The word "binge" can strike fear into most folks who are trying to navigate through their new, healthy lifestyle. The word brings so many emotions along with it-fear, sadness, angry, tears, resignation, joy, euphoria (very short lived, btw....) and a sense of failure. Having been a member of WW before, i've seen and been a part of binging. And it's not been pretty. And the damage can be shocking and can mentally set one spiraling downwards....
So this time, i had a a "plan". I would pick one item if a had a successful weigh in that i could have. I would enjoy this picked item on our best china, eat it taste by taste, morsel by morsel, log it and go on. Usually the treat was a dessert like a piece of really good cheesecake from my local favorite small town restaurant which i would cut in half and share with the husband. That one treat would satisfy me. It soothed my soul. I never overdid it and occaiosnally i would pick something odd like fresh peaches with a touch of whipped cream. If i had a bad weigh in (i've not had one yet) i would not get to enjoy this little ritual. Seems INSANE to reward myself with food, doesn't it? So, Since joining WW nine weeks ago, i've been bingeless due to this "plan" of mine. I started this "damn-it-i'm-getting-healthy" journey at 240 lbs (yes, sigh, you read that number correctly) almost a year and a half ago and i'm now at 177 lbs and a size 12. It's been a long road but i have no one to blame by myself for getting here. And i've done REALLY good.....but.....
I've now ended my binge-free streak, folks.
I went house hunting yesterday with a real estate agent. My husband is out of town so he suggested i go without him as "i-know-what-he-likes". In other words, he wanted me to weed out things that looked like they had been decorated for a porn movie or were in so need of a repair that only a bulldozer would get the job done. I had my weigh in at 9am (i lost 1.4!) and i took my daughter back home to meet the babysitter and then i had a quick breakfast and met the realtor. And off we went. ALLLL DAYYY LONNNNG....house after house. I have to hand it to her, she showed me some beautiful houses but they just didn't "feel" like home. I know that when you take YOUR stuff and put it into a new home, it changes the way you feel about a house, but i didn't even get that kinda feeling.
I brought no snacks. None. Not even a mint. I failed to plan. I failed to plan big time. I didn't even bring water. This sweet real estate woman was on a mission....sigh.
The second to the last house (we saw six...yes, six....) i think maybe something that my husband would like. It is a nice house in a wonderful neighborhood. But to be completely honest? I love the house we are in. I love the windows, all of the light we have, our loft, the den, the sunroom where all my plants are. This is home to me. Yes, the other house is very nice. But it's not THIS house. It's not home.
At the last house, i started going through my purse for the hundredth time. Looking for something, anything that could be classified as food. At the bottom of my purse, EUREKA!! I found an atomic fire ball!! My life has been saved!! WOO-HOO! I almost eat the paper trying to get it into my mouth.....
We finish up and she drops me back off to my car and i make an appointment with her with Robert to go back to look at the second from last house for next week. In my car, there are no snacks either. Nothing. So what do i do? Yes...i go to a Shoney's. I've never been to a Shoney's but there was the big Shoney's Bear waving at people so i thought (against my better judgement) "What a wonderful idea! I'll go eat there!" And i did.
I ate OVER half of a Slim Jim and half an order of home fries and a diet coke. (not one diet coke, but two, sigh.) The whole time i am eating, i don't even consider the points in the "little" Slim Jim sandwich or the "cute" little home fries. I am consumed with eating, not tasting, but eating. And i'm eating fast without enjoyment. I am not norishing my body; i am punishing it. Then off to my home i go.....feeling stuffed, yucky and full of grease. I've limited the amount of meat that i've eaten to almost zlich and my stomach now reminds me why by protesting loudly. I'm not happy with myself, either. I could have waited till i got home. I should have waited till i got home. I should have ignored that goofy, dancing bear and drove straight home.
At home (ahh, sweet home!!) my daughter is excited to see me. The babysitter leaves and i play. And play some more. And i don't plan my next meal. So, of course, i then eat 2 mini bagel that i bought for my daughter to help with her teething. I don't even slow down between bagels. Is this due to my limiting bread or has skipping lunch and not planning really helped me do all of this? And then? Was i finished? Oh, no, of course not! Half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a cup of 1% milk is how i celebrated the end of the day. Had i just stopped to write these things down BEFORE i ate them, i am willing to bet a million chocolate ho-hos this binge of mine would have never happened. But i didn't stop to think. I didn't plan. And that is where i got into trouble.
So, it's a new day. The damage from yesterday has been logged and tallied and it's time to move on. A Slim Jim sandwich "delight" is a "mere" 11 freaking points. The home fries at 1/4 of a cup are 1.5 (which HAS TO BE INCORRECT, but that's what i got from dwlz) the diet cokes were no points, the mini bagels clocked in at 2 points a piece, my half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich cost me 8 points and the milk was 2 points. A grand total of 30.5 points for the day when you factor in my Kashai Cereal with a cup of 1% milk for breakfast. Needless to say, i used all my points yesterday and dipped into my flex points.
But today? I am back on track and i've learned the same lesson again:
IF YOU DON'T PLAN, THEN YOU ARE IN A BOAT WITH NO DANG PADDLE AND HAVE LITTLE CHANCE OF DIRECTING YOUR BOAT!!!
Lesson learned.
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