Beee Happpyyy!

Bee Happy!

Here's my little "Bee Happy Bee"! Okay, you don't look so happy, but you are a cute little bee. This is your first Halloween costume....i debated over your being a ladybug or a happy bee and the happy bee won because you love to hear us make the bzzzzzz noise. I wish that someone had a video camera of your Daddy and i laying out in the yard in front of you taking photos while making our bzzzzz noises! You were very cute but i'm not sure if you liked being a bee, lol....

You gave me quite a scare two days ago....you some how managed to get out of your crib. I had put you down for your morning nap and about an hour later i heard a thud! I went running upstairs to your room with Maddie on my heel, flung open your door and there you sat on the floor in front of your crib...smiling at me as if to say "What took you so long, Mommy?" Maddie made it to you first (i was too stunned to move!) and was licking and sniffing you making you giggle. After picking you up and checking every inch of you at least 10 times to make sure that you were okay, i had to smile at you. You were making the "mamamama" sound....but i could still feel my heart beating out of my chest. So, needless to say, the crib mattress is down at it's lowest setting and i will forever make sure that i have the crib rails all of the way up! I had no idea, Emma, that you would be able to get (okay, tumble!) out of your crib.....and i felt like the worst Mommy in the world for not knowing. :(

We went to our second MOPS meeting and you to your MOPPETT meeting and i had fun; i think that you did, too. You were very good...Ms. Elizabeth said you napped most of the morning and played in the swing and on the floor the rest of the morning. You were also the only baby not screaming their lungs out! Ms. Elizabeth said you were a joyous, beautiful baby....i, of course, already knew that, but it was nice to hear her say that! I think that she has a special spot for you, Emma....you loved her shiney gold earrings and i think are facinated with her glasses and white hair. You smiled when i gave you to her and that made me feel a little better about leaving you in the MOPPETTS room while i went to the meeting. I am surprised that i am enjoying the meetings so much....i'm so glad that i found other Mothers to become friends with. It seems that these other Mothers understand my being a first time Mommy....and all of the fears and joys that come with being a Mommy. We are reading the Mommy Manual at MOPS; i just recieved my copy today. It's a bit intimatadating when i read that the woman who wrote this book (her name is Barbara Curtis) has twelve children! But i'm anxious to read this book....

You are napping now, little one. You are crawling so well! You can also now hold your own bottles and are able to hold a spoon. You haven't quite mastered the sippy cup yet; i think that you prefer sucking the cup, though. We've moved up to Stage 2 foods.....lots of different flavors and textures! You aren't that much of a picky eater yet, you seem willing to try everything which is a good thing for Mommy!

Well, we need to go to the grocery store, so i better get ready so i'll be ready when you wake up!

Love you, love you, love you.....

Mommy

Really, Really, Really Crawling!

Really, Really, Really Crawling!

This is you and Maddie....she follows you everywhere that you crawl to! And you are now crawling fast.....you stumble every now and again and i don't think that you like our wooden floor but you still move very quickly. There is no leaving you alone anymore, little one!

You pull up every chance you get, Emma. Every morning, you are waiting for me, pulled up on the side of your crib, smiling, waiting for me. I love how you smile at me when you see me first thing in the mornings! I sometimes get your Daddy to come with me to get you in the mornings because i want him to see that beautiful smile of yours. You giggle when you see your Daddy and give him a huge toothless smile! I know that it so makes his day when you give him that smile.

I think that you'll have teeth very, very soon. You chew on everything from my fingers to your toys to your clothes! You love the butterfly teething ring, too. I've started putting teething buscuits in your handy-dandy chewing thing and you seem to really like that. Yesterday, i cut up a banana and put it in that chewy thing and you really had a very good time with that! It's the first time you've had a fruit.....

I sit in amazement as i watch you learning all of these things. You have changed so much since we've gotten you home, Emma. You aren't the tiny little baby who would just lay there and stare at us....your growing into a little girl. Your Daddy and i feel so blessed that you've come into our lives....the best day of both of our lives was the day we got you in our arms.

Love you to the moon and back....

Mommy

A Busy First Road Trip...

A Busy First Road Trip....


Our trip was a bit too much for you and Mommy, i'm afraid. The drive was way too long for me and you as it took almost 10 hours due to traffic between here and Warner Robins. There was an accident that required life flight to land in the road, there were two tractor trailors that collided, other fender benders and just plain heavy traffic. Needless to say, your Daddy and i have learned our lesson in driving! From now on, we will drive at night!

Actually, you did very good until we put you in the ugly hospital like crib in the hotel.....you were not happy at all. Friday night was very rough for us! You were fantastic while meeting your cousin Viktoria and Tia and Tio, though....you smiled and giggled and let everyone hold you. I have to say, it made my day when i saw you looking for me while being held by others. :) Yes, it doesn't take much to make Mommy happy, does it? You were very, very good, Emma and it was sad to me to see you meet Tia. It made me miss my Mom even more than usual. It was very hard to be back in my Mom's house and not have her there. I also went and visited her grave and put your photo up by the flowers. My heart was very sad the entire trip....

You also meet Mari Pili who was probably my Mom's best friend. She cried when she met you, Emma. I know that she was thinking and wishing that my Mom was there. I heard her whisper to you in Spanish "Maria Jesus would have loved you so much".....and i had to leave the room in tears. She's right, my Mom would have loved you so much, Emma. I guess that i am struggling as the "whys" of why my Mom got sick and died.....it doesn't seem fair. While i know that some of my job as a Mommy isto teach you that life isn't always fair, it just seems so very unfair that my Mom isn't here.

Your Daddy suggestested that we leave early; i was ready to go. I felt a little bad because your Aunt Claudine wanted us to stay, but i truly just wanted to get all of us home. Your Daddy drove us home at night...we left around 8 pm and got home around 1am or so. He truly took care of you and i!

You slept so soundly when i put you in your crib and slept till 9 am the next morning. You napped a lot the rest of Sunday....i could tell that you were glad to be home. Of course, not as happy as Mommy was to be home, but happy none the same!

The above photos are of you and Tia and my Mom's grave with your photo.....

Love you to the moon and back.....

Mommy

A Laundry List

A Laundry List
I often marvel at the things I have to teach my kids. The overwhelming majority of our conversations involve repeated instructions about things that seem, to me at least, to be common sense: “Flush the toilet,” “Wash your hands … with soap,” “Put your dirty clothes in the hamper not on the floor,” “Clear your dirty dishes,” “Don’t interrupt me when I am on the phone,” etc. Either I am the world’s worst teacher or they are the world’s worst listeners or humans develop common sense very late in the game (and, judging by a few people I’ve met, some never do). I can only hope that, at some point, these lessons that punctuate the lives of my young children eventually sink in.

I often wonder if I will not have the opportunity to pass along many of life’s more important lessons to my children. In some ways, there’s a certain advantage to never having the chance to impart one’s wisdom along to somewhat less than appreciative recipients. While I may never have conversations peppered with admonitions, I will also not have to hear replies such as, “Mom, you already told me that” or simply the exasperated, “Mom!” with the accompanying eye-rolling. When my father imposes his advice, my canned response is “Dad, I’m not looking for an opinion,” which he generally accepts with surprising graciousness. Then again, he’s just that kind of person. My mother in contrast, dispenses with advice altogether, preferring threatening, cajoling, and guilting as her modes of behavior modification. She is an Italian Catholic, after all.

For my children, a laundry list of “Dos and Don'ts” may have to suffice, nicely preventing me from ever being called a nag (by my children at least).

To my dear children:
In the event that I am not available to dispense advice on an as needed basis throughout your life, I am taking this opportunity to share my thoughts on some of life’s lessons both grand and small. I hope that somewhere in here you find something useful. It is not an exhaustive list (the computer has only so much memory), but it should at least give you a foundation until you channel your own inner Buddha.

Love
1. If I had to share one great truth about relationships it is this: Be yourself. You simply cannot sustain a relationship in which you are trying to be someone or something that you are not. The sheer energy required by such a charade renders it implausible for the long haul. If you find that you are putting on an act for someone, it’s time to get off the stage.
2. Perhaps my biggest fear is that I will not be there to pick up the pieces when you first experience heartbreak. I wish that I could tell you how to survive the loss of a love without suffering, but I don’t think it is possible. Heartbreak is as much a part of growing up as potty training and losing baby teeth. I can tell you that heartbreak does not last forever and that eventually you will fall in love again. This is really all you need to know. When you are in the thick of it and you don’t know how to keep breathing, just keep reminding yourself: “I will not always feel this badly and I will fall in love again.” Keep getting up every morning, go to work or school, continue to have a social life, and it will get better.
3. Love is not butterflies though I highly recommend that experience. Love is enduring just as the vows state, “in good times and in bad,” “in sickness and in health, “for richer or for poorer.” I never dreamed that my husband would nurse me through 6 surgeries and 6 months of chemotherapy before our 7-year wedding anniversary. But he is still here, just as he promised. Don’t cling to the mistaken notion that it will always be easy or you will be sadly disappointed.
4. Hearts are fragile. Be gentle with your own as well as others. Don’t trust your heart to someone who is undeserving of it. By the same token, do not mistreat someone who has entrusted his/her heart to you.
5. People will fall in love with you and you may not return the feeling. Do not feel obligated to do so, but do treat them with dignity. You will fall in love with people who will not return the feeling. Accept their feelings and move on. You cannot make someone love you.
6. Marriage is not a lifetime commitment; it is a daily commitment. You wake up every day and say to yourself, “Today I am going to stay married.” There are days when this commitment will be easy and others when it will be hard. But the daily commitment turns into a lifetime.
7. Kiss your spouse good-bye when you part. Say “I love you” before you go to sleep. Not to be morbid, but no one knows when it could be the last time and you don’t want to regret missing that one last chance.
8. When your spouse loves your children more than they love you, don’t take it personally. You children will eventually become annoying teenagers and you will once again be numero uno (unless of course you have a dog/cat/ferret).
9. Two words: personal hygiene. No matter how much someone loves you, they are going to have certain personal hygiene standards. Let’s face it: we all wake up in the morning less than ready to face the world at large hence the terms “morning breath” and “bed head.” Invest in a new toothbrush frequently and use floss. In severe cases (you know who you are), use mouthwash too. Men, while you are at the drugstore getting some floss, invest in some grooming scissors and keep those nose hairs in check. And for god’s sake, trim the ear hair before it threatens to overtake the entire outer ear. Ladies, if your spouse really does not dig underarm hair and you have no strong attachment to it, shave it off regularly.

Sex (If my Roman Catholic mother reads this she’ll be mortified but here goes …)
1. Sex is a tricky issue. How you handle your intimate relationships depends on your own moral code. While I was raised to think sex should only occur in the context of marriage, that idea made little sense in a society where people postponed marriage until later in life. During my twenties, I had intimate relationships both with men I loved as well as men that I did not love. While the physical aspects of sex were satisfying in both kinds of relationships, I much preferred being in mutually loving and respectful relationships. I felt like I could be myself in relationships where I knew I was loved and cherished. I’m sure that many people would disagree, but I think sex is better with someone that you love.
2. Teenagers are too young to have sex. They simply lack the emotional maturity and presence of mind to appreciate the experience responsibly. I realize that this is an old-fashioned point of view; I don’t care.
3. Sex is not Love and Love is not Sex. The sooner a person gets this straight the better. For romantic teenage girls these truisms may help to explain why it doesn’t work well to try and get someone to love you by sleeping with him. If he didn’t love you before the sex, the sex is unlike to change that fact.
4. Don’t use sex to control people. This covers a lot of behaviors, including
a. Dating someone you don’t care about just to have sex
b. Having sex with someone because you want them to like you or you want to keep them with you
c. Having sex with someone as a conquest
d. Having sex to get pregnant without your partner’s consent
e. Forcing sex
5. Men need to shave before being physically intimate. There is nothing worse than making love to man whose face is abrading your skin.
6. Never underestimate the value of a shower before, after or in lieu of …

Friendship
1. Never leave a loving or kind word unspoken.
2. Friends make you feel good about yourself. For some reason it takes women years to figure this out and some never do.
3. Don’t invest in friendships with people with whom you do not feel comfortable. You should be able to be yourself with your friends.
4. People cannot give you what they do not have – time, sympathy, understanding, etc. – don’t take it personally and don’t waste energy getting angry about it.
5. One of the most essential phrases in the English language is “I am sorry.” You will make mistakes and hurt people. Be willing to accept responsibility for your transgressions.
6. Some friendships are meant to last forever while others are only meant to last for a time. Both types of friendship are valuable and it is ok to let go when the time comes.
7. First impressions are not always on target. I have often developed strong friendships with persons with whom I did not initially “click.” Remain open to people; you never know when that seemingly ho-hum person will turn out to be exactly the person you need in your corner.

Fear
1. There are two types of fear: the fear that protects you and the fear that paralyzes you. I wish I could advise you on how to know the difference. I just know that for me they feel different in my gut, and it’s up to my head to listen accordingly.
2. If you aren’t a little afraid at least some of the time then you aren’t living life to the fullest. To live fully you need to take chances, which requires being scared.

Illness
1. You know your own body better than anyone else. Trust your instincts.
2. No matter how sick you are, in all likelihood there is another person worse off than you are. On days that I want to feel sorry for myself, I think back to my year on an oncology floor. In that one year, I saw so many people suffer and I try to remember them and realize that what I am experiencing is not so bad.
3. Coal becomes a diamond only under pressure. Illness is an opportunity for spiritual growth, a shitty opportunity at times but an opportunity nonetheless. Try and garner what you can from it. And even if you never recover physically, your spirit can survive even as your body is decimated.

Education
1. Read. If you can read you can learn to do almost anything. Through books, you can visit places that you have never been or times that have long since passed. You can experience another culture and escape the everyday. And as C.S. Lewis once observed, you can also find that you are not alone.
2. Do not be afraid of failing. The only failure is in not trying. You don’t have to be the smartest or the best; you just have to want to learn.
3. Do not pursue a degree in a well paying field that you do not enjoy. You spend much of your waking life at work. You should do something that you love even if it means living in a smaller house and driving an economy car.
4. Learning does not stop when you receive your diploma.
5. Everyone has something to teach you whether they are an illiterate old man or a young child or a winner of the Nobel Prize.
6. Don’t judge people by their accents. When I went to college some of the smartest people I met had thick New York and Boston accents (not the Harvard kind). When I moved to the South I had to remind myself that a southern accent did not imply ignorance.

Religion/Spirituality
1. You only need three prayers: “Please help me,” “Forgive me,” and “Thank you.”
2. I believe the most humans crave the existence of the divine. Perhaps it makes us feel better to think that there is a universal benevolent force. Personally, I think we are all praying to the same God no matter what we call him/her or our prophets. Arguing theology is a waste of time; no one is every going to prove the relative or absolute veracity of their beliefs.
3. Whether you chose to join/remain a member of an organized religion is up to you. I am culturally Roman Catholic to the core. But I remained a churchgoer because in the Church I found some measure of solace, a sense of community, and a basis for my own moral code. I also found many of the teachings maddening but, fortunately for me, Roman Catholicism works cafeteria-style.
4. Life isn’t perfect and it isn’t fair. God did not “do” anything to you as a punishment or a reward. Bad things happen; good things happen. It’s unbearable to accept this as true but I honestly believe that it is. God may not be able to take away what pains you – physically or emotionally – but he/she can be with you as a spirit or a fellow human being in your hour of need.
5. God resides within you: act accordingly.

Officially Pulled Up!

Officially Pulled Up!

A very big day for all of us again! This morning when your Daddy and i went to wake you up, you had pulled up on the side of your crib!! You did this once for me....but it was on the low rail. This mornings trick was with the crib rail all of the way up! Your Daddy was so excited, Emma. I'm so glad that we went in to get you together! Even Maddie was in your room! This photo is my favorite photo of you and your Daddy.

We are leaving Friday for Georgia....lots of packing to do even though we are only staying for 3 days. While i'm excited you are going to get to meet Tia and Tio....well, i'm sad about going to visit my Mother's grave. I miss her so very much, Emma. She so would have loved you! I can just imagine her calling you her 'Spanish little girl'. It's going to be so very hard not having her.....i miss her even more now than ever. I am thinking about leaving your photo on her stone....i haven't decided yet, though. I truly wish that she would have been here to hold you, little one. You would have loved her.

Your sleeping in your bouncy chair again.....i'm going to let you sleep a little bit longer then i think you and i are headed to the mall for a girl's shopping trip!

Love you to the moon and back.....

Mommy

First MOPS Meeting!

First MOPS Meeting!

Today we went to our first MOPS/MOPPETTS meeting! We didn't make it last month; i got cold feet at the last minute about putting you in the daycare area. It went very well, though, and except for some tears from me when i left you with the daycare worker (who seemed to be a very nice Grandmother type with white hair) i had a very nice time. I am glad that we went.....

You were sleeping when i came to get you after the meeting. We had 'craft' time at the meeting and i made a frame for your room. Very cute if i may say so myself! Although i will never be Martha Stewart, i am pleased with myself at how your room came out, too....the frame will go in your room, too.

You are tuckered out and napping right now so i am catching up on this journal and some laundry. Your Daddy is on his first buisness trip since you've come home to us; he's in NY right now. He'll be home very, very late tonight.....and of course, i know that he misses you very much.

Here is a photo of you that i love....

Mamamamamambababababa

Mamamamamambababababa


Yesterday was a fun day for us! We got out and did some shopping at Target; you are such a great shopping buddy, Emma. No matter what i put in the buggie, you smile at me. I love playing with your toes and it seems that you've discovered your toes, too. I have to stop you while your in the car seat from trying to put them in your mouth, lol, but i guess when you are starting to teeth, even toes taste good!

Also yesterday, you have figured out how to say "mamamama" and "babababa". I, of course, had to keep saying them to you like a first time too excited Mommy and you did it again! Two days ago while i was feeding you green beans (which i don't think you enjoy very much, btw) you said "baba". I thought maybe it was just a fluke, because you didn't say it again. I guess i should tell you that every time i feed you your bottle, i hold it up and say "baba"! You are starting to smile at me when i do that; maybe it's because Mommy looks funny at how excited she is over "baba"?

I also love to chat with you. You stare at me like you are truly interested in what i am saying. Of course, you maybe trying to figure out a way to get me to be quiet, too. :) I bought a baby sign book and we are going to give that a try. It has words like 'hungry', 'hurt', 'sorry', 'sleep'.....your Aunt Claudine suggested it, so we are going to give it a try. It helps babies to communicate since they are quite able to speak yet.

Next week is going to be a big week for us, too. We are leaving next Friday for Warner Robins so you can meet Mommy's Aunt Miguela and Tio Jose Louis from Spain. I am sure in a way it will be a sad trip for me as i'm going to visit my Mom's grave for the first time since her funeral in January. I plan on putting a photo of you on her headstone. Emma, she would have loved you so very much! I can just hear her calling you "my Spanish little girl". It makes me so very sad that she isn't here to share you; i miss her so very much. But Tia and Tio are going to be so excited to meet you!!!! I can't wait till you get to meet them! Your Aunt Claudine will be there, too. I'm not sure if she's bringing the rest of the family or not, but i am so very excited about seeing your Aunt again!

Well, it's 8am and i have to start Mommy chores before you wake up and are ready for the day.

Love you to the moon and back.....

Mommy

Guess who is seven months old today?

Guess who is seven months old today?


Today you turned 7 months old! Time has flown by so fast since you've come home to us....it seems just like yesterday we were in Guatemala getting to meet you. I am trying to make sure that i enjoy every single moment with you because i now understand how fast you will grow up. I need to enjoy all the night time and morning cuddles; i need to enjoy all of the morning smiles that you give me when you see me first thing in the morning. Life now is so perfect that i sometimes want to freeze the moment....never could i have imagined loving you this much, Emma.

I often think of your birth mother and pray that she knows in her heart how much your Daddy and i love you and how thankful we are to her. Because of her, because of her unselfishness, we became a family. There are no words to describe how thankful i am to her. I am sure that she thinks of you often, Emma. I hope that she has peace in her heart knowing that we love you and do our best to take care of you.

You are starting to teeth, too! You do the cutest sucking sounds....and i know that it is a matter of time before you have some baby teeth. I can't imagine how uncomfortable it will be for you....but i'm ready with baby oragel and baby asprin. I have lots of chewy things in the frig for you to gum on but you seem to like to chew on my fingers best of all!

Well, my daughter, it's late and i need to get some sleep so i'll be ready to play and laugh with you again in the morning.

Sleep well, little one....

Love you to the moon and back....

Mommy

Oh, yes! I'm crawling!!

Oh, yes, I'm crawling!!


Well, you've offically done it! You are now crawling! We just came home from dinner at Chef's and you ate Squash for the first time tonight. You seemed to enjoy it and ate the entire jar! After that, it was floor time....and after you did the tee-pee a few times, you crawled. Of course, your Daddy got it on video and i was there with the camera! It was so amazing watching you finally figure out what to do with your legs and hands. You've got just a bit more practicing to do before you really, really take off!

Off to kiss you goodnight.....

Love you to the moon and back....

Mommy

A sad day....

A sad day....


Good Morning, little one.....you're still asleep and i'm not surprised. A tough night last night after Daddy fed you. You had a 'getting sick' moment all over me. I don't know who was more scared, you or me. You were shaking and i was, too...as soon as i finish this, i'll be going to check on you to cuddle.

Today is a sad day as it's 9/11. Six years ago, terrorist struck the towers in NY City. Many, many people died that day. Watching FOX News this morning was very sad for me; they showed the events in a timeline sequence. It doesn't matter how many times i see the towers fall, Emma, the sight makes me catch my breath, brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart hurt. All of this death in the name of someone's God. I worry about the future world and how it will be when you are grown up. I also think about all of the children who were left without parents. That day was a truly, truly horrible and sad day for the world. Somehow just a moment of silence in reverance to those that died just doesn't seem to be enough.

Maybe the lesson that can be learned for the world is to be a little kinder to others, to watch out for your fellow man and to make a difference. I think that making a difference is sometimes a put off to some; i think that just making any difference for good in someone's life is a good thing. What one person may think is a small gesture of kindness may be so much bigger to the person reiceiveing it. If your Daddy and i do anything, we hope to bring you up as a kind and considerate woman with a beautiful heart.

It's now 9:03am in NY and there is a moment of silence. Thru my tears i pray that we will never see this kind of tradegy happen again anywhere. It's our duty as people of the world to learn to live together and respect the difference's of other's. Killing in the name of someone's God or in the name of jihad is well, simply something that should never, ever happen. I hope that you will do your part as a member of this world do promote peace, Emma.

I love you very much....

Mommy