness of a friend....

 

I've never been one to have many "close" friends. I've always had many friends, but, for some reason, not many close ones. Which probably makes my close friends even well, more close. Through my MOPS group, i've been blessed to meet many women who i would have not otherwise have met. Face it, as a Mommy, your chance to meet other Moms when you are learning to be a Mom is sometimes limited to the park or the grocery store!

My sister suggested that i join MOPS when Emma came home to us. I thought that she was insane....i had friends already. Okay, never mind that none of them actually LIVED near me, but i did have lots of friends. I had lots of old college friends, lots of old work friends, lots of friends online. I didn't realize what my sister already knew-that Mommies needed other Mommies. As a first time Mom, i figured that i had read ALL of the books, so well, i thought that i so had things under control. After all, what could happen with this small child and me that i hadn't read about? (just a side note: no where in any book i've read has it dealt with what to do when your little bundle of love poops in the bath. It took my friend, Melissa, to tell me to keep a disposable cup near the bath "just in case".) It's been a huge blessing to make friends with other Mommies who know exactly how i feel....

I've not told many friends except for my online friends about the past two weeks with me. Maybe it's because i didn't want to utter the words "maybe cancer", or "biopsy" and "me" in the same sentence. It made it too real, too close. I was (and probably still am) in the "it's not really happening" stage of all of this. If i don't say it out loud, well, then, by golly, it's nof happening. Yesterday, however, i got a phone call from a friend who i met last year in MOPS. Since i've met Y, i've been in awe of her. How organized she is! How smart! How put together and stylish! I won't even go into her quiet calm and strong faith....we became kinda friends because we were at the same table and sat next to each other. Face it, she was all of the things that i wasn't: self assured about being a Mommy, put together so well, etc. (It's a long list!) Y is also a breast cancer survivor. She is also the same friend who asked me to lunch one day and spoke to me about my Mom and issues of faith. And she barely knew me at the time....

I won't share that part of her with you as that is her story. But yesterday, she called me to ask me about something that i was putting in our MOPS Newsletter and i mentioned that i wouldn't be at our meeting tomorrow. She asked me why, and it was like the flood gates opened...and i told her. She quietly listened to me ramble on about what was going on, how Emma was, how Robert was, the difficulty of finding a baby sitter and said "Isabel, i would be honored if you would let me watch Emma for you tomorrow. I think that your husband should be with you to support you."

Instantly, i said "No, it's fine, i have all of this planned out. I hate to bother you, i know that you must have plans." And Y said back "Let me help you, let me watch your Emma."

I was stunned at the simple, heartfelt kindness of Y. She knew that i was scared and that i needed help and that i wouldn't ask for it. I'm not sure what it is about Mommies...we want to do it all, be it all, and all with any one's help. I am the poster child for this. I don't want anyone to think that i can't handle it all and do it with a smile. After all, isn't that proof that you are a good Mommy? That you can do it all, be it all, and do it without complaining and having a smile on your face? But the truth be told, i was terrified of going tomorrow alone to the hospital without Robert. Oh, i know he can't stay with me the entire time, but at least he would be there, waiting for me. But Emma is more important to take care of and i truly felt better knowing that he was at home with her and not rolling her around in her stroller at a hospital. Emma is the most precious thing in my life and i am not one to trust anyone with her. But i would trust her to Y in a heartbeat.

And so, Y is watching my Emma tomorrow. And for some reason, i know that she knows how much this act of kindness means to me....and how grateful i am that she will be with my daughter, watching over her since i can't. I've learned a lesson here from Y about Motherhood and friendships: It's okay to accept help and you are truly blessed when you have someone in your life who offers.

I am truly blessed for having Y as a friend.

What?

 

You know, i use to roll my eyes when i was younger and folks talked about medical issues....lets just say, i'm not rolling my eyes anymore.

Late Wednesday, after my long ranting post, i received a call from my doctor's nurse. I spoke too soon about in my pity post about feeling like no one cared. This nurse did care and she cared a great deal. And talked to me well over 30 minutes. She was so good, i want her to be my new best friend. We talked about what happened, why, and most importantly, whan she had done to fix everything for me. And so, we rescheduled the biopsy for Friday, which was yesterday.

Being the high strung, loopy, loopy nut job that i can work myself up into being, i was given one Xanex (i think that's spelt correctly) to take before we left for the biopsy. I remember thinking, "Geeze, this one little blue pill is going to do something? Yeah, sure, they should have given me at least 4 of them!" Let's just say that i so understand why folks take Xanax. It takes you to a nice, warm, happy place that lets you forget (and not care....lol) you are wearing the ugliest hospital clothes and that your backside maybe peeking out.

The folks at the registration part of the hospital were wonderful. Even when they asked me for my Mom's maiden name and i cried as i explained that she had passed away and couldn't i give them another 'code' word? They let me keep Robert with me as long as they could, which i was thankful for. The sonogram was really different than the first one....it took a LOT longer and seemed to be more deliberate. After the sonogram, the sweet tech let me lay there, where i promptly fell asleep until i woke up, much, much later and she told me the news that i would now be having a CT Scan. I had no idea what that was, but, in my happy, goofy state, i would have agreed to anything, even with that ugly hospital gown on. Off we went...rolling down the hall with me wondering why all hospitals are so white. Surely some light lavender paint would be more soothing...

The CT Scan was, well, odd. They did it with a dye....and of course, it's put into your system with a needle. Over quickly and painlessly. Then, the nurse rolled me back to the first room i was in and said with a huge smile "You're all done!"

I looked at her as if she was speaking German and explained, no, i wasn't "all done", that i was there to have a biopsy. She told me that she would go check with whoever it was you check with for these things....and came back with the same chipper answer. By this time, Robert was able to come back. I explained to the chipper, happy nurse that i wanted her to check again and to please call my doctor, as i had NO plans on coming back for this biopsy and to please make sure as i had arranged for someone to watch my daughter and did not want to do this again. She toddles off and comes back with the same chipper answer and smile so i'm thinking "What do i know?" and i get out of the ugly, yucky gown and back into my favorite jeans.

We leave!

Guess who calls my home almost two and a half hours later to tell me that they made a mistake and need to reschedule me for a biopsy on Monday? Yep, Chipper Nurse. She felt horrible, i could tell, and kept apologizing over and over again....apparently, the doctor who does the biopsy was looking for me and thought that they had "lost" me in a room and she had to tell him that she told me it was okay for me to leave. I would have hated to be this nurse who told me to go home! But i was still in happy Xanax land so i didn't say any of the things that i normally would have. But the fact remains, Robert will again take off from work, and Emma? Well, our plan is for Robert to drop me off on Monday and to stay at home with Emma. Robert isn't happy about this plan, but i think that it's a good plan. The amazing (and i mean, Christine was AMAZING) babysitter we managed to find for Emma is in school, our regular babysitter is working, our neighbors are out of town or working and to be honest, i would feel better knowing that Emma is taken care of at home with Robert. Besides, i'll have my friend, Xanex to take care of my high strung, sweet self... :)

The worse part to all of this has been my having a better understand of how my Mom must have felt, waiting for someone to tell her something, her maybe not understanding what they were doing to her (sometimes, her English wasn't too good and i know she didn't understand certain things) and how she just wanted to have them tell her, "You're fine! We made a mistake! You can go home to your family!" My Mom didn't speak of these things....but how scared she must have been when she was laying there, waiting for them to do whatever procedure they were going to do, praying that she would be okay. You can have all of the supportive folks in your life with you at the hospital, but when they roll you away, it's just you and all of your fears. I imagine how my Mom just wanted to be better for her family because she knew we needed her. Oddly, i could 'feel' her with me yesterday and it was comforting. How i wish that i still had this woman in my life! No matter how old you get, you are never too old to need your Mother. Her death and sickness has changed me in so many ways, so many ways. It's probably one of the reasons that i take nothing for granted and i do my best to enjoy every single moment with Emma. I saw through my Mom's illness how fast life can change and be taken away through an illness and i want to savor every single moment of being a Mommy and a wife.

Since everyone in my home is sleeping, well, i suppose i should too. But only after i go upstairs and check on my Emma....

Yikes!

 

Good news....and bad news. Don't they always seem to come together?

First good news (at least for me): my little biopsy for Friday was cancelled.

Bad news? Wrong hospital, wrong day, wrong procedure scheduled. Yeah, you read that right.

If anything, all of this gives me greater sympathy for those folks who truly feel rotten when they call a doctor's office and are put on hold, transfered, asked to call this number instead, cut off, put on hold again and then, of course, transfered to someone eles who you must leave a message for who will call you back (and don't). All i really wanted to do was to speak to SOMEONE, anyone. I just wanted to hear a voice that said "Let me help you figure this out" or "I'll be sure someone will call you back so we can figure this out". I didn't get that from the hospital number nor doctor's office. I know that they are busy and probaly ovewhemlmed by the calls that they get. I could hear the stress in the woman's voice who i finally got a chance to speak to. But at the moment that i was calling, i didn't care that they were busy nor that they were stressed. I just wanted to know that someone, anyone cared about me, would listen to me and try, at least, to help me.

So, what have i done? heheee....

I just called and scheduled a regular appointment with the doctor so i could have his undivided attention. Sneaky, aren't i?

And after 5 days of letting my imagination run wild (and i mean WILD....), i've decided to knock it off. If it is serious, fine, then i'll deal with it. If it's nothing, then i'll happily deal with that. But the only thing that my wonderful imagination has done has kept me awake at night. And that's not beneficial to anyone in my home. A Mommy without sleep, well, can be an ugly, ugly thing. ;)

My "regular" appointment that i made is for next Wednesday. I can wait that long. I have lots to do. Thanksgiving stuff to plan, Christmas photos to take, Christmas cards to plan so i'll keep busy. Oh, and i have a little girl that thinks it's great fun to hide in the house and just when i am ready to call the police with a missing child report, will jump out and scream "BBBBBOOOOOOO". But she makes me smile and laugh and that is a very good thing....

That's a very, very good thing to have.

It's not been a good day...

On a scale of 1-5, well, i'd say i'm at a high three.

It's very late and this Mommy should be tucked into bed, sleeping soundly. But, sleep isn't coming too easy tonight. It's so quiet in our home right now, just me pattering on the keyboard. No giggles from Emma, no playing chase as she's sleeping soundly. Robert is snoring that gentle "i'm so happy i'm sleeping snore". I've checked on them both and it's no secret that i love to watch Emma sleep. So sweet...

Back to my yucky day...

A few months ago, my diligent husband talked me into going to a "LifeScan Screening" where they do all kinds of different scans to check your arteries, etc. I didn't want to go, but he wouldn't leave me alone, lol, so i went. Sometimes it's easier to just do what your husbands asks than to figure out a reason why you don't want to. I simply ran out of excuses why i didn't want/couldn't/hated the idea of going to this thing. He is quite the healthy one and makes me look horrible as he is religious in getting his checkups. I, however, need to be dragged, kicking and screaming like a five year old to any appointment. Of course, i'm great about being on time with Emma and reminding Robert of HIS appointments. Gotta keep those we love healthy~

When we got our results back from this scan thingy, i was thrilled as my numbers looks so wonderful on the first 4 pages of my report. In fact, they were better than dear hubby's numbers! Then, on page 5, well, not so good. There was a spot on my thyroid that was what they called a "mixed mass" (what a term!) and i needed to make an appointment with my doctor immediately. They even sent the sonogram photos. I had no idea what i was looking at, but, being such a know-it-all, i did Internet research. You know, so i could diagnose myself because i am so smart. (note the sarcasm here.) It's a bad idea to do Internet research when you are as clueless as i am. So, i made the doctor appointment. My doctor (who listened patiently as i described in great detail all that i had read online and didn't laugh in my face) referred me to another doctor at Mid-State ENT immediately. (His name is Dr. Robert Willis).

My appointment was today. I thought it would be a 'meet and greet' kinda thing, but no such luck. He is concerned, very concerned and i am now scheduled to have a sonogram/biopsy on November 14. It's an out-patient procedure which i'm happy about. My mother passed away almost a year and a half ago from cancer of unknown origin, so i think that is what has made Dr. Willis be concerned. I have no symptoms, i feel great, my blood pressure was excellent and i've even lost weight........but even still, he has made this appointment for me. My "let's wait and see" speech fell on deaf ears. In fact, i think that he may have heard my speech before. But he was nice and discussed all that it could be and all that it may not be.

And now, i can't really remember much of that conversation with him. I remember thinking "i have a 20 month old, i don't have time for this" and then realizing what my mother must have felt sitting in the doctor's offices so many times-sheer terror.
It's easy for your mind to go places that it has no benefit of going. My mind has been there and back many times today as i watched Emma "read" or sit on my lap.

I'm nervous. I'm scared. And of course, i want to pretend that this isn't happening.

I have a 20 month old who is learning to crawl out of her crib and a husband who i can tell is just as nervous and scared as i am. I've only seen him cry twice since i've known him: our wedding day (those better have been tears of joy, lol), when my Mom passed away, and this morning. I'm trying not to let my imagination run away with me and stay off line so i don't do Internet research.......neither of these are productive. WebMD is your friend...but only when you are doing research for someone eles. But i will say that all of the info i read from WebMD was right on target....

I think a trip to the store for chocolate may be on my agenda tomorrow.

And so now, i wait till my appointment which is next Friday. I am trying to find someone to keep Emma as i don't know if our regular babysitter is able to watch her during the day. I've kept quiet today about all of this, not really wanting to say any of these words out loud. I did tell my friend Melissa and she said the words that i needed to hear:

I'll pray for you, Issy.

Off to check on Emma and find my way to bed.

What happens when it's too quiet?

 

 

 

 

This is what happens when a Mommy goes to the bathroom.

Honest, i was only gone for a few moments.

And yes, those are tools that Emma has. She also sprinkled around the stuff for the fire place that was in a child proof jar. The jar that i can't open to save my life. She's never shown any interest in those drawers, so as a first time Mommy, i figured that the tool drawer was safe. It's what i call a "Man Drawer"...meaning that it's my sweet hubby's job to clean it out.

A rookie Mommy mistake.

I should have cleaned out that dang drawer.

But, i managed to get this on video too! You know, to use it to make my hubby clean out 'his' drawer. :))

WOO-HOO! THE TITANS WON!

 

 

 

 

Such an exciting game! It went into overtime...i'm sure that Robert had a really fun time at the game! Emma and i cheered from home...she can cheer "Yaaa" when i cheer "Gooo Titans"!

To celebrate, Emma ate leaves.

I had a Coke Zero. :))

Yep, we are into celebrating here!

GO TITANS!