Fun Times....

...ummm, not so much for me.

This is what happens when you leave a toddler alone to visit the bathroom for just a few minutes.

Oh, yes, fun times, indeed.

Upon her coming to get me to show me what she had done, she holds my hand as we walk up the stairs to her room. As she sits down in the middle of her 'fun zone', she looks up at me and says:

"Dis is BAD! DIS IS A NO-NO!"

It was truly hard not to laugh....

Valentine Pink Lemonade Cupcakes....

hmmm...i think that i'll try these.

You know, for Valentine's Day.

Or maybe sooner... :)

PINK LEMONADE CUPCAKES

* 1 pkg white cake mix without pudding in the mix
* 3 egg whites
* 1 cup water
* 1/3 cup thawed frozen pink lemonade concentrate; thawed
* 2 TBSP oil
* pink food coloring (optional)

Frosting

* 4 cups icing sugar
* 1/3 cup butter, softened
* 1/4 cup pink lemonade concentrate

1. Beat cake mix, water, egg whites, 1/3 cup lemon concentrate, oil and food coloring. Medium speed for 2 minutes. Spoon batter into lined muffin cups.

2. Bake 18-22 mins. Cool completely before frosting.

3. Beat icing sugar, butter and 1/4 cup lemonade concentrate, until well blended. (Add more concentrate to thin frosting if necessary.) Add pink coloring to desired color.

Hanging on...

....by a thread with this toddler of mine. I have looked forward to every stage with Emma, but this almost three-year old stage, may make me into a hard drinking woman (which is kinda ironic, because i haven't drank a mixed drink since Christmas of 2008 when my sister was here and she drove me to drink).

Yesterday was one of those days when you want to leave your Mommy name-badge at the front door and hide under a rock. It was that bad. In fact, it was more that 'bad'. It was closer to 'terrible' or 'hellish'.

In fact, i think that hell for a Mommy is probably run by a two-year old devil...but that's another story.

Yesterday was a school day. Emma is thrilled and happy. She sings all of the way to school like i do, because, hey, i'm happy she's going to school, too. When i pick her up, her teacher, Ms. Amanda, says to me "Emma didn't take a nap today...but she had a wonderful day!" (Just a quick note: Emma doesn't hit in school. Apparently, that is saved just for me!)

My heart sinks...no nap?

oy...i'm in trouble. I know she will be cranky. I know that she will be less-than fun.

Nap time is a struggle here. So, we've moved to "quiet time" if you want to call jumping on your crib like a trampoline quiet time so it will be just like her school days. Emma chooses not to nap at school, either, instead choosing to take off her socks and shoes and play with her "cwute toes"--->she really does say that in school. No nap makes for a very, very, VERY grumpy toddler by 5pm. So, bedtime has moved up and we start our bedtime ritual at 5:30pm after dinner.

Emma is already rubbing her eyes by the time she and i finish dinner.

We put pjs on, go potty, we read together, play with her little animals, say our prayers....

...and the throwing of little animals, screaming, and the hitting begins.

Hitting has been a problem before, but had stopped with the early bed time. I know that it's because she's tired. I know that. But i wish i could stop it. She knows that hitting is wrong. Emma tells me all of the time that hitting is wrong and hurts. She tells me all of the time that she should not hit.

Usually, i am able to get Emma into bed without being a target before the throwing, screaming and hitting starts. Last night? I wasn't so lucky. I was hit twice. Hard. In the face.

Robert was in the room with us. I gently put Emma in the crib, which i could barely see from my tears. I turned, and started to walk out of the room, just in time to hear Robert tell her in his stern Father-like voice that "she does not hit Mommy", and "No, she cannot have a bagel". I didn't hear anything else as i went to my bedroom, climbed into bed, covered myself up with all of my favorite blankets and cried big, hockin' snotty tears, feeling like i would never, ever figure out this Mommy thing. I finally fell asleep...

I know it was just a bad day and that every single mother has them. But it was just a really bad day for both of us. Every mother wants to be a good mother and to be able to be the type of mother that her child needs. Last night, i felt that i would never be that mother...that i really had no clue and had no idea what i was doing.

This morning, all seems well. Emma is happily coloring as i type this, last night seems all forgotten for her. We are on a even more strict routine now; perhaps that will help. If not, just for today, i have a mini-bag of M&Ms stashed for me to make me feel a little better....

Run...

 

...isn't exactly the fun word for the year 2010 that i thought it would be. In fact, the word of the year is no where near the word "fun". I think that "insane" or "huge mistake" would be he words that best describe my pick of the word of the upcoming year.

It's been raining lately, so i've secretly been on the treadmill. It's easier to run on the treadmill, but it's not like being outside. The fresh air makes being outside worth the effort; until i see one of my rail-thin mommy neighbors out and running. These women don't look like me running at all. Their hair is in a stylish pony-tail, their running "outfit" matches perfectly and they have that woman perspire thing going on. Meanwhile, i'm sweating like a man, my hair is flopping everywhere and i'm not matchy-matchy at all in my 'outfit'.

It's a sight, i tell you....i'm a sight.

I thought that sneaking out of my house when it was pitch dark early in the morning was a brilliant idea. The trouble is, the sun is coming up by the time i make it towards my house....and that's when the neighborhood beauties mommy runners come out. I guess i need to just suck it up not let it bother me and continue on.

In all fairness, the women in my neighborhood are nice. They wave and smile...while i smile, wave and puff along on my way, sweating like a man as i run. After i get home from walking fast running, i do feel better. But not THAT much better. I'm waiting for that 'runner's high' i keep hearing so much about. It hasn't happened yet. The only time i feel like i have a runner's high is after i run to the frig for my daily one Diet Coke and guzzle it down.

Ahh, i'm just a big ol' heap of a work in progress, aren't i?

Photo 1 of 100

I'm still working on a 'theme' for my 100 photos in 2010. I am leaning towards Still-Life Nature but i'm also considering doing a whole black and white theme since i don't do a lot of black and white images.

This beauty is a Paperwhite flower. A dear friend gave me a gift of 4 Paperwhite bulbs and Emma and i have been tending to these bulbs since a bit after Christmas. I only wish i could have captured how excited she was to see the flowers this morning!

One photo done...

...and 99 left.

Heartbreaking Photos....

I love photos. A photo can inspire you, give you hope, bring you to tears, and make you question God. While the written word is very powerful, photos have always 'spoken' to me in a different kind of way. I always 'see' more through a photo and notice the surroundings and features. I study photos, of often going back to see them time and time again to 'see' them in a different light...and getting lost in them.

I take photos mainly of my daughter, to capture moments that i want her to see herself in. I have no doubt that many of the images i take of her will never fade from my mind. But it is important for me to give her the gift of seeing herself through my eyes; i want her to see her learning things, enjoying life as a child, seeing things for the first time, seeing how her beauty isn't just skin deep. I sometimes take photos of other things, food that i've made, flowers, trees...but i secretly wonder what it would be like to take photographs of news events. I secretly want to be "that" photographer...i don't only want to be a "Mommy" photographer.

The earthquake in Haiti has touched everyone. It will be added to the things my life that have touched me the most. From the Jim Jones tragedy from long ago, to the breath taking Olympic photos that happen every four years, to the photos of 9/11, to the tsunami in 2004, to this earthquake in Haiti, the photos that photographers have taken of these news events have burned themselves into my memory. These photographers have the ability to make you 'feel' though their photos. Whether a winning smile, a hug between competitors or a photo of a little child, covered in dirt in Haiti who has lost her parents, i feel those images. I wonder, too, what it would be like to look through the lens of a camera during times like that. I know that when i take photos of Emma, i'm not "in" the moment; i'm more concentrating on getting "the best" shot that i can get. Is it that way for a photographer covering a news event?

The Haiti earthquake photos are probably the most graphic photos that i have ever seen. I have looked though the photos at the Times site over and over again...amazed at the quality, amazed at the suffering, amazed at the death that i see in them. I see strength in many of those photos of the Haitian people; and in many i see desperation. I see the heartbreaking photos of the children and the elderly and pray that someone, someone will help them. The photographer at the Times who took the photos in Haiti warn about the graphic images....but that warning, no matter how large it's written, can really prepare you for seeing those photos. The photographers of this piece, Shaul Schwarz and Timothy Fadek, TIME's photographers in Port-au-Prince did a stunning job capturing these photos. One photo is of a mass group of individuals who have died. One arm is seen as if it is reaching up towards the heavens, towards God.

These photos are like none that i've ever seen. And while stunning and heartbreaking, this is one time that i wished i hadn't looked, that i hadn't studied them, that i didn't pray over them till my tears wouldn't stop. The photos are that mesmerizing...

...and will haunt me for a life time.

Love this....

This is my new necklace.

I love, love, LOVE this necklace.

I found it on Etsy...the creator of the necklace is a wonderful woman named Danielle.

This is how Danielle describes my beautiful necklace:

"The idea for this rosary came from a book I read about Mother Teresa. In her missions there was always a crucifix with the words "I Thirst" underneath. This simple and beautiful phrase can be translated so many ways. For me- My thirst for that unmerited favor my higher power grants me everyday."

Here is the quote from Mother Tereasa:

"Jesus is God, therefore His love,
His Thirst, is infinite.
He the creator of the universe,
asked for the love of His creatures.
He thirst for our love…
These words:
‘I Thirst’ –
Do they echo in our souls?”

~Mother Teresa

Isn't that a beautiful quote?

It's hard for me not to order anything else from her...i love her stuff that much.

Did i mention that i LOVE her stuff?

AND...i just read on her Etsy site that she will do lay-a-way! sigh...not a good thing for me as i love another one of her beautiful creations. Click HERE if you'd like to visit her!

One Hundred Photos

I stumbled across a blog today with an amazing idea from Toni:

"One hundred Photos was created as a personal challenge to myself. A focus that would hopefully hone my skills and spark inspiration, but also teach me to dig deeper when I feel uninspired. To look harder when I don't see anything around me. In the end I will have a collection of 100 pictures that I can look back on to see how I've grown as a photographer--not just with my camera, but with my eyes and heart too."

Toni picks a 'focus' of her photos (her pick was "Still-Life") and will photograph 100 photos and log the photos on her blog.

I'm going to join her! I'm not good enough to be on her list, but i'll do my 100 photos here, quietly. :)

If you'd like to check out her blog, One Hundred Photos, go HERE and join her on this fun idea!

Update on "the" word....

 

 

....of the year for me.

Which is "Run".

I would have liked to pick the word "Chocolate" but oh, well.

Let's just say that the word and i are slowly getting to know each other. And i do mean S-L-O-W-L-Y.

But it's been interesting (yeah, "interesting" is the only other word other than "suck" i could think of to describe it) to get to know this word on a more intimate basis.

Everything hurts as i get to know my 'word of the year'. Surely it won't hurt forever. I am thinking about picking a goal other than not having a heart attack while running like maybe running the Turkey Trot next year.

We'll see.

Emma loves to run....she truly loves to run. I am hoping that her joy will rub off on me. Hearing her say "Rwun, Mama, Rwuuun" as i chase her has been fun. Okay, maybe not 'fun', but close to it....

More to come later...

Snow Day Photos....

Snow Day....

 

 

 

...ha!

Although today, there IS more snow on the ground, yesterday could hardly be called a 'Snow Day'.

It was, however, a wonderful day for staying in our pjs, baking cookies, reading and watching the flurries fall.

Emma watched the snow and kept saying "It cold" so we just stayed in, content to watch the snow fall.

A good day....

Decorating Gingerbread Man...

This is the 'crafty' activity that Emma and Robert worked on yesterday. Yeah, i know, i'm way freakin' behind a little late with the whole decorating Gingerbread Men thing, but at least i managed to work it in before Valentine's Day.

Emma enjoyed eating the Gingerbread Man much more than actually decorating him. I guess when you're two and a half, decorating cookies with your fingers is just another way to get icing to your mouth. I think that next year, though, i may try to have a cookie decorating party....nah, i'll try that the year after that.

I am working on taking the tree upstairs in the family room down. There aren't too many decorations on it, thankfully, but i have to drag the stupid thing get the undecorated tree downstairs and into it's storage spot. That should be way fun, don't you think? Hopefully, all of the Christmas stuff will come down faster than it went up. I am going to miss the decorations, though...and Emma will, too.

On towards the New Year!

A New Year....

I came across a blog today where the blogger picks one word to describe what she wants the New Year to be for her. I did a lot of thinking last night after i read that post; so many comments were left of what other's had chosen their word for the New Year to be.

You can find Ali's post HERE

Her blog is amazing, btw....

For the life of me, i couldn't come up with a word. Really. Not one word came to mind. I loved many of the other words other's had left in the comment section, but they weren't MY word. They didn't fit.

And so i went to bed and had a dream about running a marathon.

Yeah, you read that right.

There were many other runners who were running with me, but i didn't know any of them. What i do know is that they were MUCH better runners than me and eventually, they all passed me by, speaking words of encouragement. Instead of stopping, i continued to run, slowly, but running nevertheless. For some reason, this marathon was to be over with at noon and i soon realized that there was simply NO way i would make that deadline. I didn't stop, however, i kept running, one foot in front of the other, i kept running. Finally, at 12:10, i crossed the finish line and to my great surprise, there were cheers. Cheers because i didn't stop, because i didn't give up, because i finished and because i kept running.

I woke up this morning with this word on the tip of my tongue...and it kept nagging at me. No matter how much i tried to shush it away, it kept coming back. Over and over again, the same word.

My word for next year?

Run.

I don't know why. The word just 'feels' right.

sigh....why the word couldn't be "chocolate" or "cake" is beyond me.

And so, i guess, i will run. Or maybe walk very fast for a while. I'll be a 'secret runner'...you know, one of those women who run before the sun comes up or after the sun goes down. Kinda like a vampire? Good thing that vampires are fashionable again, eh?

I'll be sure to let you know how it goes....as it will be good for entertainment purposes if nothing else. :)