Learning to be a Mommy

Learning to be a Mommy.....

Well, it's been a very big learning day for Mommy. In fact, the look on your face in this photo is how i looked just about an hour ago as you threw up the broccoli carrott medley that i was feeding you. Patiecne has never been one of my strong personality traits; in fact, it is the one Mommy trait that i am horrible sometimes. I foget that we are on Emma time and NOT Mommy time.....and i need to relax. No wonder you threw back food on me (and the floor, your high chair, you.....). I tried to feed you way too fast so we could go out on our errands; no wonder you were pressing your lips together! You knew that you had enough too fast but i missed the signs that you were giving me, Emma and i'm so sorry.

You are naked (except for a diaper!) in your bouncy chair as i type this. Every now and again, you turn around to smile at me and you continue bouncing. You've already forgiven me for my mistake, haven't you? I think that i never realized that being a Mommy included so many bodily functions! From poop, to spit, to vomit.....it's a Mommy's world! I have to learn to just stop and go slower......you are such a little one and i need to realize that.

I'm sorry, sweetie.....i promise i'll do better.

Love you to the moon and back.....

Your Mommy

Stairs

Stairs!


Well, today was a very big day and i missed taking a photo of it! After much, much crawling and playing, i put you in our front room where the treadmill and many of our books are. As i watched you pull up on the couch, treadmill and bookcases, i pulled down a cookbook that i had gotten from my Mom. I opened up the cookbook, looking for some recipes to maybe use for the holidays....and out came 2 photos of my Mother. It is the very first time that i felt her around me since she's passed away. I have always felt at my sister's house and i figured that is where her spirit was. After all, it's a good place for her to be-looking our for Viktoria, John and Michael. Of course, the tears came because it was such a powerful moment....and i looked over at you at the one stair that leads on to the wood floors. You looked back at me as if to say "Look at me, i'm going to try this".....you tried once, didn't make it and you tried again. This time you did make it and you did the funniest thing, Emma, you turned around and smiled at me. It is a moment that i will never forget.

Down the hall you crawled into our bedroom....me and Maddie following you. I sat on the carpet to read while you crawled and pulled up on the closet doors. You have such determination, little one! While i was reading, you crawled over to me and i put my arm around you as you pulled up to me and placed your little arm around my neck as if you were resting in a safe spot...and with a "ha-ah" laugh, you were off again with Maddie trailing behind you. I think that Maddie thinks she is your guardian angel, lol....

You are naping now, tired out from all of that crawling and pulling up. I had to call your Daddy and he said "It must be a sad day for Mommy".... and oddly enough, it wasn't a sad day. I am so blessed to be able to be home with you while you learn these things, Emma. You are growing up so quickly, almost in the blink of an eye. I don't want to miss a thing.....i just don't want to miss a thing.

I did manage to get a photo with my camera phone, so i'll need to find out how to get those photos off the phone and onto the computer. (sigh) They are good photos and i really want to post them here on this journal.

Off to check on you, little one.....

Love you to the moon and back.....

Mommy

Who's sleepin' in our bed?!?!

Sleeping Emma


This morning you fell asleep with your Daddy in our bed! It's the first time you've fallen asleep in our bed...usually you are too busy climbing over us and all of our pillows to stay still long enough to fall asleep. I'm usually the one who gets excited about these things, but this time, it was your Daddy who came to get me! Are you just not the cutest baby ever?? I had to take Maddie out for her morning duties and then i was off to the kitchen trying to get bottles done and clean up a little when he came to get me. You were sleeping so soundly, cuddled up in our blue blankets. Of course, there is a story about those blankets.....

Before i met your Dad, i had this blue blanket that i slept with every night. It is the most comfortable, most warmest blanket....and it was hard for me to fall asleep unless i was wrapped up in it. Your Dad, i think, thought it was a bit weird....until i got him his very own blue blanket for his birthday. Now, of course, he has to have his to sleep with too.....and you'll find him under the blue blanket after a very bad day at work or when he's not feeling well. And of course, lol, he won't admit that! :)

So, it was fitting that you fell asleep in the best place with our blankets!

Love you to the moon and back.....

Mommy

Daddy's Girl....

Banana, Bananas, Bananas!!

Bananas, Bananas, Bananas!!!

Yup, that's you eating a banana!! Like first time chicken Mommies, i wouldn't give you pieces of banana....i put the banana in this handy dandy contraption that will only let mush of a banana out. You know, so you won't choke. sigh.....while a little amauzing, not really. It's odd how i now worry about everything for you....are you too hot? Are you too cold? Are you hungry? Are you not hungry? Is your diaper wet? Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you frustrated? Are you angry? Do you love me yet? Do you maybe love me a little? These are the types of things that women don't understand until they are Mommies: how their hearts can walk outside of their bodies. ;)

You are happily jumping in your chair as i play peek-a-boo with you. You have the funniest little girl squeel! You do this squeel whenever you're excited or laughing and it is the cutest noise that i think i've ever heard. I have to remember to get your Daddy to get it on the video camera so you can hear it when you get older. He is the one who is much, much better at running that video camera; i'm much better with the camera. I've also never seen a little one jump like you in that chair! There is a frog and a bird hanging from the top of it and you so love to jump to try and reach them......of course, this puts me into a panic because i have visions of you breaking your cute little chubby legs. You jump with such vigor and joy, though that it seems wrong to stop you and so i watch, holding my breath, praying that nothing will break. Yep, your Mommy is a bit of a worry wart, i'm afraid.

Well, i think that it's time for you and i to get out of the house for a bit. You know, a girl's shopping trip! :) I think that we will probably start at Target to cruise for sale (okay, clearance) items and then off to WalMart where i'm sure that Christmas is set up already. There will be so many colors and displays out! They truly get into the holiday spirit a bit early, i think....but i think you'll enjoy looking at all of the lights and displays.

Love you to the moon and back.....

Mommy

It's official!

And it's official! We have teeth!

It's official! You now have 2 bottom teeth! You're not a happy baby today, either, and i can't blame you. You're napping right now and i hope that you'll be able to get some sleep. You seem so very tired.

Here are photos of our Halloween Pumpkin in your honor! Notice that this pumpkin has two bottom teeth, just like you!

love you to the moon and back....

Mommy

Sleepy Mommy

Sleepy Mommy

Mommy needs to get her tush in gear....for some reason, i need a nap. And it is only 10 am. You, however, are bouncing happily right now, but i'm sure that you'll be ready for a nap shortly. We had a very fun play day yesterday....you crawled up the hallway, you crawled down the hallway, you pulled up on the wall, the bed, the cabinet. I put you on our bed and you had a blast crawling on all of the pillows. You are getting so very strong! It's cute to watch you gunt as you pull up....you are so determined! A good life trait to have, btw....

Yesterday i was reading the yahoo Guatemalan boards and found a timeline that was like our in one way but so different than ours in another. Timelines are very important to folks on the yahoo boards...that is how you can gear where you are in the adoption process. This time line that i saw started the day after ours; the birth date of the little one was the day after your birth date and the referral date was the day after ours. We have been home since July 13....and this family is just now getting ready to go on their pickup trip. It is at times like this, i realize how very, very lucky your Daddy and i were. Not all adoptions run as smoothly as ours did. In fact, ours was like a dream come true. We accepted you on March 3, 2007 and you were home with us in Nashville on July 13, 2007. Needless to say, we were very envied at our pickup trip! I remember often just stare at the posted timelines, dreaming of ours and when you would come home. I'm not sure if i've told you this story yet, but here it is:

Your Daddy recived a call from EAC on March 2 about a referral of a little girl. It seems that Mommy had gone to the garden show in Nashville and didn't bring her phone...on purpose. I was so very tired of waiting for the phone to ring, to hear from our agency about a referral that i decided i needed a "day" off. I had been computer watching for some news, ANY news and i knew that i had to stop. So, i went to Nashville and the garden show! Many hours later...i returned home to find 4 messages on our home machine and 7 messages on my cell phone. All of those messages had to do with YOU! Let's just say that Daddy wasn't too happy that i decided to leave my cell phone at home!

EAC had called to let us know that they were sending out a package to us that we would recieve the next day with photos, a video and medical information on a baby girl born on Febuary 16. We were very surprised that you were so young in age as we had basically told our agency that we would accept the first child that was available; that the child did not have to be a newborn. We expected maybe a year old child....but i don't think that you Daddy and i expected a newborn! We were to take an International Adoption Class at Vanderbilt the next day (which was a Saturday) and lucky for us, Russ, who is your Daddy's friend was coming to visit and would be able to sign for the referral package. We did attend that class....and then rushed home to look at our package!

We took the referral package to our favorite place to eat: Chef's. We go there every Friday night as it's our "date" night. (We do that even now, lol, but you now are a part of our "date" nights!) We had our lunch as the referral package sat on the table close by....so scared to open it, so excited to rip it open and see you. I opened the package....and there you were. Seeing you for the first time took my breath away as i studied every part of you. You were so tiny and cute! Delicate features, very fair skin and a mop of dark black hair....i knew instantly you were ours. We studied all the photos that were in the package, running our fingers over you as if trying to get to know you. As your Daddy and i huddled together, i think that we both realized that our lives would never be the same. Our lives would be richer, fuller and happier than we could ever imagine.....all because of a little girl who was named Yaneth.

Lonely Without Daddy

Lonely Without Daddy


Hi sweetie....

I have a whole new apprication for single Mommies! It's been very busy for us while your Daddy has been gone. We both fell asleep early last night; you around 8:30pm and me shortly after. I had plans to read for a bit, but that never happened! Today, we are going out...i haven't decided where just yet. Maybe to WalMart, maybe to the park.....you are in your jumpy chair and we are going to go get some breakfast for you. We've been having a fruit in the mornings.......you seem to truly like fruits! You aren't that picky of an eater so it's been easy to get you to try new things. Green beans seem to be the only veggie that you aren't too fond of.

Yesterday, you figured out how to beat on the drum! Of course, you've been trying, but yesterday, you figured out just where to hit it so it would sing a letter in the alaphbet. The drum speaks in Spanish and in English....i keep it in Spanish, lol, but your Dad keeps switching it back to English! Silly Daddy! :)

Off to do breakfast with you....these photos were taken yesterday. Pulling up and standing at the large endtable seems to be what you like doing best right now as i hold my breath and watch you! I'm so worried that you are going to knock your noggin on the table! But when you fall on your tush, you just get back up....i think that maybe i need to relax, eh?

Love you to the moon and back.....

Mommy

My beautiful daughter....

My beautiful daughter!

How beautiful of a child are you, Emma? You are growing up so very fast right before my eyes....your two little front bottom baby teeth are coming in, you're now able to crawl very fast and you are able to pull up on the couch, the end tables and the ottaman. I want you to learn things so you can stand on your own, but wow, did i not expect this to happen so very, very fast! I need to start doing a better job of video taping you but i'm so much more comfortable behind a camera. And as you can tell from looking at your photos, you are very photogenic!

We sent out Halloween cards with your Halloween photo in it to many friends and family. It is important to me that folks know you and see you grow up, Emma. I want you to be close to our friends and family....although at times, you may wish to trade some of our family members in for new ones! That's the great things about friends, you get to pick them! As i was mailing these cards out with your photo in them, i wished that i was able to mail one to your birth mother. I think about her a lot, Emma and i often pray that she knows in her heart how much you are loved and how we are doing our very best to take care of you. I'm sure that you'll have many questions about her as you grow up and i promise to do my best to answer them. Your Daddy and i differ a bit on the subject of us searching for your birth mother.....i think that i mentioned this before that he feels that it is your choice, your decision and your search to find her and that it's not our place to make that call for you. I guess i want to meet your birth mother for other reasons, like to assure her that we will do our best with you and to love and nurture you the best we can. I feel a bond with your birth mother; maybe all adopitve Moms feel this bond, i'm not sure. I do know that telling her 'thank you' for the gift of making us a family doesn't seem to be enough.

I somehow want to give you words of wisdom on life and how to 'do' things the right way and make the 'right' choices...but then i realize that life is about making your own choices and finding your own way thru life. The only thing that your Dad and i can do is give you the tools to help you to grow up into a woman and the rest is up to you. There will be so many challenges for you as you grow up and discover things about yourself. And while you hear "follow your heart" from many well meaning folks, please remember to use your head, too. Following your heart is one thing, but listening to your heart and head, well, it's your best bet to make the best decisions. Sometimes, if you just sit quitely in a corner, the answer to whatever bothers you will come to you. You just have to learn to listen to yourself, sweetie.

Your Daddy went to meet Uncle Don to play in a poker tournament so we are on our own till Sunday. I see a trip to the mall in our days alone, lol, and maybe a trip to Target and WalMart! :))

Off to check on you.......

Love you to the moon and back........

Mommy

Guess who is eight months old today??

Guess who is 8 months old today?


Wow! You are 8 months old today! You also have the beginings of baby teeth which is so neat to see! The teeth are on the bottom and are slowly coming out...i imagine in a week or so, well, they will be out. I sometimes have to stop myself from chuckling about the fact that i want you to stay little and need me just a little while longer, while your Daddy wants to show you things and help you learn as much as possible! A good example of this is how i love to hold your bottle when your cuddled in my lap....your Daddy, on the other hand, thought it a great idea to show me how you can now hold your bottle all by yourself. I have given you a spoon when we eat our fruits and veggies, so i like to think that i'm making progress! Still, though, i know that this time of your being little will fly by so very fast.....and i want to savor every moment of it. I guess that's why i mainly use this journal to tell you the latest and coolest things you do, but i think i'm going to be adding some other things. Your Daddy is a much better writer than i am, so i'll leave the 'life lessons' to him....but i'm going to start to chat with you more on things that you'll need and want to understand for later.

We've had a bit of an upheavel lately in our families; your Aunt Claudine and Uncle Troy are having some buisness finacial problems, your Aunt Debbie and Uncle Don are in the process of getting a divorce (which saddens your Dad and i great deal....) and your Aunt Adrienne and Uncle Duane are having some marriage problems. I wonder if some of the problems your Aunt Debbie and Aunt Adrienne are having aren't due to well, selfish reasons. Marriage is one of those things that you have to have the dedication to work at daily, Emma. You can never just let it sit on the back burner while you pursue "your" own agenda. And i think that's what happened with both of your aunts. When you have a family, well, that family is of upmost importance. Your children and your husband are for you to take care of, to love and to guide. That's why it's so very important to never take relationships and marriage lightly. Too many other livescan be hurt when marriages fail. And it's why you have to understand yourself and your heart before you commit to someone and decide to start a family, little one. Only when you understand your heart and soul and have God in your life do i think a decision as serious as marriage and children should be discussed. Know yourself well, travel, go to college, see the world, make your mark....and when the time is right, have a husband and a family.....but please be sure to know your heart first.

As for your Aunt Claudine and Uncle Troy, well, i believe that they will find a way together. The buisness that they are in (they build very expensive custom homes in FL) is not going well right now at all in the United States much less in FL. But they are both very strong and very smart people and will hopefully come out of all this stronger. Your Aunt Claudine is one of the smartest women that i've ever met, Emma. I love to watch her hold you.....you two seem to have a certain bond together. I know that she's trying to make up for my Mom not being here to be a Grandma to you....our Mother passing away has marked both myself and your Aunt Claudine to our very core. We both question God as to why and so far, well, neither one of us has come up with many reasons that make sense to either one of us. Perhaps we are to just trust in God and know that He has a plan......the jury is still out for your Aunt Claudine and i on that one.

You are still napping; i just went to check on you. You are sleeping so soundly with one little arm over your pink elephant and your tush in the air. We need to go shopping, but i won't wake you....

Off to do some chores, my little one....

love you, love you, love you.....


Mommy