Ahhh, Thursday's Thoughts

So happy that it's Wednesday! It's not that we have a lot planned, it's just a different pace and i relax a little. I think that i take my "job" as a Mommy a bit too serious some days (okay, most days!)....Robert is the "fun" one, i'm afraid. He's the "let's-go-down-the-slide" Daddy and i'm the "that's not a little girl slide" kinda Mommy. No one ever mentioned to me before becoming a Mommy that there were so many "dangers" that i needed to "protect" my daughter from. Can you tell which one of us in our little family has some serious relaxing to do? Yup, that would be me. So, i'm trying to relax a bit more in my "Mommyness".

I try not to be high strung, really, i do. I try not to look out for danger and let Emma learn things on her own, like falling down is okay, you just get back up. I try to treat that as an "oh-oh, you fell down, you're okay" moment instead of swooping down and holding her. I don't want to be "stalker-Mommy", ready to swoop down in a moments notice to keep the world safe. (and, yes, i use to make fun of Mommies who act like i do now, wondering why in the world they wouldn't just relax?? What WAS wrong with THEM?? Yesh, it's so easy to be a Mommy when you aren't one!) If i do this, if i act like this, i worry that Emma will never learn to be a self assured little girl. It does seem to me that whether i want to admit it or not, this little girl is growing up right before my eyes and is beginning to form her own little personality. She's fearless. No steps are too much, no noise seems to startle her, she loves water and being splashed, she loves bouncing on her bouncy chair and the higher the better, being on Daddy's shoulders brings on little girls squeals and giggles as he bounces (sigh, YES, he bounces....he looks like freakin' Tigger). Meanwhile, Mommy is in the corner, hyperventilating because she thinks that the little one is in 'danger' of falling.

As a child, i remember being scared of everything. The dark, loud noise, loud voices, thunder...this list could go on and on. I wanted to feel safe. For some reason, i didn't. I always wanted to be held and cuddled. I wanted to be near my Mom....i wasn't a happy camper when she would leave the room. Maybe some children are like this, you know, it's just who they are. Maybe it's part of their personality. Maybe that's the way that God made them. So i figured that maybe, all children would be like this to a certain extent.....

Nope. Not happenin' here. Emma is independent. She's not a cuddler unless i have a bottle in my hand. She'll let you pick her up and cuddle her for a few seconds, but then she's off looking for the next adventure. She's not needy. Heck, she's an easy child when i compare her to other folks children. I guess being a Mommy is about figuring out the kind of child you have and doing the best you can to meet their needs. And it's not about smothering and chasing away all dangers. Oh, some dangers are unacceptable, but the ones like running too fast and falling? Really, i need to get a grip. I can't let my personality effect the natural Emma personality that is now starting to form. I don't want her to be scared of her shadow, i don't want her to be fearful of life, i don't want her to be scared of falling down, i don't want her to be scared of the dark.

My hope for Emma is as it is for me: to be fearless and to love herself. To take chances and to love life as she is. To not be afraid of life because after all, you do get what you put out there in life.

It truly all starts with me, doesn't it?