Oh, Happy One Year to Us!

Today has been an emotional day for me. To celebrate our "One Year Home With Emma", i went through photos that i had taken of our trip, of our homecoming, of our first day as a family in our home. It was a magical time for us and continues to be. I now understand how it feels to be a mother. Folks can explain it to you, you can read about it, but until you are a mother, well, you just truly don't 'get' it. You don't understand how it feels to love a child THAT much, how it feels to walk around with your heart exposed, to know that you are responsible for this little one's every needs. (And of course, you don't understand the words "responsible for the little one's EVERY need!) I felt like i had finally been allowed admittance to the oldest club in the world-The Mommy Club. My life, of course, has forever changed.

I remember our first night at home. My sister traveled with us to Guatemala so we were lucky to have her with us at home for a week, too. I watched as she changed Emma's diaper with ease, burped her like a pro, bathed her like it was the most natural thing. Of course, my sister has three children, so these things would be like second nature! And then i watched me-using almost a box of wipes to clean up one poopy diaper, forget to burp and was rewarded with projectile vomiting, and panic at the thought of bathing this little child. I also watched me go into Emma's room late in the early morning hours to watch her sleep. So angelic, so beautiful. I prayed that her birth mother would be given comfort during this time, for her to know that 'our' daughter was safe, so loved and so beautiful. I prayed that she knew that because of her, i was now what i secretly always wanted to be: A Mother.

It was also the time for me that the realization of the importance of being healthy really hit home. It wasn't just about me anymore, it wasn't just about Robert~it was about all of us. You can't take care of others until you take care of yourself. One of my favorite quotes is one a friend gave me in a letter congratulating me on becoming a Mommy. She told me that the best advice she could give me as far as my health was concerned came from Flight Attendants: Put your own oxygen mask on first before you attempt to help others. And so...my journey to "Healthy Mommy" continues.....

As Emma has grown this past year, Robert and i have learned so much. How blessed we are that i'm able to be a stay-at-home Mommy. How if you get poop on you, you won't pass out. How you can survive on little sleep. How you come to love each other in a different way. How you know that you are so blessed....and all because of a little child.

And too, as i see Emma's personality emerge, i see her birth mother's features. I see her strong cheek bones, her delicate nose, her dark charcoal eyes, the perfect curve of her face. But i now see me in Emma, too...she is blessed to look like her birth mother, but she has my laugh and giggle and can scrunch her nose up like it do.
I pray that Emma will be the best of all of us....