More sadness...

My sister and her husband are in trouble. They have had a difficult year~my Mom passed away a year ago, their once very successful custom home building business fell apart, they had to sell their home and move in with his relatives (where they have lived for the past 9 months), and their relationship has suffered greatly. It saddens me to watch this happen...my sister and her husband have always seemed like the 'perfect' couple~you know the type? Beautiful home, beautiful children, attended church, had beautiful family get-together and the children were enrolled in a prestigious private school. But it somehow always seemed, well, almost like a facade? But as the black sheep of the family early on, really, i just figured that i didn't know what a healthy relationship looked like. My sister and i haven't been very close-it's only been recently, since my Mom passed away that our relationship has gotten closer.

The saddest part to me, of course, is the children. There are three of them and they are VERY young-8, 7 and almost 4 years old. I can't even begin to imagine how a divorce will affect their world. I'm a huge advocate of staying together for the children. When you have children, it stops being about you. It becomes about THEM and your responsibility to raise them into healthy adults. I know that my view on this isn't popular...but it is a view that i share with my husband and we both feel strongly about. Of course, i think that my sister is upset with me on how i think...

They recently saw a therapist. The first visit was to get to know them and then there were separate visits by my sister and her husband so they could speak to the therapist privately. The third visit was the three of them again where the therapist could then tell them what she thought and if she would work with them. This last visit happened yesterday....and it didn't go well. She spoke to them of their "emotional bank account" with each other that was in "overdrawn" status and that they truly never should have married. She also said that in her opinion, she didn't see this marriage surviving the issues that they have which were multiple. I had a feeling that the therapist would say something like this, but not as bluntly. The therapist suggested a family counselor for the children, a mediator, and continued counseling with another therapist if they did get divorced.

When my sister called, she was pretty matter-of-fact about the whole thing. I truly think that it has sunk in yet.

I have been angry with her. A few months ago, she called me to ask me to "cover" for her. Apparently, she went to a website that helps people in relationships meet others in relationships. I couldn't believe that she not only went to such a website but that such a website existed! The only reason she told me of this affair was not to get advice-it was to have me 'cover' for her. This affair continues...i don't even speak to her about it. I refuse to. She tells me that the affair has nothing to do with how she is with her husband, that she doesn't feel guilty about the affair. But then, in the same breath, she begs me not to tell my husband? I am angry at her and my brother-in-law and truly would like nothing better to beat them both over the head with the stupid bat. My brother-in-law has moved money around without telling my sister-great sums of money into his Dad's hands. It is also inexcusable...and equally sickening. I see them both as selfish....incredibly selfish people who will destroy their family.

I am sad. She is my only family. But i am still angry with her and her husband.

And in case you're wondering, they don't read my blog. In fact, they have no idea that it exists-or if they do, they think it's for Emma only and since there is very little interest in asking about Emma, they would never visit even if they did know about it.

Yes...i'm bitter.

And now....very sad.