Christmas Eve....

....and all is quiet. Emma is playing with her animals, my baking (for the most part) is done and most of all of the presents are wrapped. It is nice being at home as it's very windy outside; no snow or rain, just lots of wind. I think that a mug of hot chocolate later will be needed.

My Snowball Cookies turned out perfect as did my Mom's Angeletti Cookies. These are the two cookies that my Mom baked without fail, every Christmas. These are the things that make her closer to me. Her recipes, for some strange reason, give me comfort. Her birthday is tomorrow...so i am thinking about baking a Pumpkin Cheesecake as she loved Cheesecake. I sometimes worry that i hang on to these types of things, these memories, too tightly; the ache of missing her has not lessened at all. If anything, i am constantly reminded how much i miss her, how much i wish she was here to be a Grandma to Emma and see how much i love being a Mommy. I just can't seem to let my Mom go...i see her in the way i attempt to decorate, how i bake, how i laugh and how i love. I guess it's only natural to see the things i do in her; which is really ironic as i remember telling myself that i would NEVER be like her, that i would be a 'modern' woman (whatever that means...). It turns out that i am more like her than i ever thought.

Emma, well, is loving the Christmas trees, the lights, the music and decorations of the Christmas season. She doesn't 'get' a lot of things, but it is truly pure joy to watch her face light up when she sees Christmas lights or sings "Jingle Bells" in her off-key singing voice. I am stunned, at times, at how much she has grown, at how much she has learned. I went out to a Cookie Exchange last night and got home rather late. Emma was still awake, waiting for me in the kitchen. As i opened the door, i heared her scream "MAMAS HOME!! MAMAS HOME!!" and she runs into my arms. I held her, swung her around, and started to dance to the Christmas music, while she giggled and she looks at me and says "Mwiss you". I was stunned...i guess sometimes in the mist of cleaning up after her, chasing her to wipe her hands and face, fighting with her to not throw things, and to get into the tub, i forget that this little imp of a child, loves me. The love of a child truly is like no other...

And tomorrow is 'the' big day: Christmas. Hopefully, we will all sleep in late, eat some breakfast French Toast Casserole and open presents. No going overboard here: a few music toys for her, a Princess blanket (that was NOT my idea, btw), a Moose A. Moose and Zee (stuffed animals) and a thing/computer thingy for her to start letters, etc (i have no idea what this thing is called, but it was highly recommended for her), whatever my sister has sent for her...and that's it. She's only two and a half and i refuse to let this season be all about "getting" instead of "giving".

Seeing Santa was fun today and we got the annual photo taken. Of course, Pachi is in the photo with her and Santa is holding Pachi on his lap. Poor Pachi is going to be snuck out of her bed tonight and thrown into the washer; he stinks to high heaven. He has chocolate on his trunk and on his tail...but i tell you, i've never seen such a well-loved pink, stuffed elephant.

Off to clean up and get things done...

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and thank you for being a part of my life.