Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Sorting photos....
I am behind in my printing of photos for Emma's photo albums. I told myself that i wouldn't get behind, but of course, i am. So, i have catch up work to do....i did finally find some cute photo albums that were "kid friendly" as i want her to be able to look through the photo albums without my worrying about messing up the photos or the album. These are 'her' photos and i want her to be able to see how she's grown~they will also be hers to keep and take with her when she's ready to move on her own. I want her to have a record of the happy baby and toddler she is and the little girl and beautiful young woman she'll grow to be. I was worried about what kind of photo album to put them in, though. Most of the ones i found were beautiful but they were grown-up photo albums. Like the beautiful Italian leather photo albums i found for $130 a piece. Thankfully, i found some cute photo albums that are really kid-like at my favorite store (Target, of course!) and bought 5 of them. That should keep me busy....but i'm REALLY far behind. I had no idea that i took so many photos and that i would want to print so many of them. Most are done in a 'series' at different months but there are those photos that are random. Poor Emma is going to hate having her photo taken by the time she's five, lol...
Emma's last day at Mother's Day Out for Summer is tomorrow. I'm going to bring breakfast for the teachers-they really are a wonderful bunch of women. I especially like Ms. Cindy who is Emma's teacher-it's so cute to see Emma smile shyly at her when she sees her! I'm thankful that i felt so comfortable so quickly with the teachers...it made Mother's Day Out a huge success for me, too. She'll be going back in the fall to the same program; i think that program and just getting to play with other children has been a huge blessing. Of course, just her playing without my hovering over her was probably the very best thing for her!
Back to printing photos...
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 12:28 PM 0 thoughtful comments
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Disappointed...

For many reasons, we have been house hunting. And anyone who has been house hunting can sympathize with me as my husband and i, well, we house 'hunt' differently. In fact, it is so different, that i finally had to step away from the 'hunt' and let him 'hunt' alone. I thought house hunting should be something fun-looking at neighborhoods, figuring out schools, trying to see if a potential house 'fit' us. For my husband, it was a different story. Lets just say it wasn't about 'fun'! I guess i should have realized that our hunting styles were different as we shop the same way!
We also looked at different towns closer to where Robert works. I wasn't a fan of moving to most of these towns but i understood why it made sense. The drive for Robert to work every day is a long one....too long. Especially in Nashville traffic!
Our home is in such a great spot in so many ways-we have a wonderful park across the street from our subdivision, the stores are close. And it is a wonderful house...
To make a long story short, we (okay, my husband...lol) found a house. It surprised me....we went to see it Friday. It was a beautiful home, had a salt water pool, was in the right school district for Emma....and we both loved it. It was being sold by an older couple who is downsizing due to the husband's sickness. Contract was written and we were to wait till the 5 pm deadline today....and finally, our real estate agent called. The woman last night had a change of heart and called her daughter (who also the couple's real estate agent) in tears because she doesn't want to move. I feel so badly for her...moving and dealing with her husband's illness can't be easy. In fact, i so understand her not wanting to move. This couple made an offer on another house, so i'm not sure what will happen. I guess we will just sit tight and wait...either way, i'm sad for this couple. I can't imagine how this woman's heart must feel right now....
And i'm sad that our search for a new home has to start over. We've put off joining a church that we both love to see if we will be staying in this area and we've put off a few other things....perhaps it's better if we don't put off these type of things and just carry on while we look. Either way, we'll end up in the home we are suppose to end up in...it just may take a little while longer. There really isn't any rush...i really love the house we are in, but it's just not in the right area and our neighborhood is changing. Our Home Owner's Association has not kept on top of things and it seems that this is a trend for them.
Still, tonight, i can't stop thinking of this older couple. To deal with your spouses terminal illness must be the hardest thing. And of course, it makes you realize once again to cherish those around you-especially your husband. Even when he doesn't pick up his socks, lol...
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 4:46 PM 0 thoughtful comments
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Antigua
I was looking through photos that i had taken while we were in Guatemala last year...these are some of my favorites that i took in Antigua. I wish that we had been able to spend more time there....such a beautiful, beautiful area, so rich in history.
One day, we'll go back and show Emma....
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 3:17 PM 1 thoughtful comments
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Missing My Mom....

I often wonder why i am so insistent on recording every part of our lives with Emma. I have a private blog with letters and photos to her; Robert has a private blog for her (which is full of funny stories about me learning to be a Mommy, btw...) and i take so many photos of Emma that i sometimes feel like the baby-stalker. Poor Emma isn't safe from the camera anywhere....not even the bath tub! I do enjoy the taking of the photos and the blogs, but it has finally dawned on me why i want such a record of our lives.
Should something happen to me, there will be a 'record' if you will of how much i love this child and how happy we are as a family. She'll know that she loves to play peek-a-boo with me, that water is something fun to splash in, that she loves strawberries, that she hates green beans, that balloons bring uncontrollable shrieks of laughter from her, how she cuddles with me before bed, how she loves for her Daddy to 'get the baby belly', how a ride on his shoulders is great fun and most of all, how our daily lives are. That way, if something should happen to me, for the most part, she'll have all of the answers she may have wanted to ask me or know.
I have so many questions for my Mom. I was blessed to have her for 41 years-but becoming a Mommy makes me want to ask so many more questions. Like, what did she do when i wouldn't go to sleep? How did she handle getting a child (me) off the bottle? Did she take me to the park? Did i like the park? What did she like most about being a Mom? What did she like least? What do you do when a child poops in the bathtub? (other than think "What's that? OMG, IT'S POOP!!!") So many questions that i'll never be able to ask, so many questions that i wish i was able to ask. We just ran out of time....
I think that when you loose a mother, you really do change forever. A part of me is missing...but a part of my Mom is with me. But that doesn't take away the loneliness of missing her, of not being able to call her and hear her voice, to see her play with my daughter, to ask her if i'm doing things a Mommy does right. I miss her so much some days that my heart aches and tears still flow freely. Instead of missing her less as time goes by, i find myself missing her so much more. Instead of the ache in my heart healing, it feels as if it will never heal.
I have a photo of her hanging on the refrigerator and little Emma will point to it and say 'abuela'. I also have a framed photo of her in my room and little Emma will stand below it and point to the photo. I'll pick her up so she can get a better look and she takes her little finger and points to my Mom....in all of the photos. And i tell her "Yes, that's abuela...oh, how she would have loved you!"
I know that my Mom "sees" us...but i wish for so much more. I wish for more holidays with her, for more visits, for more phone calls from her singing ¡Feliz Navidad! to me, for just more time with her. It's a constant reminder how not to take time with family for granted~you never really know how much time you really have. I try to say the 'i-love-yous' and give all the hugs i can because in the end, that's what you truly remember the most.
In the end, the connections that you make with your family are what you remember the most....
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 12:39 PM 0 thoughtful comments
Monday, July 21, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Update on Adoption Agency Banned in Russia
~Russia calls for full probe into death of adopted baby in U.S.~
16:53 | 15/ 07/ 2008
MOSCOW, July 15 (RIA Novosti) - Russia hopes U.S. authorities will conduct a thorough investigation into the circumstances surrounding last week's death of a baby adopted from a Russian orphanage, the Foreign Ministry said on Tuesday.
The 21-month-old infant died in the town of Herndon in the U.S. state of Virginia last Tuesday after being left by his 49-year-old foster father for about five hours in the back of a car, in searing heat.
The ministry said in a statement: "We hope that American law enforcement authorities and the court will exhaustively look into all the causes and circumstances surrounding this tragedy and take a just decision. We also hope that the relevant U.S. social services will draw the necessary conclusions from this."
The father, Miles Harrison, the managing director of a real estate consulting firm in the town of Herndon, is to be formally charged with manslaughter after he is discharged from hospital where he was admitted with shock. Harrison could face ten years in prison if convicted.
The child, born with the name Dmitry Yakolev and renamed Chase Harrison, had been living in a children's home in northwest Russia's Pskov Region until three months ago.
After the incident, Russian authorities banned European Adoption Consultants Inc., the agency responsible for placing the child with the Harrisons, for failing to immediately report the death. Two other agencies also had their Russian licenses revoked.
The Russian Foreign Ministry said: "We have repeatedly called on the American side to sign a special bilateral adoption agreement. Such an international legal document would allow us more effectively to control the fate of Russian children taken out of the country by foster parents. We will ensure that this issue is included in the agenda of Russian-American dialogue."
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 3:28 PM 0 thoughtful comments
Guess who is 17 months old?

Dearest Emma,
You are now seventeen months old! How did we get here so very fast? Days seem to fly by for us~your joyous personality is emerging as is your taste for adventure. You have grown up so very much since i first held you in my arms, little one. You are able to walk, run, chatter, laugh and play. Our house is a joyous house with all of your giggles!
One of our every day "activities" is for me to chase you or for you to chase me around the house. We chase until one of us gives up and of course, it's usually me who gives out first! You can run so very fast, tottling along, giggling as you go. Peek-a-boo is also a huge, fun game for us. I am in awe at how fearless you are-water doesn't scare you, the ocean didn't faze you, the swimming pool is like your own bath tub, the slides and swings at the park are just some of the things you love to do. You've learned to climb up the stairs here at home with amazing ease-and you can climb the steps at the slide at the park. I hold my breath while i watch you, your beautiful little determined face concentrating on the task at hand.
You also love to throw all of your stuffed animals out of your crib! It's interesting that you've figured out that you can throw Duck-Duck, Mr. Moo, Froggy, Pricilla and Boo-Boo out....but you now have stopped throwing out your favorite-Mr. Cupcake. Here is a photo of you and Mr. Cupcake at the condo at the beach:
Yes, this is after an afternoon of playing chase! You and Mr. Cupcake needed a nap!
Happy Seventeen Month Old Day, Sweetie!!
Love you to the Moon and back....
Mommy
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 12:54 PM 0 thoughtful comments
From the Moscow Times
The Moscow Times » Issue 3944
Two Adoption Agencies Barred After Boy's Death
15 July 2008
By Svetlana Osadchuk
Two U.S. adoption agencies have been barred from operating in Russia, but authorities denied Monday that the decision was linked to the recent death of an adopted baby in the United States.
The Education and Science Ministry said it had withdrawn the accreditation of the two agencies -- the Cradle of Hope Adoption Center and Family and Children's Agency -- after inspections found that they had violated the law.
The ministry supplied a list of the purported violations, which primarily focused on failures to keep the ministry informed about the well-being of adopted children.
"For the first three years, they should inform the Russian education ministry about the situation regularly," ministry spokesman Andrei Nedrov said.
He said the ministry was considering toughening the conditions for agencies seeking to reapply for licenses after being barred.
Officials at the two U.S. agencies declined comment. The agencies were among 33 licensed to operate in Russia.
State-run RIA-Novosti and other media outlets have linked the ban to the death of Dmitry Yakolev, a 21-month-old boy who died last Tuesday after his adoptive father left him in a hot car in Virginia. But Vladimir Kabanov, head of the education ministry's adoption department, denied any connection. "They were banned because of numerous violations uncovered during the checks. This has nothing to do with Dima Yakovlev's death," Kabanov said.
Yakolev's father, Miles Harrison, 49, managing director of a real estate consulting firm in Herndon, Virginia, left the boy in the back seat of his sport utility vehicle for much of the day as he worked in his office, The Washington Post reported. The temperature in the vehicle rose to about 55 degrees Celsius before a passerby saw the dead child late in the afternoon and alerted the office receptionist.
Harrison, who with his wife adopted the boy three months ago, has been charged with manslaughter and faces up to 10 years in prison if convicted.
He adopted the boy through the European Adoption Consultants, not one of the banned agencies, Kabanov said. His ministry is now carrying out a check of the European Adoption Consultants, he said.
The agency's executive director, Margaret Cole, declined to comment on the case Monday.
The death could raise fears about a clampdown on international adoptions. Russia tightened controls over adoptions a few years ago after several children died at the hands of U.S. parents.
Boris Altshuler, head of The Right of the Child group, said 14 Russian children have been killed by their adoptive parents in the United States over the past 15 years, compared with 12 in Russia.
Adoption agencies must be held accountable for their work, said Moscow ombudsman Alexei Golovan. "If they fail to meet their responsibilities, they should be barred from operating in Russia," he said, adding that he would like to see more Russian parents adopt children.
About 3,500 children were adopted by Americans in 2006, or 71 percent of all boys and girls adopted abroad, according to the latest government figures. That same year, more than 5,000 were adopted by Russians, and 68,000 were placed in foster families.
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 7:55 AM 0 thoughtful comments
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Oh, Happy One Year to Us!
Today has been an emotional day for me. To celebrate our "One Year Home With Emma", i went through photos that i had taken of our trip, of our homecoming, of our first day as a family in our home. It was a magical time for us and continues to be. I now understand how it feels to be a mother. Folks can explain it to you, you can read about it, but until you are a mother, well, you just truly don't 'get' it. You don't understand how it feels to love a child THAT much, how it feels to walk around with your heart exposed, to know that you are responsible for this little one's every needs. (And of course, you don't understand the words "responsible for the little one's EVERY need!) I felt like i had finally been allowed admittance to the oldest club in the world-The Mommy Club. My life, of course, has forever changed.
I remember our first night at home. My sister traveled with us to Guatemala so we were lucky to have her with us at home for a week, too. I watched as she changed Emma's diaper with ease, burped her like a pro, bathed her like it was the most natural thing. Of course, my sister has three children, so these things would be like second nature! And then i watched me-using almost a box of wipes to clean up one poopy diaper, forget to burp and was rewarded with projectile vomiting, and panic at the thought of bathing this little child. I also watched me go into Emma's room late in the early morning hours to watch her sleep. So angelic, so beautiful. I prayed that her birth mother would be given comfort during this time, for her to know that 'our' daughter was safe, so loved and so beautiful. I prayed that she knew that because of her, i was now what i secretly always wanted to be: A Mother.
It was also the time for me that the realization of the importance of being healthy really hit home. It wasn't just about me anymore, it wasn't just about Robert~it was about all of us. You can't take care of others until you take care of yourself. One of my favorite quotes is one a friend gave me in a letter congratulating me on becoming a Mommy. She told me that the best advice she could give me as far as my health was concerned came from Flight Attendants: Put your own oxygen mask on first before you attempt to help others. And so...my journey to "Healthy Mommy" continues.....
As Emma has grown this past year, Robert and i have learned so much. How blessed we are that i'm able to be a stay-at-home Mommy. How if you get poop on you, you won't pass out. How you can survive on little sleep. How you come to love each other in a different way. How you know that you are so blessed....and all because of a little child.
And too, as i see Emma's personality emerge, i see her birth mother's features. I see her strong cheek bones, her delicate nose, her dark charcoal eyes, the perfect curve of her face. But i now see me in Emma, too...she is blessed to look like her birth mother, but she has my laugh and giggle and can scrunch her nose up like it do.
I pray that Emma will be the best of all of us....
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 10:15 AM 2 thoughtful comments
Friday, July 11, 2008
Holy Moly, we are TEETHING! :(


Wow...we've been through teething, but NOTHING like this. My normally independent daughter wants to be held...and not put down. She is napping right now, thankfully, so i can get the feeling back into my arms! Emma's running a fever, has thrown up (on me, her, Mr. Cupcake and anything else near us!) a few times...my poor little one is truly miserable.
Hopefully, this won't last more than a few days? Right? Right?!?! :)
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 11:06 AM 0 thoughtful comments
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Today, one year ago....
...you, dear Emma, were put in our arms for the first time and our family came alive. No words can possibly tell you how much joy and love you've given us this past year. We are so blessed, little one...so very blessed. I was the first one to get to hold you, btw, just in case you are wondering! I remember the facilitator gently placing you in my arms and your studying my face as i studied yours. Your little hand grasped my finger and held on tightly...
As i sang "Happy One Year Anniversary" this morning when you woke up, you giggled and laughed and touched my nose. You almost seem to know that today is special for us. These photos were taken on our first day together...
Happy Family Day, dear Emma!
ps As you grow older, you'll understand why i am in charge of the camera! Our first 'official' family photo that your aunt took shows the back of my head. :(
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 9:45 AM 1 thoughtful comments
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
More sadness...
My sister and her husband are in trouble. They have had a difficult year~my Mom passed away a year ago, their once very successful custom home building business fell apart, they had to sell their home and move in with his relatives (where they have lived for the past 9 months), and their relationship has suffered greatly. It saddens me to watch this happen...my sister and her husband have always seemed like the 'perfect' couple~you know the type? Beautiful home, beautiful children, attended church, had beautiful family get-together and the children were enrolled in a prestigious private school. But it somehow always seemed, well, almost like a facade? But as the black sheep of the family early on, really, i just figured that i didn't know what a healthy relationship looked like. My sister and i haven't been very close-it's only been recently, since my Mom passed away that our relationship has gotten closer.
The saddest part to me, of course, is the children. There are three of them and they are VERY young-8, 7 and almost 4 years old. I can't even begin to imagine how a divorce will affect their world. I'm a huge advocate of staying together for the children. When you have children, it stops being about you. It becomes about THEM and your responsibility to raise them into healthy adults. I know that my view on this isn't popular...but it is a view that i share with my husband and we both feel strongly about. Of course, i think that my sister is upset with me on how i think...
They recently saw a therapist. The first visit was to get to know them and then there were separate visits by my sister and her husband so they could speak to the therapist privately. The third visit was the three of them again where the therapist could then tell them what she thought and if she would work with them. This last visit happened yesterday....and it didn't go well. She spoke to them of their "emotional bank account" with each other that was in "overdrawn" status and that they truly never should have married. She also said that in her opinion, she didn't see this marriage surviving the issues that they have which were multiple. I had a feeling that the therapist would say something like this, but not as bluntly. The therapist suggested a family counselor for the children, a mediator, and continued counseling with another therapist if they did get divorced.
When my sister called, she was pretty matter-of-fact about the whole thing. I truly think that it has sunk in yet.
I have been angry with her. A few months ago, she called me to ask me to "cover" for her. Apparently, she went to a website that helps people in relationships meet others in relationships. I couldn't believe that she not only went to such a website but that such a website existed! The only reason she told me of this affair was not to get advice-it was to have me 'cover' for her. This affair continues...i don't even speak to her about it. I refuse to. She tells me that the affair has nothing to do with how she is with her husband, that she doesn't feel guilty about the affair. But then, in the same breath, she begs me not to tell my husband? I am angry at her and my brother-in-law and truly would like nothing better to beat them both over the head with the stupid bat. My brother-in-law has moved money around without telling my sister-great sums of money into his Dad's hands. It is also inexcusable...and equally sickening. I see them both as selfish....incredibly selfish people who will destroy their family.
I am sad. She is my only family. But i am still angry with her and her husband.
And in case you're wondering, they don't read my blog. In fact, they have no idea that it exists-or if they do, they think it's for Emma only and since there is very little interest in asking about Emma, they would never visit even if they did know about it.
Yes...i'm bitter.
And now....very sad.
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 3:00 PM 0 thoughtful comments
Monday, July 7, 2008
RIP Andrea....
A few days ago, my friend Melissa sent me a link to this blog that was being written by a woman with breast cancer. Not just any kind of breast cancer, but a specific kind called Inflammatory Breast Cancer which if you're going to get breast cancer, is the type of breast cancer you don't want as it's often aggressive, lethal and incurable. I didn't go to the blog immediately, but hung on to the link for a day or so...and finally went to visit. It is one of the most honest, straight from the heart blogs that i've read so far. And of course, it's one of the most heartbreaking. Andrea is married and has 6 children and the youngest one doesn't look much older than my Emma.
I guess i had other reasons for going to her blog. I wanted answers. While my Mom had 'cancer of an unknown primary', it was later classified as colon caner. My Mom didn't have breast cancer, but she did have cancer. So, what i wanted to know, was how Andrea felt. Was she scared? Was she angry? Would she talk about what chemotherapy was really like? Was she sad? Would she talk about her love for her children? Would she talk about regrets of the things that she didn't do or did do? These were all of the things that i wanted to know about my Mother; but they were questions that were never asked or answered. I hoped by visiting Andrea's site, i would get a small peek of how maybe my Mom felt while she was dying of cancer.
Of course, you can't transfer one person's feelings to another. My Mom didn't want to talk about her cancer. Ever. I remember the Hospice counselor asking her at one time if she was okay and how she was handling the cancer. Her response? "That's life; that's the way it goes". I once asked her if she was scared. Her answer? "Of what?" Communication truly wasn't her strongest virtues. The only comment that she made to me was that she "should have divorced my Dad and gone back to her country where she could have peace and be happy." Their marriage wasn't a solid one, but i think that my Mom truly loved my Dad even if he was the way he was. So, even though i spent the last five months of her life with her, i didn't know any of the answers to the questions i so wanted to know even though i sat with her many hours, often just watching her sleep or watching the cooking channel. She mostly seemed to want to be left alone...on the night before she died, i remember praying for God to please end this, to stop her pain and that if it meant taking her from me, then fine, so be it.
She died the next morning.
My Dad came to tell me at 7:30am. I instantly went to her room and crawled onto the bed to be with her. She was with me when i came into the world, the least i could do was be there with her when she left. I sat with her, stroking her hair, looking at her...realizing that my life would never be the same. She wouldn't get to meet my daughter who we were going to adopt; she wouldn't get to see me be a Mom; she wouldn't get to play with my daughter nor spend holiday with my family. I had finally gotten my life together, and she wouldn't physically be here to see me finally be a wife and a mother to a wonderful man. Now, a year a few months later, my heart still aches for my Mother and for me...my heart will never be the same. It's as if a piece of me died and went with her while a part of her stays with me.
Andrea passed away on July 5. Her last post was one that she had written to be posted when she passed away. Melissa told me that she was thinking about posting Andrea's last post on her blog~since mine is a private blog, i can do the same. :) I always want to remember her post as it truly tells what is important and what is not. Here is her post, taken from her blog:
My last blog
Saturday, July 5th, 2008
If you are reading this, it means I have passed. I decided to put some final thoughts together in the hope that it will be of comfort to my friends and family. But also to those of you I never met but who felt a connection to me through this blog.
Blog. I hate that word. It is so silly and trivial. I thought of this as an online journal. One designed to keep my loved ones aware of what was happening to me. I wrote as honestly as I was able. I have looked at many older entries and realized that my feelings about death, dying, and cancer changed as I grew more sick. While I never feared death I often feared treatment.
Cancer treatment is hard. Really hard. The chemo, scans, medications…it is physically daunting. I was willing to subject myself to it all to have even a little more time with my husband,children,and loved ones. It was worth it. I would say that I packed a lot of living into that year while I was dying. I was still me. I was still engaged with my friends. I still was able to love and be here for all of them when they needed me. I still changed diapers and played games. Kelly and I fought like a married couple and loved like one too.
I learned a lot over the year that I battled this dreaded disease. I learned that it is not in our best interest to hold out expectations to God. He is not Santa Clause. He does what is right and good. This was my path. My journey in this world was difficult and painful but important in my spiritual growth. I learned that we have to be happy despite our circumstances. We can’t say "I will be happy when…....." No, sweeties be happy now because today is all you have.
I learned that all the small stuff is very small and not worth your time and attention. Gossip and resentments,worrying about things that never happen, fearing the unknown. Let it go my lovelies, breath and just be good to each other. I realized not long after my diagnosis that life is too short to spend it hurting people and holding onto the anger we have for those around us. I am no doormat, but I just let go of all that hard core resentment. God forgives us through the blood of His Son. He forgives those who hurt us as well.
I am sure that some of you are profoundly saddened by my passing. Death is far more about the living than the dead. But I believe in my whole heart that this is what was meant to be for us all. My friends rallied around us and supported us in every way imaginable. What an incredible gift. That was a lesson in selflessness for them. And in acceptance for my family. My children have many wonderful people to rely on. Their father, step father, grandparents, and friends. I have no doubt that they will be devastated. But in time these wounds will heal and reveal themselves to be battle scars that serve as a testimony to their inner fortitude. My children will move mountains.
Kelly wants to keep the journey going. He intends to chronicle about their lives without me. About the loss and the recovery from tragedy. Maybe you will all be as uplifted and comforted by his words as well. My children will write too, sharing their experience. Thank you all for participating in my life. For providing sweet words of encouragement and prayer. I pray that none of you will ever get cancer, it sucks. But if you do or someone you love does I pray some of my words are a comfort to you all. Have a wonderful life. I will have a wonderful afterlife.
Andrea Collins Smith
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 4:37 AM 0 thoughtful comments
Sunday, July 6, 2008
An agonizing choice....forced again.
GUATEMALAN ADOPTIONS
An agonizing choice, forced again
Reforms to Guatemala's shady adoption system have put thousands of babies -- and prospective families -- into limbo, while birth mothers must again face one of the hardest decisions of their lives.
Posted on Sun, Jul. 06, 2008reprint print email
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BY JUAN CARLOS LLORCA
Associated Press
GUATEMALA CITY -- The 24-year-old Guatemalan mother had already given up her baby once. Now, months later, the baby girl was back in her lap, smiling and playing with her mother's fingers.
And Karen Donis had to make the decision all over again.
The heart-wrenching process is part of a new Guatemalan government effort to ensure that mothers really wanted to give their babies up -- and that children weren't bought or even stolen to be adopted by U.S. couples.
Sitting on a plastic chair in a neon-lit room cuddling her 8-month-old daughter, Donis ached to keep the child. But she knew she could never give her the life she deserved.
``I have turned the problem inside out, and I can't, I can't . . . `` said Donis, tears falling onto the girl. ``I thought about keeping the baby, but I can't.''
Once just steps away from joining a new family as a U.S. citizen, the child is one of 2,286 Guatemalan babies now stuck in limbo, facing uncertain futures as Guatemala reviews every pending case.
One by one, women were called into a large room to prove they gave birth to the babies and swear they were not sold or stolen. Then, they were asked to make what for many had been the most difficult decision of their lives -- again.
Almost all insisted on remaining anonymous and would not talk to journalists, fearing public scorn. But Donis agreed to let an Associated Press reporter attend her interview, a rare and exclusive glimpse into the painful government review process.
CHANGING THE SYSTEM
The old system was ridden with conflicts of interest, false paperwork and illegal payments, but it quickly delivered babies to U.S. homes, and birth mothers could console themselves that their babies would have abundant opportunities for a better life.
Now, most of these women don't even have that: Babies whose adoptions have been annulled will likely spend years in government-run orphanages before they can be adopted under the new rules.
Of the 2,286 pending cases, authorities have reviewed about 750, annulled 26 adoptions, and are pressing criminal charges in nine against birth mothers, lawyers and civil registrars who allegedly forged documents, attorney general spokesman Jorge Meng said Monday.
Four birth mothers have decided to take their babies back, but even those cases must be cleared first, Meng said.
Meng suspects that only a fraction of the fraud cases have been uncovered so far, since the easiest ones were reviewed first -- those involving birth mothers who agreed to come in. Hundreds of other mothers have simply disappeared, and authorities suspect that the people involved are laying low to avoid being charged with crimes.
Guatemalan adoptions used to be so quick and hassle-free that the nation of 13 million became the world's second-largest source of babies to U.S. couples, a $100 million-a-year industry managed nearly entirely by lawyers with almost no government oversight.
But since the government took over in January, not one new adoption has begun, while all pending cases are being reviewed by the attorney general's office and a newly created National Adoptions Council.
The new law is Guatemala's attempt to comply with the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoptions, a treaty designed to prevent trafficking in humans. The U.S. Embassy lobbied in support of the new law, arguing that Guatemala and other countries with foreign adoptions need to ensure babies weren't being exploited.
Donis told the interviewers that her baby's father took off as soon as he found out about the pregnancy, and that she is the only breadwinner for her three other children and two underage siblings. She has an on-and-off job giving out free food samples at supermarkets. ''I have no help,'' she said.
Then, her lawyer was asked to leave the room, and she was given one last chance to change her mind.
FEAR AND FRUSTRATION
After almost 25,000 adoptions over the past 18 years, this is the first time mothers have been required to legally relinquish their children in front of a government official. Before, U.S. and Guatemalan authorities simply accepted a sworn statement provided by the same lawyer who handled the adoption.
Of 66 women called in each day, only half show up.
''I had three appointments today; only one could make it because roads were closed on account of the heavy rains, and I have yet to find one of the mothers,'' said Rosa Maria Vides, a lawyer who fears her cases won't move forward.
Babies whose birth mothers don't appear are declared abandoned by a judge and placed in government-run orphanages while their cases start all over again. The new process could take years, and the U.S. couples involved, many of whom have already spent as much as $30,000 and bonded with babies under the old system, have no guarantee of getting the same child.
The adoptions council works out of borrowed space in a library, and there are only 13 investigators to examine the thousands of cases. For now, most of the babies remain in private adoption agencies that are being phased out. A new government-run orphanage hasn't been finished.
Few U.S. couples can be seen at Guatemala City's Marriott Hotel, once known as ''baby central'' because it hosted so many adoptive parents. Those who still visit their would-be adoptive children are too scared to talk.
''They told us our cases were going to be grandfathered in. This is not grandfathering,'' said one woman, who feared her case would be jeopardized if identified.
''Not only the Americans are scared. Birth mothers are concerned that their kids will end up in a government orphanage,'' said Alejandra Corzo, a lawyer for All God's Children International, a U.S. nonprofit that runs orphanages around the world. Corzo said she has 14 cases pending and none have cleared.
The adoption of Donis' daughter was determined to be legitimate, but clearing the paperwork will take at least two more months before the child can join her adoptive family in New Hampshire. If any problems crop up, it could take up to a year.
Handing over the girl once again, Donis said she wants her to have a better life in the United States -- and wants to keep in touch with the American family. She hopes the baby grows up to be a doctor, she said -- just like her adoptive father.
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 2:30 PM 0 thoughtful comments
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Yikes....no big family for me!
It's been a busy three days for us. Okay, it's been a busy three days for "me". Where is it written that the Mommy is responsible for meals, cleanup, planning, baking, organizing guests and family members?? oy, this is pretty much the first time i've had to sit still~Robert and our guests went to the Planetarium and then to do the Go-Carts. While i would have loved to do the Planetarium thing, i didn't think that having a 16 month old at the Go-Cart track was such a smart move, lol. And who knew that three teenage boys could eat so much! I feel like the best cook in the world~not only have they eaten EVERYTHING that i've made, they tell me how good it is! Of course, that could be also because i've baked all of their favorite cookies, right? ;)
Watching Emma play with the boys has made me a little sad. I'm not so sure that Robert wants another child. Perhaps he'll change his mind in time, but for now, it doesn't seem so. Emma loved playing with the boys, running with them, playing with them, giggling with them. I truly need to read up on only children and if it is to be that she will be an only child, well, at least i can do the best job that i can in making sure that she has lots of friends and family around to love her. She is the most joyous child that i've ever seen. Happy and giggly but not at all dainty! Emma would make such a great big sister....
This past Thursday, Robert was off from work and he and i went to pick up Emma from the Mommy's Day Out Program that i enrolled her in. It's actually an amazing program and i can tell that she is comfortable and loves being with those other children. On Thursday, it was "Water Day" where they put out Kiddie Pools and let the children play in them. I brought Emma dressed in her swim suit and i brought and extra change of dry clothes for her. When we came in the room, i didn't see her instantly like i usually do. I did notice a cute little boy with dark hair in a pair of baggy blue jean short and a bright lime green shirt, however. About that time, Ms. Cindy, Emma's teacher, met us at the door and explained that after Emma was dressed in her dry clothes, they took all of the children back outside. And that's where Emma got back into the pool with her dry clothes before they could stop her! That cute little boy in the corner with the lime green shirt and blue jean shorts? Yep, that was my little Emma! I do think that we have a little water baby on our hands!
Off to chase Emma now that she's awake!
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 1:43 PM 0 thoughtful comments
Friday, July 4, 2008
Happy 4th of July!

It's our first 4th of July with Emma! We would LOVE to take her to the park tonight for the fireworks, but she will be long asleep before they start. I'm sure that it the years to come, we will have wonderful 4th of July's, filled with grilling out, friends visiting, traveling and celebrating what the 4th of July is truly all about. As Emma becomes older, i'm sure that Robert will tell her about years past 4th of July's and i hope that she loves the holiday as i do. It truly is a special holiday for friends and family to remember the sacrifices of the people of our country.
Happy First Family 4th Of July, Dear Emma!
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 10:15 AM 0 thoughtful comments
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Love This!
Love this!
I'm invisible.
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She's going ... she's going ... she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:"To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."
And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want himto want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add,"You're gonna love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 7:49 PM 0 thoughtful comments
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Not so little anymore....
My little daughter has learned something new: how to open doors. We have these handles on our doors instead of door knobs and yesterday, i was in the kitchen doing dishes and looked up to see her at our back deck door, reaching up on tip-toes to the door handle and trying to open it! I just watched her, facinated...my little baby isn't a baby anymore, is she? And when did she get tall enough to reach the door handles??? She's a toddler and in true toddler fashion, she's trying out new things. I think a going through the house to re-toddler proof the house is in order...good thing that i keep the doors deadlocked, eh? ;)
We are getting ready for company for the holiday. Robert's friends, Steve and Sue and their 3 teenage sons are coming for a visit! It's their first time visiting Emma so i'm very excited for them to finally meet her. We have lots of things planned for the boys to do like going to the go-cart track, to the Plantearium and to the pool...of course, we'll do a cookout on the 4th of July and walk over to the park to watch the fireworks. I've not fed three teenage boys before, lol, so i'm hoping that what i've planned for will be enough!
I love the 4th of July...it is one of my favorite holidays. Four years ago, on the 4th of July, Robert took me to Chicago. It was an amazing trip...and for the 4th, we went on a dinner cruise so we could watch the city fireworks back on the Navy Pier. Amazing fireworks..and it was during those fireworks that he proposed to me. It remains one of my most favorite memoires...
Happy 4th Of July!
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 1:00 PM 0 thoughtful comments
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
In Exactly Nine Days...
...it will our First Year Anniversary of becoming a family! I can still remember every detail of that day~our first meeting with our little Emma, how our faciliator put her in my arms, how tiny she was and how she cuddled up against me and fell alseep holding my finger with her little hand. I remember how i went into the other room to sit with Emma as she slept cuddled up against me; i was like every other first time Mommy as i counted fingers and toes and outlined her sweet face with my fingers. I remember smiling as she sighed in contentment, as if she knew she was right where she was suppose to be. I knew that we were right where God intended us to be and it was He who matched us together as a family. Two days later, we had our Embassy appointment and Emma was officially our daughter! We fell in love with her through photos and we were now a family. Although i was thrilled to have Emma in our arms, i don't think that Robert relaxed until we actually came off the plane in Nashville. To him, we were then truly HOME and could start our life together as a family.
Our adoption journey was amazing. Our agency was wonderful~even if updates on Emma were few and far between. We weren't able to visit as our visit trip became our pickup trip. It went so very fast for us. We recieved our referral of Emma on March 3 and we came home with her on July 13. Emma was 4 1/2 months old. I often wonder why our journey to Emma was really, so easy. It was almost as if God was leading us to her, pointing us in the direction to find Emma. Life is sweeter because of Emma, richer and fuller than i could have ever imagined.
Emma is 16 months old now! I thank God daily for her and for her birth mother who placed her for adoption; wanting a life for her that she felt adoption could provide. We have plans to visit Guatemala on extended vacations...it truly is a beautiful country with amazing people. I saw a beauty in Guatemala that took my breath away and i'm sure that Emma will also love her birth country as i do. There is so much i want to show Emma of Guatemala....and i don't want her to only know her birth country through photos that i've taken. That's no way to experience your birth place!
It's still very early so i'm going to sneak upstairs to Emma's room...and once again, silently thank God for bringing us together as a family.
♡ Scribbled by ~Isabel at 3:22 AM 0 thoughtful comments











