First Day of Preschool

I wish that i could tell you that i took a million photos of today.

But the truth is, i didn't take a single photo.

Not one.

I decided the night before that i wasn't going to take any photos because i wanted to be "in" the moment and not behind the lens of a camera, looking in on my daughter, who was starting her newest life adventure.

I woke up very early to pack her lunch, make sure that i had labeled everything with her name, double check the 'supply list' of items she needed for her class, re-pack it all again and pack the car with everything on my list. I wanted all of that done before i woke up my little Miss Sunshine who hates waking up early. Emma is not a morning girl so i wanted to be able to focus on her and make sure that we started the day off in a happy mood.

Being up so early gave me lots of time to think and reminisce this morning while doing all of this. It wasn't a time of sadness, but more of disbelief. Disbelief that Emma is now four years old and starting school. Disbelief that the past four years have flown by in what seems like a blink of an eye. Disbelief that although i've been here with her as a stay-at-home Mommy and have been here with her to see her grow....well, i am surprised sometimes when i see just how much she has grown up right before my eyes. I haven't missed a single moment and for a few minutes this morning, i wished the time backwards to re-live it all again with her and Robert.

Emma surprised me by getting up on her own. Potty time, brushing teeth time, washing face time and then getting dressed. Shoes on, hair brushed, pink bow in hair. Time for a breakfast of yogurt and strawberries.

As i sat there with her at the table, i listened to her chatter. She said that she was going to school today, that Pachi was coming, too and she would meet her new teachers. Watching her, i smiled to myself at her excitement. Emma ate carefully with her spoon, careful not to spill anything on herself as she ate. Gone are the days of my ducking food that she would sling all over the place, gone are the days of mashing strawberries all over her face, trying to find her mouth. In place of those times is a little girl who is growing up quickly...

Finally, Emma, Robert and i load up into the car after Emma checks out her Butterfly Garden and head off to her new school. She'll be at school four days a week from 9am-3pm. Four days a week. Four days a week....

She chatters the entire way with Pachi while i'm lost in my thoughts. Emma sings along with her favorite Veggie Tales CD as we drive along in her off-tune, cute way, "Jweses wuffsss meeee, dis i knoowwww....." and i can feel tears starting to well in my eyes. So very hard to step back and let Emma fly off away from my nest, but that is what my job entails as she continues to grow up.

"Wwlitttle wones bewlong to Him...."

How often i tend to forget that Emma is first a child a God and not MY own possession? He has entrusted Robert and i with this child. Emmie belongs to HIM and it's my job to do the best i can do to prepare her for her life. And if it means letting her go, bit by bit, then that's what i'll do.

"Deeewere are wwweeek but He dis stronnnggggg....."

To the school we go. We find her room, her new teachers introduce themselves to us and Emma sees a huge painting of the world on a nearby wall with photos of the little children across the top from different countries.

"LWOOK, MAMA! IT'S DA HOLE WOORLD!"

Robert, of course, is thrilled with how Emma is handling things this morning. It's me who he is waiting to see how long it will take for me to nut up and grab Emma and run out of the rooms screaming.

Emma spies some dinosaurs and she's off towards them as i kiss her quickly....

"Emma! Have a good day, sweetie, be good today and i'll be back......" i trail off as i realize she's not really listening to me and Robert is pulling me to the door as the two teachers smile at me.

"Bye, MAMA!! Hab a oood day!" Emma tells me, over her shoulder, with a huge plastic dinosaur in each hand.

"She'll have a great day, Mrs. Johannes! Pick-up time is at 3....enjoy your day!" says one of the teachers.

Enjoy my day? Enjoy my day?? I want to 'enjoy' my day with my daughter, dammit. I want to paint with her. I want to teach her Spanish words. I want to teach her about plants and animals. I want to teach her about the season....i want to run with her and play chase.

Me.

I want to do all of that.

Enjoy my day.

...and to myself in the car, as Robert and i drive away, i sing to myself, holding back tears:

Jesus loves me, this i know,
For the bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong.
They are weak but He is strong...


See you at three o'clock sharp, Emmie....