Very early this morning, i woke up my poor husband, who had fallen asleep upstairs with a scream of "GET OUT!!!". You know, like the house in that horror movie screamed at those people who lived there? Yeah. Just like that. How awesome to wake up someone who had fallen asleep upstairs with that?!?! What a lucky man he is!
No wonder he sometimes falls asleep on the couch.
Truth be told, i use to have really, really horrible dreams. The kind that wake yourself up because you are screaming, yelling or thrashing about like an elephant trying to dance hip-hop? Yeah. Those kind of wonderful, awesome dreams. I figured it was due to stuff that had happened before in my first marriage and just hoped that it would go away. After i married Robert, those kind of dreams, thankfully, gradually disappeared (and he was very thankful, too, btw). As life became something that i always had dreamed it would never become, i rarely had those types dreams anymore.
That is, until something would trigger one.
Lately, i've had these dreams again....and i could not, for the life of me, understand why. I mean, i have a really nice life that i am so very grateful for that i never thought that i would have. I am sure to thank God every single morning to let Him know how grateful i am for the type of life i have. I am a wife to a man who loves God. I am a mother, the best job in the world
This morning, i totally understand why the dreams are back.
I get it.
This time, my dreams are trying to teach me lessons.
And there are lessons from God in these dreams of mine that i have always struggled with. I have ALWAYS struggled with these lessons. Always.
I think that i finally understand the two lessons that God is trying His best to teach me, His daughter, who apparently has to be taught things over and over AND OVER....
He is teaching me, one, that "nothing on this earth belongs to me."
Not my home, not my cool new running tennis shoes, not my amazing Born heels caught on sale for an amazing price, not my plants, not my photos, not my writings, not my treasured books, not my precious camera, not my cherished friends, not my difficult, but much loved sister, not my much-loved husband, not my very much-loved daughter. Not even me
None of these things that i seem to think are so "precious" belong to me.
Absolutely NONE of it.
Not one piece.
They belong to HIM.
ALL OF IT.
The other thing that He is doing his best to teach His hard headed daughter is that i have no control over the world. Read that one again....i have NO CONTROL over the world even though in my mind
Nada, Zip, the big Zero.
Nothing.
HE DOES.
I don't control my little, cute daughter (what a shocker, eh?), i don't control the weather (otherwise, no snow days....), i don't control/decide who lives or dies, who has cancer and who doesn't (because my Mom and Ms. Jo would so totally be cured), i don't control/decide who gets to live or die, i don't control/decide whether the sun comes up tomorrow or not, and i don't control/decide who gets to poop on the potty or not apparently. I don't decide/control anything.
I control nothing in this world.
Nada. Zip. The big Zero.
NOTHING.
HE DOES.
All i can do is pray for people, love them the very best i can, treat them the best i can, take care of them the best i can and realize that everyone, EVERYONE is on loan to me from God. All of the special people and the "things" that i think are so important don't belong to me. We don't belong to each other. We belong to HIM.
That's what He's trying to teach me.
2 thoughtful comments:
Those are tough lessons to learn! I think living in America (and other privileged countries), makes it harder to live like we actually believe everything belongs to God because we're so materialized. What a great reminder to be thankful for what God has given us to be stewards over.
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