A Laundry List

A Laundry List
I often marvel at the things I have to teach my kids. The overwhelming majority of our conversations involve repeated instructions about things that seem, to me at least, to be common sense: “Flush the toilet,” “Wash your hands … with soap,” “Put your dirty clothes in the hamper not on the floor,” “Clear your dirty dishes,” “Don’t interrupt me when I am on the phone,” etc. Either I am the world’s worst teacher or they are the world’s worst listeners or humans develop common sense very late in the game (and, judging by a few people I’ve met, some never do). I can only hope that, at some point, these lessons that punctuate the lives of my young children eventually sink in.

I often wonder if I will not have the opportunity to pass along many of life’s more important lessons to my children. In some ways, there’s a certain advantage to never having the chance to impart one’s wisdom along to somewhat less than appreciative recipients. While I may never have conversations peppered with admonitions, I will also not have to hear replies such as, “Mom, you already told me that” or simply the exasperated, “Mom!” with the accompanying eye-rolling. When my father imposes his advice, my canned response is “Dad, I’m not looking for an opinion,” which he generally accepts with surprising graciousness. Then again, he’s just that kind of person. My mother in contrast, dispenses with advice altogether, preferring threatening, cajoling, and guilting as her modes of behavior modification. She is an Italian Catholic, after all.

For my children, a laundry list of “Dos and Don'ts” may have to suffice, nicely preventing me from ever being called a nag (by my children at least).

To my dear children:
In the event that I am not available to dispense advice on an as needed basis throughout your life, I am taking this opportunity to share my thoughts on some of life’s lessons both grand and small. I hope that somewhere in here you find something useful. It is not an exhaustive list (the computer has only so much memory), but it should at least give you a foundation until you channel your own inner Buddha.

Love
1. If I had to share one great truth about relationships it is this: Be yourself. You simply cannot sustain a relationship in which you are trying to be someone or something that you are not. The sheer energy required by such a charade renders it implausible for the long haul. If you find that you are putting on an act for someone, it’s time to get off the stage.
2. Perhaps my biggest fear is that I will not be there to pick up the pieces when you first experience heartbreak. I wish that I could tell you how to survive the loss of a love without suffering, but I don’t think it is possible. Heartbreak is as much a part of growing up as potty training and losing baby teeth. I can tell you that heartbreak does not last forever and that eventually you will fall in love again. This is really all you need to know. When you are in the thick of it and you don’t know how to keep breathing, just keep reminding yourself: “I will not always feel this badly and I will fall in love again.” Keep getting up every morning, go to work or school, continue to have a social life, and it will get better.
3. Love is not butterflies though I highly recommend that experience. Love is enduring just as the vows state, “in good times and in bad,” “in sickness and in health, “for richer or for poorer.” I never dreamed that my husband would nurse me through 6 surgeries and 6 months of chemotherapy before our 7-year wedding anniversary. But he is still here, just as he promised. Don’t cling to the mistaken notion that it will always be easy or you will be sadly disappointed.
4. Hearts are fragile. Be gentle with your own as well as others. Don’t trust your heart to someone who is undeserving of it. By the same token, do not mistreat someone who has entrusted his/her heart to you.
5. People will fall in love with you and you may not return the feeling. Do not feel obligated to do so, but do treat them with dignity. You will fall in love with people who will not return the feeling. Accept their feelings and move on. You cannot make someone love you.
6. Marriage is not a lifetime commitment; it is a daily commitment. You wake up every day and say to yourself, “Today I am going to stay married.” There are days when this commitment will be easy and others when it will be hard. But the daily commitment turns into a lifetime.
7. Kiss your spouse good-bye when you part. Say “I love you” before you go to sleep. Not to be morbid, but no one knows when it could be the last time and you don’t want to regret missing that one last chance.
8. When your spouse loves your children more than they love you, don’t take it personally. You children will eventually become annoying teenagers and you will once again be numero uno (unless of course you have a dog/cat/ferret).
9. Two words: personal hygiene. No matter how much someone loves you, they are going to have certain personal hygiene standards. Let’s face it: we all wake up in the morning less than ready to face the world at large hence the terms “morning breath” and “bed head.” Invest in a new toothbrush frequently and use floss. In severe cases (you know who you are), use mouthwash too. Men, while you are at the drugstore getting some floss, invest in some grooming scissors and keep those nose hairs in check. And for god’s sake, trim the ear hair before it threatens to overtake the entire outer ear. Ladies, if your spouse really does not dig underarm hair and you have no strong attachment to it, shave it off regularly.

Sex (If my Roman Catholic mother reads this she’ll be mortified but here goes …)
1. Sex is a tricky issue. How you handle your intimate relationships depends on your own moral code. While I was raised to think sex should only occur in the context of marriage, that idea made little sense in a society where people postponed marriage until later in life. During my twenties, I had intimate relationships both with men I loved as well as men that I did not love. While the physical aspects of sex were satisfying in both kinds of relationships, I much preferred being in mutually loving and respectful relationships. I felt like I could be myself in relationships where I knew I was loved and cherished. I’m sure that many people would disagree, but I think sex is better with someone that you love.
2. Teenagers are too young to have sex. They simply lack the emotional maturity and presence of mind to appreciate the experience responsibly. I realize that this is an old-fashioned point of view; I don’t care.
3. Sex is not Love and Love is not Sex. The sooner a person gets this straight the better. For romantic teenage girls these truisms may help to explain why it doesn’t work well to try and get someone to love you by sleeping with him. If he didn’t love you before the sex, the sex is unlike to change that fact.
4. Don’t use sex to control people. This covers a lot of behaviors, including
a. Dating someone you don’t care about just to have sex
b. Having sex with someone because you want them to like you or you want to keep them with you
c. Having sex with someone as a conquest
d. Having sex to get pregnant without your partner’s consent
e. Forcing sex
5. Men need to shave before being physically intimate. There is nothing worse than making love to man whose face is abrading your skin.
6. Never underestimate the value of a shower before, after or in lieu of …

Friendship
1. Never leave a loving or kind word unspoken.
2. Friends make you feel good about yourself. For some reason it takes women years to figure this out and some never do.
3. Don’t invest in friendships with people with whom you do not feel comfortable. You should be able to be yourself with your friends.
4. People cannot give you what they do not have – time, sympathy, understanding, etc. – don’t take it personally and don’t waste energy getting angry about it.
5. One of the most essential phrases in the English language is “I am sorry.” You will make mistakes and hurt people. Be willing to accept responsibility for your transgressions.
6. Some friendships are meant to last forever while others are only meant to last for a time. Both types of friendship are valuable and it is ok to let go when the time comes.
7. First impressions are not always on target. I have often developed strong friendships with persons with whom I did not initially “click.” Remain open to people; you never know when that seemingly ho-hum person will turn out to be exactly the person you need in your corner.

Fear
1. There are two types of fear: the fear that protects you and the fear that paralyzes you. I wish I could advise you on how to know the difference. I just know that for me they feel different in my gut, and it’s up to my head to listen accordingly.
2. If you aren’t a little afraid at least some of the time then you aren’t living life to the fullest. To live fully you need to take chances, which requires being scared.

Illness
1. You know your own body better than anyone else. Trust your instincts.
2. No matter how sick you are, in all likelihood there is another person worse off than you are. On days that I want to feel sorry for myself, I think back to my year on an oncology floor. In that one year, I saw so many people suffer and I try to remember them and realize that what I am experiencing is not so bad.
3. Coal becomes a diamond only under pressure. Illness is an opportunity for spiritual growth, a shitty opportunity at times but an opportunity nonetheless. Try and garner what you can from it. And even if you never recover physically, your spirit can survive even as your body is decimated.

Education
1. Read. If you can read you can learn to do almost anything. Through books, you can visit places that you have never been or times that have long since passed. You can experience another culture and escape the everyday. And as C.S. Lewis once observed, you can also find that you are not alone.
2. Do not be afraid of failing. The only failure is in not trying. You don’t have to be the smartest or the best; you just have to want to learn.
3. Do not pursue a degree in a well paying field that you do not enjoy. You spend much of your waking life at work. You should do something that you love even if it means living in a smaller house and driving an economy car.
4. Learning does not stop when you receive your diploma.
5. Everyone has something to teach you whether they are an illiterate old man or a young child or a winner of the Nobel Prize.
6. Don’t judge people by their accents. When I went to college some of the smartest people I met had thick New York and Boston accents (not the Harvard kind). When I moved to the South I had to remind myself that a southern accent did not imply ignorance.

Religion/Spirituality
1. You only need three prayers: “Please help me,” “Forgive me,” and “Thank you.”
2. I believe the most humans crave the existence of the divine. Perhaps it makes us feel better to think that there is a universal benevolent force. Personally, I think we are all praying to the same God no matter what we call him/her or our prophets. Arguing theology is a waste of time; no one is every going to prove the relative or absolute veracity of their beliefs.
3. Whether you chose to join/remain a member of an organized religion is up to you. I am culturally Roman Catholic to the core. But I remained a churchgoer because in the Church I found some measure of solace, a sense of community, and a basis for my own moral code. I also found many of the teachings maddening but, fortunately for me, Roman Catholicism works cafeteria-style.
4. Life isn’t perfect and it isn’t fair. God did not “do” anything to you as a punishment or a reward. Bad things happen; good things happen. It’s unbearable to accept this as true but I honestly believe that it is. God may not be able to take away what pains you – physically or emotionally – but he/she can be with you as a spirit or a fellow human being in your hour of need.
5. God resides within you: act accordingly.

Officially Pulled Up!

Officially Pulled Up!

A very big day for all of us again! This morning when your Daddy and i went to wake you up, you had pulled up on the side of your crib!! You did this once for me....but it was on the low rail. This mornings trick was with the crib rail all of the way up! Your Daddy was so excited, Emma. I'm so glad that we went in to get you together! Even Maddie was in your room! This photo is my favorite photo of you and your Daddy.

We are leaving Friday for Georgia....lots of packing to do even though we are only staying for 3 days. While i'm excited you are going to get to meet Tia and Tio....well, i'm sad about going to visit my Mother's grave. I miss her so very much, Emma. She so would have loved you! I can just imagine her calling you her 'Spanish little girl'. It's going to be so very hard not having her.....i miss her even more now than ever. I am thinking about leaving your photo on her stone....i haven't decided yet, though. I truly wish that she would have been here to hold you, little one. You would have loved her.

Your sleeping in your bouncy chair again.....i'm going to let you sleep a little bit longer then i think you and i are headed to the mall for a girl's shopping trip!

Love you to the moon and back.....

Mommy

First MOPS Meeting!

First MOPS Meeting!

Today we went to our first MOPS/MOPPETTS meeting! We didn't make it last month; i got cold feet at the last minute about putting you in the daycare area. It went very well, though, and except for some tears from me when i left you with the daycare worker (who seemed to be a very nice Grandmother type with white hair) i had a very nice time. I am glad that we went.....

You were sleeping when i came to get you after the meeting. We had 'craft' time at the meeting and i made a frame for your room. Very cute if i may say so myself! Although i will never be Martha Stewart, i am pleased with myself at how your room came out, too....the frame will go in your room, too.

You are tuckered out and napping right now so i am catching up on this journal and some laundry. Your Daddy is on his first buisness trip since you've come home to us; he's in NY right now. He'll be home very, very late tonight.....and of course, i know that he misses you very much.

Here is a photo of you that i love....

Mamamamamambababababa

Mamamamamambababababa


Yesterday was a fun day for us! We got out and did some shopping at Target; you are such a great shopping buddy, Emma. No matter what i put in the buggie, you smile at me. I love playing with your toes and it seems that you've discovered your toes, too. I have to stop you while your in the car seat from trying to put them in your mouth, lol, but i guess when you are starting to teeth, even toes taste good!

Also yesterday, you have figured out how to say "mamamama" and "babababa". I, of course, had to keep saying them to you like a first time too excited Mommy and you did it again! Two days ago while i was feeding you green beans (which i don't think you enjoy very much, btw) you said "baba". I thought maybe it was just a fluke, because you didn't say it again. I guess i should tell you that every time i feed you your bottle, i hold it up and say "baba"! You are starting to smile at me when i do that; maybe it's because Mommy looks funny at how excited she is over "baba"?

I also love to chat with you. You stare at me like you are truly interested in what i am saying. Of course, you maybe trying to figure out a way to get me to be quiet, too. :) I bought a baby sign book and we are going to give that a try. It has words like 'hungry', 'hurt', 'sorry', 'sleep'.....your Aunt Claudine suggested it, so we are going to give it a try. It helps babies to communicate since they are quite able to speak yet.

Next week is going to be a big week for us, too. We are leaving next Friday for Warner Robins so you can meet Mommy's Aunt Miguela and Tio Jose Louis from Spain. I am sure in a way it will be a sad trip for me as i'm going to visit my Mom's grave for the first time since her funeral in January. I plan on putting a photo of you on her headstone. Emma, she would have loved you so very much! I can just hear her calling you "my Spanish little girl". It makes me so very sad that she isn't here to share you; i miss her so very much. But Tia and Tio are going to be so excited to meet you!!!! I can't wait till you get to meet them! Your Aunt Claudine will be there, too. I'm not sure if she's bringing the rest of the family or not, but i am so very excited about seeing your Aunt again!

Well, it's 8am and i have to start Mommy chores before you wake up and are ready for the day.

Love you to the moon and back.....

Mommy

Guess who is seven months old today?

Guess who is seven months old today?


Today you turned 7 months old! Time has flown by so fast since you've come home to us....it seems just like yesterday we were in Guatemala getting to meet you. I am trying to make sure that i enjoy every single moment with you because i now understand how fast you will grow up. I need to enjoy all the night time and morning cuddles; i need to enjoy all of the morning smiles that you give me when you see me first thing in the morning. Life now is so perfect that i sometimes want to freeze the moment....never could i have imagined loving you this much, Emma.

I often think of your birth mother and pray that she knows in her heart how much your Daddy and i love you and how thankful we are to her. Because of her, because of her unselfishness, we became a family. There are no words to describe how thankful i am to her. I am sure that she thinks of you often, Emma. I hope that she has peace in her heart knowing that we love you and do our best to take care of you.

You are starting to teeth, too! You do the cutest sucking sounds....and i know that it is a matter of time before you have some baby teeth. I can't imagine how uncomfortable it will be for you....but i'm ready with baby oragel and baby asprin. I have lots of chewy things in the frig for you to gum on but you seem to like to chew on my fingers best of all!

Well, my daughter, it's late and i need to get some sleep so i'll be ready to play and laugh with you again in the morning.

Sleep well, little one....

Love you to the moon and back....

Mommy

Oh, yes! I'm crawling!!

Oh, yes, I'm crawling!!


Well, you've offically done it! You are now crawling! We just came home from dinner at Chef's and you ate Squash for the first time tonight. You seemed to enjoy it and ate the entire jar! After that, it was floor time....and after you did the tee-pee a few times, you crawled. Of course, your Daddy got it on video and i was there with the camera! It was so amazing watching you finally figure out what to do with your legs and hands. You've got just a bit more practicing to do before you really, really take off!

Off to kiss you goodnight.....

Love you to the moon and back....

Mommy

A sad day....

A sad day....


Good Morning, little one.....you're still asleep and i'm not surprised. A tough night last night after Daddy fed you. You had a 'getting sick' moment all over me. I don't know who was more scared, you or me. You were shaking and i was, too...as soon as i finish this, i'll be going to check on you to cuddle.

Today is a sad day as it's 9/11. Six years ago, terrorist struck the towers in NY City. Many, many people died that day. Watching FOX News this morning was very sad for me; they showed the events in a timeline sequence. It doesn't matter how many times i see the towers fall, Emma, the sight makes me catch my breath, brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart hurt. All of this death in the name of someone's God. I worry about the future world and how it will be when you are grown up. I also think about all of the children who were left without parents. That day was a truly, truly horrible and sad day for the world. Somehow just a moment of silence in reverance to those that died just doesn't seem to be enough.

Maybe the lesson that can be learned for the world is to be a little kinder to others, to watch out for your fellow man and to make a difference. I think that making a difference is sometimes a put off to some; i think that just making any difference for good in someone's life is a good thing. What one person may think is a small gesture of kindness may be so much bigger to the person reiceiveing it. If your Daddy and i do anything, we hope to bring you up as a kind and considerate woman with a beautiful heart.

It's now 9:03am in NY and there is a moment of silence. Thru my tears i pray that we will never see this kind of tradegy happen again anywhere. It's our duty as people of the world to learn to live together and respect the difference's of other's. Killing in the name of someone's God or in the name of jihad is well, simply something that should never, ever happen. I hope that you will do your part as a member of this world do promote peace, Emma.

I love you very much....

Mommy

Almost!!!

Almost!


You are so, so very close to crawling! This morning while you were in your crib while i cleaned up, i put your favorite books in the crib with you. I put them far away enough that you would have to work to reach them....and after a few tries, you did! Your little legs and arms are still trying how to figure out how to work together to get you moving, but, sweetie, you are so very close! You are very determined and when you tumble over, you immediately roll back over and are back on all fours ready for another try. That's a good life skill to learn, little one, to get back up and start again....

Today is Saturday, so Daddy is at home to see how close you are to crawling. He also has a new toy: a camcorder! Needless to say, you have been the star of the video camera today and we've got you on there trying to crawl and smiling. It's amazing how fast you are learning things, Emma. Your Daddy said that you are like a little sponge and he's right. The two of you are on the afgan playing together....it's so funny to watch the both of you make funny noises together! You are blowing raspberries and grining while you do it. You also have a cute habit of passing gas and then smiling at me; not very lady like, but very, very cute!

The bouncy chair is still your favorite place to be. You are getting stronger in your legs; i can see by the way you bounce. Bouncing is a good thing for you and i can see the joy on your face when you do it. I love to sit in front of you and bounce up and down because it makes you laugh and then you bounce even faster! I've gotten quite a few photos of you in the chair....and you are such a breath-taking beautiful, beautiful baby, Emma. You are now back in your chair and you are watching the TV. I'm not sure why you are so facinated with what's on as it's a college football game between the Geogia Bulldogs and some other team. (i call them "some other team" because i am a GA fan!)

Off to play with you....

Love you, sweetie....

Mommy

Lunch Time!

Lunch time!


Lunch time with you has become exciting! Today we tried sweet potatoes and i wish that i had a camera on hand to get a photo of your funny face! You love apples, peaches and pears....all of the fruits like your Mommy. You are not, however, a huge fan of peas, green beans or carrots....just like your Mommy! But of course, i'm to try and feed you these things so i will...i just think it's funny that you aren't a fan of these foods, either!

You've also taken to blowing your food at me which you think is funny! I've taken to wearing old shirts while feeding you just in case you decide that spraying Mommy with food is the thing to do. :) Maddie is always near by just in the great chance that you spray food on the floor; kind of like our cleaner-upper girl! Lunch time and dinner time are fun times for us!

Bath time is also fun; you are getting the hang of splashing and you love to suck on the toy that is attached to the tub. It's funny to see your face when i pour water on your head! I pour water on you from a cup and you try to catch it in your hands....this game goes on and on. I'm amazed how well you move your fingers and hands You don't have any baby teeth yet but i imagine that's not too far from starting!

Off to check on you....

Love you to the moon and back...

Mommy