The kindness of a friend....

 

I've never been one to have many "close" friends. I've always had many friends, but, for some reason, not many close ones. Which probably makes my close friends even well, more close. Through my MOPS group, i've been blessed to meet many women who i would have not otherwise have met. Face it, as a Mommy, your chance to meet other Moms when you are learning to be a Mom is sometimes limited to the park or the grocery store!

My sister suggested that i join MOPS when Emma came home to us. I thought that she was insane....i had friends already. Okay, never mind that none of them actually LIVED near me, but i did have lots of friends. I had lots of old college friends, lots of old work friends, lots of friends online. I didn't realize what my sister already knew-that Mommies needed other Mommies. As a first time Mom, i figured that i had read ALL of the books, so well, i thought that i so had things under control. After all, what could happen with this small child and me that i hadn't read about? (just a side note: no where in any book i've read has it dealt with what to do when your little bundle of love poops in the bath. It took my friend, Melissa, to tell me to keep a disposable cup near the bath "just in case".) It's been a huge blessing to make friends with other Mommies who know exactly how i feel....

I've not told many friends except for my online friends about the past two weeks with me. Maybe it's because i didn't want to utter the words "maybe cancer", or "biopsy" and "me" in the same sentence. It made it too real, too close. I was (and probably still am) in the "it's not really happening" stage of all of this. If i don't say it out loud, well, then, by golly, it's nof happening. Yesterday, however, i got a phone call from a friend who i met last year in MOPS. Since i've met Y, i've been in awe of her. How organized she is! How smart! How put together and stylish! I won't even go into her quiet calm and strong faith....we became kinda friends because we were at the same table and sat next to each other. Face it, she was all of the things that i wasn't: self assured about being a Mommy, put together so well, etc. (It's a long list!) Y is also a breast cancer survivor. She is also the same friend who asked me to lunch one day and spoke to me about my Mom and issues of faith. And she barely knew me at the time....

I won't share that part of her with you as that is her story. But yesterday, she called me to ask me about something that i was putting in our MOPS Newsletter and i mentioned that i wouldn't be at our meeting tomorrow. She asked me why, and it was like the flood gates opened...and i told her. She quietly listened to me ramble on about what was going on, how Emma was, how Robert was, the difficulty of finding a baby sitter and said "Isabel, i would be honored if you would let me watch Emma for you tomorrow. I think that your husband should be with you to support you."

Instantly, i said "No, it's fine, i have all of this planned out. I hate to bother you, i know that you must have plans." And Y said back "Let me help you, let me watch your Emma."

I was stunned at the simple, heartfelt kindness of Y. She knew that i was scared and that i needed help and that i wouldn't ask for it. I'm not sure what it is about Mommies...we want to do it all, be it all, and all with any one's help. I am the poster child for this. I don't want anyone to think that i can't handle it all and do it with a smile. After all, isn't that proof that you are a good Mommy? That you can do it all, be it all, and do it without complaining and having a smile on your face? But the truth be told, i was terrified of going tomorrow alone to the hospital without Robert. Oh, i know he can't stay with me the entire time, but at least he would be there, waiting for me. But Emma is more important to take care of and i truly felt better knowing that he was at home with her and not rolling her around in her stroller at a hospital. Emma is the most precious thing in my life and i am not one to trust anyone with her. But i would trust her to Y in a heartbeat.

And so, Y is watching my Emma tomorrow. And for some reason, i know that she knows how much this act of kindness means to me....and how grateful i am that she will be with my daughter, watching over her since i can't. I've learned a lesson here from Y about Motherhood and friendships: It's okay to accept help and you are truly blessed when you have someone in your life who offers.

I am truly blessed for having Y as a friend.