Letting Go...

I knew that this was going to be a problem.

But i had no idea just how big of a problem i would have with it.

I do understand that my 'job' is to get Emma ready for the world. To get her ready to strike out on her own with self esteem and all of the tools that she needs to be a happy and successful young woman.

I just didn't realize that this "striking out on her own" would happen at the tender age of three.

Emma has done well at the school she is at. The school is at a not-so nearby church with a MDO and a pre-k class. Emma has fallen in love with her teachers and i have become friends with the new director and love the new things that she is introducing. Emma has learned so very much while at this school...and she only went two days a week.

But we toured a new school in nearby Franklin this past Friday that well, was stinkin' amazing. Heck, by the time the tour was over, I wanted to attend this school. There is a computer room, classes for art, music, dance, gymnastics, language and the most awesome playground i think i've ever seen. The teachers we spoke to were so friendly and so open with their answers to the questions we had. The staff was informative. The school is truly amazing.

And i'm 99.5% sure that i'll be talked into letting her go there by Monday night by a husband who truly understands how important education is.

The problem?

Three days a week.

Monday. Wednesday. Friday.

There was a time when i thought that i would jump for joy at the thought of having so much time to myself.

Apparently, this isn't that time.

Emma is outgoing. So much so that she makes me uncomfortable with her ability to make friends so easily. She knows her numbers. She knows her letters. She knows her numbers in Spanish. She knows lots of words in Spanish. She is ready for a school like this.

My head knows this and understands this.

My heart?

Yeah. Let's just say it's not on the same page.

My heart keeps screaming things like:

"She's only THREE! Let's let her be a child for heaven's sake!!"

"There's PLENTY of time for school next year!"

"When are we going to do all of the crafts that i planned?!?"

and my favorite whine....

"I'm not ready for this..."

Truth be known, this isn't about me. It's about Emma. And what's best for her. I could see how excited she was about this school. About the classrooms. About the other children that were there.

When i look at these two photos, taken almost 2 1/2 years apart, i realize how much she has grown. Emma isn't a baby anymore. She's isn't a toddler anymore. She's a little girl. A funny, smart little girl.

Who has a Mom who is hanging on to her, trying to make her stay little longer.

And that's not good for either of us.