Happy First Valentines Day!

I haven't always loved Valentine's Day. In fact, i use to the be anti-Valentine Girl....i always felt after getting out of college that Valentine's Day was just a way for Hallmark to make more money because after all, who wouldn't buy a card for someone they loved? What kind of person didn't buy Valentine Day Cards? It was a money making scam, i decided...

But growing up, well, i loved it. And i now know why....because of my Mom. She would make 'special' cupcakes or 'special' cookies for that day and they would be waiting for me after i came home from school. Sometimes, she would even bring the cupcakes to school for my class. They were usually chocolate cake with a white fluffy icing with red and white sprinkles on top. Oh, these cupcakes weren't made from a box, either. They were "special", lol. They were so yummy! Even when i got to high school, this 'tradition' continued-and it was a relief to know that even if i didn't have a boyfriend to buy me flowers, my Mom had put flowers in my room the night before and i knew that i there would be cupcakes or cookies waiting for me and my friends.

I wasn't always the best teenager....i was a loner and loved to be alone or read. She would leave me be, but would always let me have the books i wanted and we would read together at the table. It is only now, now that i am much older and a mother myself, that i realize how much this woman must have loved me. We didn't see eye to eye on many, many things but i suppose that most teenage girls and their mothers are like that. But no matter what i did, i knew that she loved me even if i wasn't feeling especially lovable.

I don't have my Mom anymore....but i have many happy memories of her. I remember when i was very little being in awe of her because she was so glamorous, so beautiful. She loved to get dressed up and was always so beautiful in what she wore. I remember her love of jewerly; especially a beautiful blue ring and her pearls. I now have those treasures. I remember her pushing fruits and veggies at me and telling me that water was the best thing for me. I was at a healthy weight all thru school and college because of her. It was on my own, after a horrible, horrible first marriage (that she begged me not to get into, btw) that i gained my weight. Food at that time became my friend and it wasn't a good friend to have. And now, well....you know, here i am.

I am now realizing how much influence her habits had on my life. To be honest, to be helpful to others, to do the best you can do in whatever you do, to be nice to people you don't know, to bring food when you don't know what to say, to send flowers...and to take care of your health. I do all of those well except take care of myself and so this is what i am now working on.

I like to think that she's proud of me, that she sees me in this good marriage to a wonderful, wonderful man and sees me trying to be the best Mommy i can be. And she sees that i'm trying to be healthy a good role model for Emma. Because i am trying; i want Emma to have all of the things that i had and in order for me to do that and to be here for her, well, i have to be healthy.

I have to be.

And yes, there are flowers in Emma's room today. :)

A poem from another adoptive mother

Poem From Another Adoptive Mother

Beyond Your Tears (written for Sophie Lu'sBirthmother in China)

I imagine you kissed

her sweet face so round

And gently placed her

where she would be found

I imagine your heartache

your pain and your tears

I wish I could show you

and soften your fears

I’d show you a girl

with hope in her eyes

A girl who loves stories

and sweet lullabies

A girl who laughs freely

and loves to play

A girl who sings sweetly

and dances all day

A girl with a future

So funny and smart

A girl who loves music

and reading and art

A girl who I hope

has your courage one day

I know it took courage

to love and walk away

Her beautiful smile

I wish you could see

She looks like you

and laughs like me

So, imagine her laughter

Imagine her touch

I wish I could show you

she’s loved so much

Remember her face

Remember that kiss

And when you cry,

remember this

Beyond your tears

Beyond your pain

Sometimes the sunshines through the rain

And I know that she’ll ask me

about you one day

I’ll tell her you loved her

and wished she could stay

I’ll help her remember
and imagine you, too

when she starts to wonder

and dream about you

We’ll look at the moon

I’ll give her a kissand when she cries,

I’ll tell her this

Beyond your tears

Beyond your pain

Sometimes the sunshines through the rain

by Shana Rae,

proud Mommy of Sophie Lu Copyright © 2006 Shana R. All rights reserved.

Guess who is eleven months old today?

Guess who is 11 months old today?

Yep, you are eleven months old today! It's so hard to believe that you are already eleven months old, Emma.....you are growing up so very fast. We had a nice day-your Daddy stayed home with us and the two of you spent the day together while i ran to WalMart to restock on some things. When i came home, you were looking out the front door windows at me, as if to say "Where have you been?"!

It also snowed last night...but not enough to stick. Your Daddy, of course, felt that you needed to go outside at 8pm to "see" the snow. Had the camera been charged, of course, there would have been many photos of the two of you outside, freezing your buns off. :)

A very good day.....

Love you to the Moon and back.....
Mommy

Another sad day for a friend....

Another sad day....

Last January as we started finishing our dossier for your adoption, i met a Melissa online at the Guatemalan Adoption Boards. She's become a very good friend of mine, Emma. She and her husband, Guy, have 2 little boys and were in the begining stages of getting their dossier together to adopt two little girls. Our referral of you came first....meanwhile, Melissa and her husband decided to adopt via an attorney and an adoption agency. They sadly lost a referral thru the agency when the birth mother decided that she wanted the child back; but i was happy that this child would be back with it's Mother. They then got another referral for Maite, who just turned two. They also had a referral of little Ana thru their lawyer and that adoption was in the process.

Our adoption of you, Emma, went by very quickly and smoothly. Of course, your Daddy and i were thrilled but it was difficult to tell our online friends, most, like Melissa, who had been in the process much longer than we had been. But she was thrilled for us and i could tell it was sincere. We continued to keep in touch via emails and thru the boards as i wanted to cheer her on as she had done for me.

Both of the adoptions have run into problems. Little Ana's adoption paperwork was KO'd from PGN for 6 privos; which basically means that the paperwork was not in order. This was after Melissa found out that the birth mother of little Ana was missing....she was eventually located-she didn't understand that she still had to sign paperwork. The paperwork was fixed and currently, Ana is still in PGN.

Today, Melissa found out that little Maite's paperwork had been kicked out of PGN. My heart breaks for her, Emma. To give you an idea of how long she's been in PGN compared to us: we were in PGN a total of 11 days which is unheard of. Typical time for PGN is 8 weeks.....and she is way, way past this time frame. I don't know how to comfort her, Emma. I don't know the words to say.....it seems so unfair that i am blessed with you and she continues to wait and have hardships.

As i look at you in your bouncy chair, you make me smile. You are bouncing your heart out, little one!

I love you, Emma. I love you very, very much.....

Mommy

Escuintla

Escuintla
Escuintla is known as the city of the palms.

Escuintla~
In Escuintla we find the doorway to the Pacific Ocean. Innumerable rivers bathe this area and beautiful mangroves, declared an ecological reserve zone, border its coast. It is one of the most active tourist sites in the country and today we find there the majority of the vacation villas of the residents of the capital.

Its economic prosperity is the providence of the exploitation of large extensions of land in the cultivation of sugar cane and enormous livestock ranches. The modern installations of the Port of Quetzal and its intense port activity also contribute to the prosperity of this Department.

General data

Name: Escuintla.
First city: Escuintla.
Population: approximately 477,024
Cities: Escuintla, Santa Lucía Cotzumalguapa, La Democracia, Siquinalá, Masagua, Tiquisate, La Gomera, Guanagazapa, San José, Iztapa, Palín, San Vicente Pacaya and Nueva Concepción.
Weather: warm-tropical.
Language: Poqomam, kaqchiquel and spanish.
Altitude: 347 meters above sea level.
Territorial limits: It bound at north with Chimaltenango, Sacatepéquez and Guatemala; to the east with Santa Rosa; to the south with Pacífico Ocean, and to the west with Suchitepéquez.
Territorial extension: 4,384 square kilometers.
Main festivity: December 8, in honor to the Inmaculada Concepción.
Foundation: 1825
Temperature: Maximum 29.4 degrees CelsiusMinimum 18.1 degrees Celsius

More Favorite Photos....

More favorite photos....

These photos of you and your Daddy were taken a while back-you were just starting to show the beginings of your bottom front teeth. I love these photos....they truly show how the two of you interact. I have you pegged for a Daddy's girl, Emma...

You are still napping upstairs. It is a rainy, gloomy day today so no walk at the park today for us. Apparently there is bad weather coming our way and there are tornado warnings out till later this evening. I can see the trees in our back yard from where i'm sitting...they are starting to sway from the wind. Of all of the types of weather, tunder bothers me the most and wind makes me stop and watch in awe. Interesting to me, though, that since you've been here, i've not been bothered as much. Maybe all of that playing and chasing i do with you makes me not pay attention so much to my surroundings, lol...

I am worried about Aunt Claudine. She and her family are having a very difficult time right now. They've lost their buisness, sold their home and are now living with Uncle Troy's sister, Tina and her family. Money has always been very important to Aunt Claudine while we were growing up-in fact, i can remember all of the times she would tell me that when she grew up, she would have money to do all of the things that she wanted to do. I would usually just nod from behind whatever book i had my nose in; while i do realize that money was important, i realized that many folks had so much less that we did at that age. Money may make life a little easier, Emma, but it can't fill your soul. To be happy, to have a good heart, to help those that you can, well, i think those things fill your soul. I am worried about Aunt Claudine....she is a very true "A" type of personality with a very strong will. I often get the feeling that she doesn't relish being a mother....that's not to say that she doesn't love her children-i just think that some women make good mothers and want to be goodmothers and others, well, i think that other part's of their life are more important. I use to read all of the woman articles that asked the question "Can you have it all"? and shake my head. Why is having it "all" important? Isn't it more important to love what you have and where you are?

I'm going to frustrate you as you get older, i'm sure..... :)

It's very windy.....and i hear you stiring so i'm going upstairs to get you. Nothing like holding you, Emma.....

Love you to the Moon and back.....

Mommy

It's our SECOND WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!

It's Our Second Wedding Anniversary!

Two years ago today, your Daddy and i were married! It was a wonderful, beautiful wedding, Emma, on a beach in Maui, Hawaii at sunset. It was just your Daddy and i-it was such a perfect day. I don't sometimes understand why God blessed me with your Daddy, but he has added so much to my life. I'm sure that as you grow up, you and i will have many discussions on boys, men, marriage...i have lots of things to tell you to look out for, to be cautious of and to want from a man or from marriage. Your Daddy likes to say that it's easy to get married, harder to stay married....he's right in a way, Emma. But when you do find that 'right' someone, every fiber in your body and soul will let you know. There will be no nagging doubts, no "should i" or "shouldn't i"...you truly will just know. But of course, the trick is learning how to listen to your inner voice and trust that inner voice. That little voice will never steer you wrong....

As you already know, both your Daddy and i have had prior marriages to others that didn't work out for various reasons. Your Daddy and his first wife had problems with what they wanted in life and these problems were something that couldn't be resovled. I married a man who truly had no buisness being married to anyone, Emma. It was not a good place to be for me and i learned a great deal from it....like to always, always trust that little voice that we all have that warns you of things. One day we can talk about the details if you like....but what i have most importantly learned is that people in your life, for better or worse, lead you to where your journey is going. I use to like to think of my first marriage as a huge mistake-but then i wouldn't have met your Daddy had it not happened. To go through that experience lead me to your Daddy...

You'll learn over the years what a special man your Daddy is. He is honest, ethical, very smart and intelligent, a good listener and has a heart of gold. I hope that the two of you will have a special relationship, Emma. You two are two peas in a pod now and i love watching the two of you together and hearing your laughter when you are spending time with him.

I am blessed with having you both in my life......

Love you to the moon and back....

Mommy

Mommies

Mommies

A very sad day today.....today is one year since my Mother passed away. I miss her beyond words, Emma. How she would have loved you! I know the nickname she would have given you "her little Spanish girl". I so wish that she was here to see us together. I waited so long to be a Mommy and i wish that she was here to see this time in my life with you. I am most sadden by the fact that she will not be here to be a Grandma to you as she was a wonderful, wonderful Grandma, Emma.

She so loved your Daddy-he would make her smile while she was sick by telling her that when she got better, they would go dancing. Sadly, they never got the chance. I like to think that she is up above watching us together, guarding you from bumps and bruises; sort of a guardian angel.

Everyone needs to have an angel, Emma....everyone.

In two days, it's going to be your Daddy's and mine two year wedding anniversary! I was at a complete loss at what to get him, so i wrote him a love note. Somehow, buying him a docking station for his i-pod didn't seem to be a big enough statement to tell him how much i love him, so a love letter it was. You, of course, are our biggest gift...i imagine that the night will entail all of us going out to dinner together which would make it a perfect evening. Our anniversary last year wasn't celebrated as well, your Grandma passed away and i forgot. Yes, you read that correctly, i forgot our first anniversary. I felt horrible, Emma, how could i forget? I think that being with your Grandma for those past few months till she passed away took it's toll on me. We were still in the process of getting our paperwork together for our dossier and had not yet recieved your referral yet, so we were not even able to share your photo with her. But she knew we were in the process of adoption....

Cherish those around you that you love, Emma, and love them with all of your heart. Let those that you love know that you love them and cherish every moment you have with them. Life goes by way to quickly at times and you never know when your time on Earth is done.....

Love you to the moon and back....

Mommy

Adoption in Guatemala

Adoptions in Guatemala

I've not written much in your journal about adoption from Guatemala. Since you've been home with us, much has changed and many new rules and regualations are in the works. Much of this is being done to protect birth mothers and their children and to ensure that all is ethical. The current adoption system is run by notaries and lawyers and children are kept in foster families until the adoption is completed. This is one of the reasons your Daddy and i were drawn to Guatemala-children were in foster care as opposed to an orphange setting. There has been much in the news lately about birth mothers being paid for their children and how lawyers make a substainal amount of money on adoptions. There is also much talk on the Guatemalan adoption boards about the pros and cons of this new system.....and of course, there is much emotion in those posts. No one wants to think that money is being made on children....no one. But i'm afraid that it's true, Emma. Money is a powerful thing and sometimes makes people do things that aren't acceptable or ethical. I don't think that any proseptive adoptive parent want to think that their adoption of their child was unethical-but some adoptive parents who have searched for the birth mother have found out (much to their dismay) that their adoption wasn't done on the most ethical of motives.

I don't know the answers to the problems in Guatemala, Emma. I wish i did. My fear is that many children who's mothers who aren't able to provide for them will abandon their children in the hopes that someone will be able to provide for their children better than they can. In the end, it always seems that the children, the most innocent, suffer. And in this, so will the women who give birth to these children. I hope that this won't be the case in Guatemala. It is such a beautiful country with strong and wonderful people.....when you are a little older, we will take you back so you can see Guatemala for yourself. You will be in awe of it's beauty, little one.
And so i'm sad today; sad for the adoptive parents who will be caught up in the changing of the rules. Sad for some of the outcomes that no one wants to see. Perhaps adoptions will continue and be better....but right now, well, i guess it is a wait and see type of situation for everyone.

This is one of the very few photos that we have of you and your foster mother. I wish that we had more....but this is one of my treasured photos of you and her together.

Love you to the moon and back....

Mommy

New Years Day

It has always been funny thinking about New Years Resolutions. To make a list of all of the things you wish/want to do better in the upcoming year that it seems many folks don't stick to for very long. Many diets are started, many exercise plans, many promises to be a better person, a better wife or husband. I'm starting to wonder if these things shouldn't be started on a daily basis: you know, make a deal with yourself that for TODAY, you'll eat better, you'll exercise, you'll be the person your heart wants you to be. I think that this year, i'm going to try that approach! :)

You are playing in your bouncy chair and i have so much to do. The house is messy and we having your Uncle Don and the girls coming in three days. I have to re-do the upstairs bedrooms and bathrooms and clean up the den, the sunroom and the kitchen. And your Daddy doesn't feel good so he's taking a half and hour nap. I have never known your Daddy to take a half an hour nap....but maybe he will surprise me! We also need a screw for your stroller; i think that once i get you down for your nap, i'm going to run to Lowes and find one myself. I have to get these things done......

It is a sunny but very cold day today. I don't even see too many birds out. Of course, the bird feeder being empty may have something to do with that! The wind is whipping around, too, so i'm sure that it's even colder than it looks. A nice day to stay in and stay warm!

Well, off to find your ba-ba and get you settled!

It has been a wonderous and joyous holiday for us!

Love you to the Moon and back....

Mommy

later in the day update: You can now "walk" from one side of your crib to the other!!! Huge accomplishment, little one!! You and your Daddy are so very excited....you desperately wanted the Kermit the Frog that we put on one side of your crib; and you got it! You have also taken to saying "wow", lol.....such a big day for you and for us. To see you take that first step by yourself was such a big moment for me-i had to call your Daddy to get you do to do it again. I had tears in my eyes...you have grown up so much since you've been home with us. I took many photos yesterday and will post them on tomorrow's update of you!

love you, love you, love you....

Mommy